Will It Ever Get Better?

I think I will spend my whole life healing from trauma.

First a childhood of seeing my father get emotionally abused. Then being told I might have ADHD as a kid. Then moving on through high school with accomplishments, hard work, and growth.

Then college hits and I am constantly burnt out. The pandemic hits, I get sick after taking an antidepressant, and I get severe symptoms and emotional flashbacks even more than two years later. I can't even look at the news anymore. This is too much trauma and I'm running on empty. Being optimistic feels like denial.

The fatigue, pain, lack of stamina, brain fog, pain when joints loosen up tension, the chest pain and reflux I wake up with every morning. Constant cyclical burnout.

I can't manage my time or energy well. Not enough. Weird. Different.

I grew up gifted and accomplished, and now my body gets in the way of everything I try to do. I shouldn't have read the ACEs study again this morning. Also women are more likely to get weird stress illnesses.

So it looks like I'll be needing therapy and facing mystery health issues for the rest of my life. Trauma? Gifted? Highly sensitive? Female? Perfectionistic? Overambitious? Constantly distracted?

This doesn't feel real. Give me a break, I'm only in college, I'm not even married or have a family or any other obligations. My friends are already working and driving.

Then there's the issue with getting accommodations at work. The culture of long work hours, constant socializing, fast paced high pressure etc.

What else can I do? Any six figure, low stress jobs? I also want to start my own business but I need better time management and organizational skills to make it work full time.

So is there a chance to fully recover and not be stuck depending on my parents?

 

May I suggest you look up tattvamasi, he wrote some helpful posts in 2015. His take on life may resonate with you.
Never give up hope.