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Most suffering is caused by the gap between what is and what "should be."

"I should be talking to more people at this party," "I should do a better job of not caring when my pain flares up," "I should have more facebook friends."

When I was trying to overcome my own TMS pain, I dedicated myself one Sunday to doing everything that I was "supposed" to do. I meditated for 6 hours, I stood up to the inner bully every time he arose, I spent hours telling my inner child he was safe, I was constantly aware of what feelings were coming up.

And at the end of the day, my pain was WORSE. I couldn't believe it! Hadn't I done everything right?

Only in retrospect did I realize that the entire day had a subtle undercurrent of pressure. Pressure, in my experience, is one of the primary causes of TMS pain. And it's so sneaky. It could seem like you're doing everything right, but if your actions are fused with a sense of pressure, you're not really free.

Later, when the pain would arise, I gently checked in to see if I knew what I was feeling (usually, I didn't) and said to myself, "Eh, it'll pass" and went back to what I was doing. It was so nice not to need to get rid of the pain! Eventually it faded because I wasn't fueling it with pressure and fear.

The Buddha was a spiritual leader, but he was also the first psychologist. Nonresistance, sitting with what is, be it rage, sadness, or even physical pain, without needing it to be something different, is the ultimate form of psychological health.