Computer & phone screens - TMS or eyes & astigmatism?

I have been having a really hard time with reading on computer and phone screens for years. This is probably the number 1 thing preventing me from moving on with life.

Despite using fl.ux and turning screen brightness down, it is uncomfortable to look at screens. It is 100 times worse when trying to read something. Guaranteed tension headache and jaw tension after a while.

I notice that I sort of both wince away from the brightness and also open my eyes really wide to focus on the screen. So this combination is probably what causes symptoms. I do this because I feel like reading on the screen is like having a bright light close to my face shining directly in my eyes while trying to read if that makes sense.

Now, I have always been long-sighted, but never actually struggled with close-up reading most of my life. I have never worn or needed glasses either.

I was diagnosed with astigmatism a few years back, but I don't need glasses for daily life. I only notice it when trying to read tiny text on packets. When reading books, I notice the text is a little blurry, but manageable.

So. I'm wondering if this whole issue is really due to astigmatism more than anything else. But then, I never had astigmatism before, so why now? I'm 45. But I read that astigmatism is supposed to be from childhood, and you can't "acquire" it.

I read a bit of Dr Bates' work, and he says the reason people have vision issues is because they are "straining" to look rather than relaxing to see. I am definitely doing that on computers.

I do have some glasses sitting in a drawer from when I got my prescription. I am wondering whether to get a "computer glasses" tint on them and try to do that when using the computer for reading, if only to train my eyes to relax more.

I successfully used sunglasses strategically when I first started trying to get my life back as I had dizziness and light sensitivity, particularly in busy environments and under fluorescent lights. They enabled me to train myself to get back out and about again. Now, I have them in my bag but use them once in a blue moon. But they were essential at the beginning so that my body didn't completely freak out. I'm wondering whether to try the same strategy with "computer astigmatism glasses".

Any input? Thanks.

 

There are a few threads that address similar vision issues that I recommend you have a read of: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/long-time-tms-sufferer-curious-about-new-old-issue-with-eyes.28855/

@JanAtheCPA has a fantastic response in the linked thread which applies to what you have described here. Basically that this is your brain on TMS - how do I know? Because you have used your time mostly to talk about physical symptoms and diagnosis - your brain is completely fixated on your eyes. That screams out FEAR and the classical TMS OCD.

In addition, hypersensitivity to benign triggers e.g. screens, florescent lights, busy environments is one of the ways to diagnose TMS after ruling out anything serious structurally.

This is a key part - you can't acquire astigmatism but tension can change the shape of your eye. It is a particularly sneaky and effective way that TMS can grab your attention and keep you in the symptom loop.

Dr Sarno is insistent on dropping physical aids and exercises specifically for TMS symptoms -> they will merely perpetuate the idea that something is pathologically wrong with your eyes. As @JanAtheCPA said in her post, "Get checked out if you have to (you did) and then go back to THE mantra, to be repeated whenever you find yourself obsessing over physical details, which is "Think Psychologically, Not Physically."

However, if you are just using the sunglasses to feel safe and not get caught in anxiety with the knowledge that they aren't doing anything physical than use them as you want. It is exactly the same as taking a paracetamol for a tension headache - I know that it isn't dealing with the cause but the act of self-care tends to calm my NS down and the symptoms disappear. We have to be careful with these and understand our intention behind them because it is easy to get caught in the physical paradigm.

 

I want to encourage you...TMS is focused on my eyes (not that it doesn't have fun with tons of other symptoms for me, too!) and for a long time I thought I'd never read again. I have been working on reading specifically lately and I'm starting to have exceptions where reading feels enjoyable again...also the computer...you can experience this, too! TMS/anxiety can create all sorts of wacky eye symptoms and sensations -- I mean the whole gamut -- and you CAN heal from them!

 

Thanks @mrefreddyg. I do understand the not tolerating screen brightness is clearly TMS. But wasn't sure about my actual vision. So basically my "acquired astigmatism" is due to tension.

But I think the not tolerating screen brightness might just be a conditioned thing now. Because I'm on holiday at the moment with zero worries and zero symptoms (I get different symptoms on and off at home depending on what's going on). But, whenever I use the computer, even here, my eyes feel bad, and if using for too long, I will feel bad for a long time afterwards as well.

Maybe I'll try the glasses just to help my eyes to relax then, like some self-care. And keep working on better behaviours so I am generating less inner tension.

 

@diane2530 I do have issues reading books as well, but can manage it. The text is not crystal clear, but I can read it. I can definitely see text more sharply through the glasses he gave me.

My mum is long-sighted too and always holds a book quite far away from her to read. I'm probably similar. I have always seen very well at long distances. I can read road signs really far away. I think both my dad and mum have reading glasses. I've never even had to think about my eyes before, so this is why I'm asking on here. I have never done, and have never had to do, routine optometry appointments, as I had no problems with my eyes at all up until my early 40s.

Reading off paper never causes the huge levels of discomfort that reading on my laptop does. So, I am not as bothered about it as I am about reading on screens. I love reading, so I have not let it stop me.

I do have blurry vision sometimes as part of the rest of my TMS stuff. And I know it's caused by muscle tension in my face because if I press my fingers hard on my forehead, it clears.

I just don't know if I'm exacerbating that tension by trying to read things without glasses as well when I might need them, if you see what I mean.

It's all a bit confusing really.

 

Totally get it. Try it both ways -- do what's more comfortable. It's normal to need glasses for reading in your 40's. It may be that not using the glasses exacerbates the straining -- i.e. that you *can* read/do screens without them, but it increases the tension because it's a bit harder to focus at 45 than before. And then the TMS doubles down on that tension. You really enjoy reading books so you're willing to relax a little more while doing it -- you don't mind if it's a bit fuzzy, you're not as worried, you're still gonna do it and enjoy it. So the TMS has less power there. With screens, you're working harder because you're stressed. TMS grabs you there.

 

I've been really interested to see a number of my friends freaking out when presbyopia (need for reading glasses) hits. I definitely had a huge freakout myself but that was in large part because I was misdiagnosed and mistreated and...well, already had TMS without knowing it and so had a major explosion of it from which I am now slowly recovering, 6 months in.
But I am now noticing people freaking out about it simply because they don't know what it is or they've never had eye problems and all of a sudden thing are happening...but it's a normal part of middle age and really no big deal. It strikes me as kind of like when a girl gets her period without anyone ever having told her about it before...she thinks she's dying but actually it's normal and everything's going to be all right!
I have one friend whose husband currently thinks he may have a brain tumor because he is having trouble with blurriness and accommodation at 43 and it's not getting any better on its own...he 100% just needs reading glasses but since he's never needed glasses before...I look forward to when he finally gets the glasses

 

Thanks @diane2530. I'll try reading with the glasses when I get home from hols and see if that makes things easier.

Yeah, it's interesting how this ties into my whole background really. I was devastated when I got my period as a young girl. I think a lot of my TMS stuff stems from being emotionally unsupported as a child. Like, my mum left a leaflet in my room about periods. She didn't even hand it to me. I just found it there. She never talked to me about, nor gave me support, through any aging milestones, not through anything really.

I literally didn't even know until now that it is normal for eyesight to deteriorate in your 40s. My mum never talked to me about things like that. If I ever asked her "why" questions she didn't feel like answering, she'd just say "that's why." I grew up hyperindependent and hungry to learn things for myself because of that childhood. But also, naive to normal life, normal (average) standards, normal balanced relations, boundaries.

I have lived my life out of balance for a long time because I had no idea what it was. Ironic that my first major symptoms of TMS were balance issues, dizziness, vertigo etc. Very symbolic.

And this is where I also struggle with the TMS stuff. I'm either researching it for hours, writing out every single thing that's wrong with me psychologically and behaviourally that I need to fix, trying a hundred different therapies and techniques. Or doing nothing. Doing nothing has actually been more effective. But the computer/vision thing has really meant I can't even try getting back to work. So, this is where I wanted some clarity and help from the forum.

Thanks for your help

 

@JanAtheCPA always nice to hear from you. I don't think 45 is middle age for me. I did a lot of hard living I think 30 was middle age, maybe 35. I remember ruining my 29th year because I was so concerned about turning 30 and being "old". Luckily, I look much younger than I am. I expect I will have another freakout when my age really starts to show.