Day 4 - Doctors

I remember around the age of 18, I had built up an incredible phyique through weight training and karate. I was loving the validation and attention I got from people around me. It helped with the low self-esteem I had carried with me for years. I would exercise for hours every day. One day, I injured my back while working out and I felt a wave of intense fear creep over me. This was my worst fear coming true. Who was I without this strong facade to protect me from the world?

Fast forward a year, and the pain got worse and worse. I had stopped all exercise and had to leave university as I could no longer even sit down. A doctor at the time said to me I would never be able to go the gym again and to find another hobby. I remember leaving his office and could not stop crying.

Years later, in my 20's, I was at another doctors office, this time with chronic fatigue. I was begging him to try any new experimental medicine in order to not feel so sick. He casually said the most likely outcome was that I would never be able to work full time and accept the fact this would be my life.

I eventually found a way to achieve both, though have lived in fear of my symptoms ever since, and the fear that one day my life would come crashing down. It's exhausting!

Now I'm here to work on my fears.