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When will my healing begin

Boston Redsox

Boston Redsox

Well Known Member
Tms family as you may know or not....

I am going threw the process of getting divorced, but we are living together due to the fact we have no where else to go until we sell our house and split our assets. We have 1 child in college living at home and another in H.S.

Though the logistics will be tricky once we sell and find our own places and get our kids situated.

I am finding whatever I do to take care of myself ie: journal, meditate even medicate myself I seem not to be getting any better and I know it's because of my living arrangements .

Can anyone chime in who as had this type of exp or not who could offer some insight to my blind recovery.
 
It isn't your living arrangements, although that doesn't help any. It still comes down to how you react to life. Dr. Sarno said that you don't need to get rid of the tension to heal. Suppose that after you get divorced, your symptoms fade. That doesn't mean that you healed. The reasons you have pain is because of your personality, who you are and how you react to life. So, the next time that things become stressed, or don't go your way you will be back in pain because you never dealt with the cause(s), the trigger was just taken away.

I say this because it's important for you to do the work regardless of where you are. I healed before I got my divorce, while we were living separately/together in our home. The marriage was a big part of my TMS, but it wasn't the cause. I was the cause. My marriage was a trigger.

Begin to see life from new eyes today. The TMS is being generated by you, to help you with your rage over how you perceive life. so begin to deal with yourself, your perceptions, your new goals after divorce, letting go more, laughing more. Free yourself.

During this time you will feel deeply alone, but you aren't. The separation from your wife and life creates great rage because we long to be connected to someone. So this is a perfect time to begin the true healing from within.

The things you're currently doing aren't working because you won't let them work. You need your pain right now because you fear the truth behind your pain. Your brain is doing you a great favor. But rest easy, things are going to get much better soon. You will be laughing one day again. But you have to change how you see, and react. Then your joy will be true.

Good times are coming your way! I see it regularly and I lived it. See this divorce as your new fresh beginning, as a good thing. Then go live the life you want. But if you do the real work now, that new life will be much more enjoyable and fun.
 
Steve Ozanich said:
It isn't your living arrangements, although that doesn't help any. It still comes down to how you react to life. Dr. Sarno said that you don't need to get rid of the tension to heal. Suppose that after you get divorced, your symptoms fade. That doesn't mean that you healed. The reasons you have pain is because of your personality, who you are and how you react to life. So, the next time that things become stressed, or don't go your way you will be back in pain because you never dealt with the cause(s), the trigger was just taken away.

I say this because it's important for you to do the work regardless of where you are. I healed before I got my divorce, while we were living separately/together in our home. The marriage was a big part of my TMS, but it wasn't the cause. I was the cause. My marriage was a trigger.

Begin to see life from new eyes today. The TMS is being generated by you, to help you with your rage over how you perceive life. so begin to deal with yourself, your perceptions, your new goals after divorce, letting go more, laughing more. Free yourself.

During this time you will feel deeply alone, but you aren't. The separation from your wife and life creates great rage because we long to be connected to someone. So this is a perfect time to begin the true healing from within.

The things you're currently doing aren't working because you won't let them work. You need your pain right now because you fear the truth behind your pain. Your brain is doing you a great favor. But rest easy, things are going to get much better soon. You will be laughing one day again. But you have to change how you see, and react. Then your joy will be true.

Good times are coming your way! I see it regularly and I lived it. See this divorce as your new fresh beginning, as a good thing. Then go live the life you want. But if you do the real work now, that new life will be much more enjoyable and fun.
Click to expand...
Steve

Thx so much for responding u said something that hit a nerve....what do u mean when u said the things I am doing are not working because I won't let them!
 
TMS pain exists to protect you. So your pain is indeed a favor by your brain to help you cope through this tough time. You need your pain right now, so why would your deeper brain accept the healing treatments that you're currently trying? It doesn't want to get rid of the thing that's helping it.

If I spoke with you long enough I could probably identify all the defense mechanisms that you're employing to protect the pain. This is ok, it's not a bad thing or a wrong thing. I think you're doing ok. It's just that tough times are called tough because they're tough.

If the things you're doing aren't working, then either you're blocking them, or you're doing the wrong things. From what you wrote here, it appears you're doing "some" right things, but I can't tell how you're doing them. I'm assuming you're doing it right, that's why I said you won't let them work. Unconsciously, of course. Consciously, you want the pain to go now. But deep within, it's your friend.

There's an element of loneliness in everyone I've ever worked with. Right now, your pain is the only thing you can count on. It's there for you when you need it, where people may not be. I have 16 friends who got divorced in the past 5 years, they're all doing great, you will too.

I hope that helps some? You're going to be ok, and you're going to be happier. Much of your happiness will be due to what you're going through right now. You can't know what real happiness is until you know what it is not.

Keep journaling, keep meditating, keep relaxing. Feel your pain as rage, and not as a body issue. Then ask yourself, why am I doing this to myself? See what answers come to you.

Be well

Steve
 
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