Recent content by BamBam

The most frequent emotions that show up in my journaling are fear, anxiety, anger and sadness. I feel fearful that the pain is never going to go away or that it's going to come back or get worse. I feel fearful about paying rent. I feel fearful about being abandoned. I feel fearful about not...

I've reached day 10 of the SEP program. My unsent letter was to my guitar player, who continues to be a source of frustration. Today we were supposed to rehearse and although he confirmed this morning, when we showed up at his house to play he was nowhere to be found. He hasn't answered our...

This morning I started thinking about all the things I've quit/started doing as a result of TMS based fear. I thought it might be therapeutic to write all these things out, so here goes. In the last 2 years I've stopped practicing music, stopped drinking coffee, stopped drinking tea, changed my...

After starting the SEP program in September and stopping after day 10, I've decided to restart. I feel like I've made a lot of progress. Three months ago I was living in a very unhealthy living situation with friends and experiencing constant neck and back tension. I've since moved into my own...

For the last couple weeks I've been staying at a friend's apartment. I decided to break my sobriety and also decided to quit seeing the counselor I'd been seeing for the last 5 weeks. Tomorrow at 10am I will be signing papers for my own studio apartment. I've stopped caring about trying to fix...

I also have a question about how to best deal with my anger towards my guitar player. He frustrates me so much. He's lazy, spacey, showboats on stage, is a great player but doesn't contribute much else to the band outside of his time on stage, drinks, does coke, sleeps with hot 24 year olds...

See, I was viewing meditation and exercise as a way to be mindful and calm my over thinking, but apparently I over thought again. Haha. Thanks for the reminder on outcome dependence, I've totally reverted on that one. Ok, I will stick to the SEP program and/or reading TMS literature for my hour...

So my natural tendency is to want to stack a few of these ideas into an hour. Lately I've been doing the "7 minute workout" (which is actually pretty intense for only being 7 minutes.) So I might structure my TMS work like this: 7 Minute Workout 30 Minute Meditation 20 SEP ...or something...

At the time of my last post I was taking some time off, staying at my mom's out in the country, had decided to quit my band, was hoping to go to Hawaii and then find a new living situation upon my return. I'm now back in the city, working and staying at a friend's apartment while he is out of...