Suppressed anger causes pain, but anger causes pain--help

Hi! I'm new here. I have a long, sad history of chronic pain, especially back pain.

I have accepted my back pain is due to TMS. I fully believe this. The part I'm stuck at, and confused about, is this seeming paradox: Suppressed anger causes pain (yes, I get this), but in Sarno's book he clearly says experiencing anger will cause physical pain.

And this has been the case. I was just doing an exercise in Schubiner's book "Unlearn Your Pain." It requires a free-form exploration of issues that you feel are part of your pain pattern. This issue of today (and most days) is my husband's poor treatment of me. As I began this process, I did indeed get angry. I tried to unleash and not hold back in my writing; I felt the anger coming from every cell of my body. And, now my back hurts, LOL.

I kinda feel damned if I do, and damned if I don't. And, this is NOT the first time I've unleashed my considerable anger about my husband. I have a virtual novel of painful journaling about my feelings.

The main question is that if I express anger, it may be better than suppressing anger, but it is still a tension-inducing feeling that triggers pain. I have tried to stop the session, breathe, reassure my body that there is NO emergency, that the pain isn't from damaged tissue, but damaged feelings that CAN heal. I tell my body I'm in loving control, I'm strong and can deal with painful feelings without needing the body crutch to hide it. It does seem to calm it down.

But.....when does this anger end? What is a way out of this cycle? I can't be a person who magically isn't angry. So what is the path here? Has anyone felt this way?

Is the path to just keep doing this in bits? To rage on paper, and then calm self with meditation or breathing? If big experiences of anger can trigger TMS, HOW do we express the anger, which means feeling the anger, without triggering a big ass case of TMS? The cure is the cause, and the cause is the cure. Help!

Looking for some words of wisdom. Thank you all!

 

So I now find myself afraid of unleashing my anger, in the same way I might be afraid living my life will cause back pain.

 

Can you observe your anger instead of inhabiting it? Jim Prussack (the Pain PT) talks about opening a window inside yourself to let the feelings (and the symptoms) pass through you and through the window. You allow them to move through you; you don't jump into the whirlpool. You let them be there but not threaten you. In this way, you teach yourself that they are not dangerous and need not be repressed/somatized.
Prussack also talks about going into a parasympathetic state while allowing the symptoms and emotions. He says that in this state your body can digest and process the emotions, unlike in flight/flight/freeze. I think this is the same thing as Claire Weekes saying to go loose and float.
Loosen your body, slow your breathing -- all this just to the best of your ability, you may not be able to do it fully at first, and that's okay -- and then visualize that open window. Allow the emotions and the physical sensations and let them move through you while you remain loose and breathe. You could do this right after journalling if it's journalling that's bringing up the anger.
Be patient. These skills take time to learn. Every time you practice, you are a step closer to full recovery.
You can try this floating practice, too:

 

Oh and one more thing...unfortunately doing these techniques does not necessarily mean relief of symptoms in the short term...this is where that annoying outcome independence thing comes in. But it WILL have a positive effect...you may just not see it for a little bit. You brain will resist this work and may flare up at you, as you have noticed. You have to go through this part to get to the next part: when you start to get relief! Please try to hang in there.

 

"allow" is a word that is popping up, it's what the Mindful Gardener on youtube uses.
And yes for now, doing the "work" meaning doing the TMS work may cause an increase in symptoms, after all, you're doing exactly what the brain has been trying to protect you from.
Now you mention "unleashing" anger. I'm not sure exactly how you mean this. Certainly the idea of allowing and accepting the fact you have deep rage and anger does not mean you spew it out on everyone around you. This is a private thing to do if you need to "act" it out eg. cry, etc. it's old, ugly and yucky and just for you right now. Don't be afraid to feel it. Just allow it all.

When you feel the sensations of the rage, notice what else can come along with it. Be curious about it. Shame, embarrassment, humiliation, guilt etc ...once you begin to understand all the baggage surround it, it begins to loose it's power.

All of this will soon pass as you allow the emotions. It just takes practice for your mind to get the hang of being able to feel these sensations and recognize you're just fine through all of it.