Day 3

Ok question.
Making a list of past traumatic events and stressors
First.. when does past become present...last week ? Last month? Last year ?
I went through a traumatic time in 2023 separating with my partner of 19 years, the year that followed was challenging for so many reasons, the separation of course many friends who seem to spend time with my ex even though I feel I was the one who was neglected in the relationship, nearly lossing my flat due to having to remortgage and give my ex a lot of money that really he wasn't entitled to but legally he could have gone for more ( I was scared) and stupid when I put his name on the deeds of the property ( love ay)... But I side track is 2023 past ? It was a year of challenge but at the time I felt very little, I hardly cried and I got through the entire thing on my own ( I've always been this way, if it's my problem I'll fix it).
Next is the problem of other past events.. as I've previously mentioned I have a terrible terrible memory so I really don't remember my childhood....how do I get around this, most of what I remember are stories from my parents and sisters and they always just say you were really happy. My sister just said I was happy brave and outgoing.
Some advice on what to do here.
TIA

 

Can you describe it more,, @JanAtheCPA Not sure what you mean....(my memory is as good as yours! )


@Dee.1983
You are experiencing a lot of regret, self-blame and I bet, as Sarno discusses, a lot of inner rage. Of course, like any good TMS-er you can't actually get in touch with the rage, and perhaps you don't even see yourself as a person who can get that angry. But this is the subconcious talking and I bet deep down in there you are throwing a giant fit - as would anyone.
Your ex- "MAKING" you give them your money...tricky bastard
Your ex - "MAKING" you feel abandoned, uncared for, neglected, guilt and shameful. How dare they make you feel shame when they are at fault for ALL of it. You, after all were just trying to make things work.
Your ex- for "Making" taking the things you gifted them out of trust like adding their name to the flat, and then turning coat on you. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH what a nasty toad.

You might not feel these things. You were probably trained not too. Especially since your family members remember you as happy and carefree. That's usually a good sign of people pleasing or, not really understanding the inner you. You don't always need to have a great memory about these things. You just need to accept that the inner you has every human trait that the outter you might not fully identify with. You can be happy and have had a good childhood AND still be rageful. You can have had what most people consider no trauma in your life, but your personality and your sensitive nature and or anxiety level may have had you interpret things as being "hard" or "difficult at times" or "emotional" etc. it's often just how we are made up.

Here is a great exercise to help you out (maybe this is what Jan is referring to).

Imagine a large field just filled with green grass. It's quite flat - like a large soccer field. On this field is a HUGE white line in a circle. Picture a small YOU in the middle of that circle (perspective, you look small from the distance standing on the white line).
Now picture you today and put yourself in any spot on that circle. Take 6 steps around the circle, and now look at your little you. What do you see there. Just stand there and look at that other you. Describe the person you see - their facial expression, how they hold their body. Now take another 6-8 steps around the white line and look at your little you again. How does little you feel, standing there exposed to the you on the line. Just stand there gazing. Slowly work your way around the circle, calmly, just breathing and looking at the little you.

This can be so revealing, loving and accepting of yourself. Just being there with yourself. I often find it incredibly revealing. You never know what's going to come up. A memory or simply the sensation or the emotion of a memory. Sometimes this exercise might take several repeats, especially if you find it hard to imagine yourself (it takes body awareness and a sense of being able to move your body without actually moving your body).

Why not give it a try. See if you can get a real sense of compassion for how the little you feels.

 

Thank you JanAthe - I read the first line of your response and become instantly defensive and thought you were having a dig at me.. I think that in itself says a lot (defensive now being added to personality traits). Its really helpful having others show you aspects of yourself you are completely unaware of and some helpful tools of what to do next. I really appreciate it.

 

Oh this makes sense.
I have a lot of work to do.
Thank you so much for your time and these tools..