Day 32 Mistakes

I notice that I make “mistakes” all the time, in my relationship, at work, in how I respond to situations. For a long time, that made me feel sad, guilty, and responsible, especially toward my partner.

But when I really reflect on it, I realize that I haven’t made any irreversible mistakes. No actions that truly crossed my values or caused permanent harm. Most of what I call mistakes are moments of doubt, insecurity, or not knowing yet, not actual wrongdoing.

Seeing this helps me soften toward myself. It reminds me that being human, learning, and sometimes struggling does not equal failure. It just means I’m navigating life in real time.

This also comes with the TMS struggle, the last couple of days I have a feeling like I'm not doing it right. I had a huge reduction of symptoms a few days back, felt amazing, and had trust in the program. This also feels like I'm doing it wrong, because my symptoms are increasing. I have to try and learn to not associate being busy, increasing my symptoms, with making a mistake.

 

and ofcourse, baffling to me, after a huge journalling session and posting this, my pain dissapeared again.

 

and ofcourse, baffling to me, after a huge journalling session and posting this, my pain dissapeared again.

 

@Steef177 I really love how you put this — especially the part about realising that “mistakes” are often just moments of learning or uncertainty, not moral failings. As TMSers, we tend to be perfectionists, and you’re successfully tackling that. The shift from guilt to self-understanding is such an important part of the recovery process.

What you describe about symptoms fluctuating sounds very familiar. It can feel discouraging when pain returns just as you start to trust the process, but those ups and downs are actually a normal sign that your nervous system is adjusting — your brain gets scared and dials up the symptoms to "protect" you from whatever it perceives as a threat right now. Taking baby steps with everything you do can help here, so the amygdala doesn't overreact and keep the alarm going. You're not doing anything wrong; it's just your brain's old alarm system kicking in and then turning off again.

And when you say it's baffling — after a huge journaling session and posting about the pain increasing, only for it to disappear again — I think it's a sign that your brain is recognizing the gig is up and it can calm down. Telling us about your experience here on the forum probably reinforced that safety signal even more (whereas the journaling might have stirred your brain up a bit at first, but that's a part of the process that helps you realise things about yourself). The path to recovery is so non-linear, but these moments of relief are proof you're on the right track.

The fact that you’re noticing these patterns and responding with curiosity instead of judgement shows real progress. You’re re-teaching your mind that being human, uncertain, and imperfect is totally safe

 

Symptoms are really squirrelly. they have a mind of their own— sometimes you can’t figure out what’s caused what. but just a trend that you are having times with less symptoms is really a good sign!

 

Sometimes I realize I have made irreversible mistakes or taken actions that have crossed my values. But I have learned to forgive myself and others. It's part of the journey of being an imperfect human and living among other imperfect humans. We learn. We evolve.