Day 26 Personality

One personality trait that has become very clear to me during this program is perfectionism and over-responsibility. As I reflect on where this comes from, I can see that it developed early in life as a way to stay safe and avoid disapproval.

Growing up with an anxious and controlling parent, I learned that doing things “the right way” mattered a lot. When I did things in my own way, I often felt corrected or subtly rejected. Over time, I internalized the idea that mistakes meant something was wrong with me and that being critical of myself would push me toward better outcomes. Instead it created constant inner pressure.

I also recognize a deep sense of urgency and haste that has been with me since childhood. Even in play, I pushed myself to achieve faster, level up quicker, and reach the next goal. Looking back, this wasn’t ambition but a way to regulate inner tension and anxiety.

This perfectionism is closely tied to my tendency to suppress emotions. Expressing doubt, fear, or frustration didn’t feel safe, so I learned to rely on thinking, reasoning, and controlling instead of feeling. While this helped me function it has also contributed to chronic stress, anxiety and physical symptoms.

What keeps this pattern alive now is the belief that pressure improves performance and that being responsible means carrying more than my share. Through this program, I’m beginning to see that this way of living costs me connection, spontaneity, and health.

Understanding where these traits come from helps me relate to them with more compassion. Rather than trying to eliminate them, I’m learning to loosen their grip and allow myself to live with more flexibility, self-trust and freedom.

 

Wow, everything you have written here resonates with me deeply. I continue to be impressed with the depth of your insight and it's inspiring me to press on with the SEP today even though I've been putting it off and putting it off.

 

So many gold nuggets in your observations, @Steef177. You have such a clear grasp of what is causing your TMS. Your story is my story too. I like how you write about this. All this knowledge should pay off. Now to just change ourselves, right? I recently read somewhere that even playing games (or doing fun things you like) too intensely without a break can cause stress; your brain interprets that as danger. I do this all the time. But I’m trying to change. It’s a hard habit to break. And the “deep sense of urgency”— it’s haunting, isn’t it? So hard to change that, too. This is a great learning curve.

 

Your entire post resonates with my experience as well. I highlight the above because it was a real eye-opener for me during my initial recovery. I started practicing mindfulness whenever I would catch myself hurrying through something. Eventually, I broke the habit.

You're doing great work!

 

@Steef177 I too thought I'd comment on the 'urgency and haste' aspect. On a forerunner to these forums (on a different website, now defunct) there was someone who called himself Ace1 (apparently, he was a cancer doctor) who recovered from mind/body symptoms. He wrote a list of the key things he noticed and did towards his recovery. These included noticing and tackling urgency, about which he wrote:

• An URGE to be finished or get somewhere quickly = pain/symptoms
• Act as if you have no where to go
• Take your time and go slower

(These are his 'keys' that someone posted up on an old thread here, just in case you may be curious: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threa...the-keys-to-healing-by-ace1.17783/#post-94682)

As part of my own recovery process, I have also found it important to deal with my own tendency to rush through things... e.g. when doing stuff I didn't want to be doing, like chores, and also because the pain I was experiencing made me want to get through tasks and finish things quickly to get away from the discomfort. I took baby steps towards gradually slowing myself down.

I agree with @Ellen, you're doing really excellent work!

 

It really is the best thing that happened to me, coming across the program and these forums. Recovery and rehabilitation go way further here than any other book or therapy I’ve tried

 

Thank you so much! Means alot

 

This is really a big problem for me, you hit the nail on it’s head! Usually I can have so much resistance to simple chores like cleaning my apartment or doing laundry. I have always done this with intense haste and urgency and it has only cost me more energy and more pain I feel like. It’s the internal pressure that’s toxic for me. Thanks for the link I will be sure to check it out

 

These are also conditioned responses by the way! Huge insight thanks to you. I always have increased symptoms during chores in my house or shitty assignments at work! Thanks!