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Hi Mirepoix,

I really get what you are saying. It is not "harsh" and don't feel bad about expressing how you feel, above all else. All of your experiences you have had and feelings you are feeling are real and valid.

I spent approximately $15,000 - $20,000 on alternative treatments before I found the TMS community. After that, I spent a few thousand more on TMS psychotherapy, but I knew at that point I was headed in the right direction as the return came relatively quickly - every 2 months, I could definitely say I was better that I was 2 months prior - I had measurable progress.

Having said that, TMS treatment is not a quick fix. It is also not a passive treatment, like swallowing a pill or lying still for surgery. It requires a whole-hearted commitment to belief in the diagnosis and the willingness and frankly, passionate desire to work the program with courage and persistence. Sometimes the acceptance, courage and persistence come in small increments over time as one learns new skills and unlearns old habits. Everyone has their own healing trajectory. It can take weeks to over a year to recover - a wide range.

Everyone also has their own path to recovery. What works for some may not work for others. Some people found healing in journaling as one finds in Dr. Schubiner's program. Others find healing in Dr. Sarno's books. While others, like myself, found the most healing in working with a TMS trained therapist and in Alan Gordon's recovery program which is on this TMSWiki site here, http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program . And by the way, while reading the recovery program is free, one may need some therapy assistance to really grasp and practice all the concepts since our subconscious is so tricky and it is very difficult to view ourselves, our thoughts, emotions and behaviors objectively as we work through the program. It is difficult to catch how we may be unintentionally perpetuating our pain responses without someone there whom we trust to compassionately point it out to us and show us another way.

In specific response to some of your comments, TMS treatment/therapy is definitely not about "closing your eyes and..... thinking nice thoughts". That definitely won't work. I don't know what you have tried regarding TMS recovery, but assuming you have had serious medical conditions ruled out by a qualified physician (and if not, I would do so), I would recommend seeing a TMS physician to rule in the TMS diagnosis, beginning therapy with a TMS-trained therapist and reading Alan Gordon' recovery program. Because of your expressed doubts, this might be a better course for you than simply reading a book.

Also, TMS symptoms do "ebb and flow", move around, as one pain goes away, another crops up; there are reasons for all of this that you learn in treatment.

I hear your exhaustion and frustration. I have been there. I hope something I have said gives you hope and encouragement in your journey.

Alicia