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I'm revisiting pages whenever new posts appear. It's magical in that I get a notice in my email inbox telling me someone has contributed... and I visit for the sheer joy of distracting myself from whatever else I was doing.
Seeing the baby laugh, smile and conk out brings me joy.
I have struggled most of my life with being stuck inside a body that I didn't choose. It's not gender dysmophia, it is more like I would have been better off as a horse or a dog. Even when I was very small, I would ask myself, "How did I wind up inside this human being body?" I often felt sort of alien. Thus, I struggled with every single uncomfortable feeling I had.
I think, as I am in the final third of my life, that I am coming into awareness and acceptance. I can sense the rewiring of my brain, the progress I have made after all these years of trying to make peace with my existence.
The mantra: I choose ease, I seek peace, I find joy has come easily to me this past year. I was never big on affirmations, they felt inauthentic. Still, I am embracing this one and it gets easier and easier.
Miracle: my retired horse kicked me right about my kneecap two days ago. After hollering and falling over sideways, I found arnica cream in my tackbox and smeared it on and told myself that I would be fine. I am. Years ago, before TMS recovery, I would have turned this into xrays and doctor visits, ice packs and advil. My story HAS changed and I have you amazing fellow travelers to thank for this.
So thank you.