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Hi Ralph

I trapped myself in exactly the same set of feelings you're experiencing. I didn't have the benefit of access to a TMS therapist, but the way I got around it was to realise that they were doing their best with what they had been taught themselves, they weren't damaging me on purpose.

I'll bet if you think about it, you'll find that either one or both of your parents are TMSers, mine certainly are. If you try to see them as more "human", and realize it was just your bad luck to have them are parents, it's helps to get past it. They repeated their own experience.

Remember Dr.Sarno tells us that very few people actually get to experience the unconscious emotions causing their TMS; knowledge of the process is the key. Don't get hung up on this, acknowledge it and move on. By overthinking it you're giving them power over you, just give it up. What's more important is what's going on in your life NOW, take your power back.

From your post I would guess that you're putting yourself under too much pressure; you're angry at yourself for being angry !

Try and practice some self compassion. Have you been through Alan Gordon's Recovery Program on the wiki, I think it would really help you.

Don't listen to all the negative rubbish your mind chatters on with, you have a choice, you are not your mind.

I hope you can feel some peace soon.

Bless you