Day 12 What is one of your best memories from your childhood?

My best childhood memory is with my grandfather.

When I came home from school and took a short nap in my room, my grandfather would sit at my computer and play Solitaire. He loved coffee, so there was always a warm mug of it beside him while he played.

I remember waking up at sunset — the orange glow coming through the window, the soft smell of coffee in the air, and the gentle sound of cards flipping. As I stirred from sleep, he would notice I was awake and turn to me with a smile, saying, “Did you sleep well, young lady?” (He always called me “young lady” — I’m not sure that nuance comes across, but it was his special way of speaking to me.)

It’s the most peaceful scene I can remember. But now that he’s gone, it’s heartbreaking to realize that such moments only exist in memories.

 

Strangely, after uploading my previous post and briefly reading an article about the TMS theory, I suddenly found myself in tears. I honestly don’t know why. I thought I’d been feeling pretty good lately. But now I wonder—was I really feeling good, or was I just suppressing myself again? When I sit with it for a moment, I realize I’ve been thinking, “I need to show people I’m recovering. I said I’m getting better, so I can’t go backward now.” Because of that thought, even the slight pain in my thigh started to feel huge—like it was a signal that everything is coming back. But... that’s not true, right? Pain is just a signal that I’m still holding something down emotionally. That’s all.

 

Some of my best memories are about my grandparents as well. Don't get discouraged when you feel pain-recovery is NOT linear and you will have ups and downs. The trick is to not get discouraged or start fearing the pain when it comes back. Just tell yourself you know it's emotional and move on to your activities for your day. You can do it!

 

That’s good advice. Even though I know that, I can't help but be scared when I feel pain! I'll keep looking back on my mind.