when to talk to your subconscious

Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

Beloved Grand Eagle
I think I now know what the two main reasons are for my TSM that cause me back pain.

I've journaled about them but should I also talk to my subconscious about them and
tell it (aggressively) I know these are the causes of my pain and I'm working on solutions for them.

But during the day and night should I remind my subconscious that I know about the two causes which both come from my boyhood and are resurfacing now because of present-day realizations.

Maybe I should tell it to my subconscious every time I feel pain?
 
I can answer this question myself.

I just had strong pain in my back and yelled at it that it is not real but suppressed emotion from just one of my two sources of anger.
The pain subsided considerably and is almost gone.

So whenever I am in pain I will tell my subconscious it can no longer trick me and tell it that I know the suppressed causes.
 
Walt -

This is excellent approach!! I do the same thing when I feel a tension headache coming on threatening to ruin my day because I am ignoring my body pain. So far it's worked.

I am in week two with a lot to learn.

Keep up the good work!!!
 
Telling my subconscious SPECIFICALLY what the cause(s) are makes sense to me so I am doing it.
It keeps reminding me of the fears I'm fighting, but I think that's good and necessary.

I am 10 days into Dr. Brady's 6-week cure. It's so similar to Dr. Sarno's, and Sarno says many are
pain free in 2 to six weeks. But he says not to count days or hope cure is speeded up.

We're pain free when we're pain free.

It's quite an adventure into self-discovery. A pill is easier, but doesn't do the complete job,
so I'm staying away from medication or tests.
 
I am going to try that Walt. Telling the pain exactly what I think is causing it. Today I went for a walk in spite of having done one yesterday. My legs really hurt, but I am going to ingnore it and enjoy dinner with my husband.

I too am trying to be outcome independent. It's only Day #10 for me so I have a while to go. I do feel like crying but I won't let the pain achieve it's purpose. There are a lot of childhood issues I need to undo that got me right here so I am doing the work.

I don't know anything abouto Dr. Brady. I am little confused on what CD's to buy and listen to. Steve's book should be coming soon. I can't wait to read it.

Have a good evening!
 
The various pain free plans seem to be very similar.

Explore our past to find present-time parallels that may be causing us anger, fear, frustration, etc.
Yell at your subconscious that we know the pain is not real but caused by repressing emotions.
Journal.
Try to continue normal activity.

I also try to think positive as much as I can.

Steve said he had a patient who was 76 and couldn't walk, but now plays golf.
 
Thanks Walt. I heard that story as well. You'll be golfing in no time! Or whatever it is you like to do!!!

I just journeled some more. I think my biggest issues are anger and shame. I've worked very hard to prove myself professionally to make up for growing up poor. My fear of the bottom dropping out, in part, has led to this all over body pain.

I am working hard to stay positive! Fear and attention to the pain will keep it coming back!
 
I mainly just want to take my dog for long walks again.

I grew up poor, too, during the 1930s Great Depression. I've worked hard as a writer and have had success but little money. The present economy has put great pressure and worry on me. We made it through the first Great Depression and we'll make it through this one.
 
[quote="walt glenview, post: 4859, member: It's quite an adventure into self-discovery. A pill is easier, but doesn't do the complete job, so I'm staying away from medication or tests.[/quote]

Yes, it only masks what is going on, and at least in my case, makes me stupid, slow and unable to function at my life.
 
Hey Walt - It sounds like you are making terrific progress. Talking to your brain like that can really help you overcome TMS. I have heard quite a few people mention that they found Dr. Brady's book helpful. Have you read Brian's story yet? He read brady's book as well. It sounds like you are finding out what works for you, and that is one of the most important steps you can take.

Explorer said:
I am little confused on what CD's to buy and listen to. Steve's book should be coming soon. I can't wait to read it.
Click to expand...

There are a lot of books out there, so I know it can be confusing. The best thing to do though is to just not worry about which one is the best. Since Steve's book is on its way stick with that one for a while. If it resonates with you great, if not then look into buying another one. Remember, the book can only give you information. Recovery is about taking that information and putting it to work to heal yourself.
 
Thanks, Forest. I just read Brian's story and it is very inspiring. Tomorrow will make it two weeks following Dr. Brady's steps, which I have been doing in tandem with Dr. Sarno's brief daily program in HEALING BACK PAIN. I think I've exhausted any new reasons for anger, anxiety, fear, and Type A personality but I'll keep journaling if only to repeat what I've learned about myself so far. I certainly repressed a lot, from feelings of anger about my mother, guilt in only being able to be her caretaker for about two years, and accepting my mortality (no longer thinking if, but when), but outside of the TMS pain, I'm healthy. I feel real progress into having had the AHA Moment yesterday that when I feel pain, to take my mind off of it by focusing on any of my TMS (worry, anger, guilt) and thereby telling the subconscious it isn't tricking me anymore and I am in control. Not easy, but I realize its importance. This morning I had almost no back pain, and have been taking my dog in the car and driving to a safe street to walk with her. I walk a little farther each day even though halfway back to the car I feel the pain again. When I get home a sit awhile it goes away. I hope it's what you and others have said, that when we're starting to win the battle against our subconscious, it sends more pain. I'll take it until it realizes I've won. It might be of interest to others who feel guilty about not being able to help their mothers/fathers with eldercare that a friend's mother wrote a whole book about it. Some parents just can't be pleased, and my mom was one of those. I've decided that my Type A perfectionism and trying to please left guilt in my subconscious that is among the things that surfaced recently to cause me pain. Now I can forgive her and myself. My sister couldn't do enough for my mother either, nor could my mother's two sisters, and my brother never even tried, he just pushed mom on my sister and me. Anyway, I think I have that guilt under control. I'll just keep at the AHA Moment and keep positive that soon I can be pain free.
 
One more thought about trying to please my mother when I tried for two years... She asked for everything and wanted it done right away, and my Type A jumped to please her. What finally was the straw that broke the camel's back was during a blizzard. She asked me to get a refill on her "nerve medicine" at a drug store a dozen or more blocks away to do some grocery shopping for her. I got the medicine at the drug store, then drove to the grocery store and bought what she wanted. Of course I lost my parking place by my house, and had to dig a mountain of snow to park the car a block from my house and three blocks from my mother's apartment. I gave her the medicine and the bag of groceries. don't remember if she thanked me, but if she did that was erased when she frowned and said, "Oh, I wanted the can of sour kraut with caraway seeds, not plain!" She had never told me she wanted it with caraway seeds, and I swore at her. The F word. Then I called my brother to ask him to find a new caretaker for her. So yes, she was hard to please. Most senior parents are. We just can't let that make us feel guilty.
 
Wow Walt, this is a great discovery! I am seeing just how much our parents affect us. I wish someone could write that across the sky. Even with my own kids with somethings I am now say "who knew?" That said I can see my daughter has the same personality traits as I do and she was raised in a completely different environment. Some traits are genetic and not learned... IMHO
 
Hi, Explorer. Glad you read that. I thought I loved my mom and dad but journaling reminded me of things that I suppressed. I am in a
FORGIVE THEM and FORGIVE YOURSELF phase now, and hope my subconscious gets it. Today started off with hardly any back pain, then wow did the pain come on., probably because I've been frustrated with financial problems. I guess I cheated and took one Advil. It felt better after awhile. But I really just need to keep telling my subconscious I don't feel the pain, and remind it that I'm dealing with the present and past causes of anger, guilt, etc. Hope you're having a good day.
 
Hi Walt:

I don't think it's cheating to take an advil, in fact, I thought I saw Sarno say somewhere not to drop all your meds at once and do it gradually as the mind and body connect and you start feeling less pain. I could be wrong about that.

And yes, as for your mother and father, forgiving is the right thing to do because it's really for you and not them. I have a good bit of forgiving to do with my parents and I sometime meditate that they are angels coming from heaven to help heal my pain. I imagine a golden dust moving through my pain points and the pain seems to get better. Having them help me also helps with forgiving. Sounds a little crazy but it works.

Hope you are doing well today. I've had two almost pain free days.
 
I remember Sarno saying that about medication. One Advil if the pain is really bad definitely helps. But I try to just forget the pain.

Focusing on forgiving seems to be the best medicine. I just got Steve's book and started reading. He says forgiving others and one's self may be the most important step in being pain free. I need to work on that with a couple of people in my past. Not only tell myself I forgive them, but really forgive them. Maybe remember back when I liked them and forget what changed that. Who really knows why that changed anyway.

Imagining your parents helping you now is good.

Two days without pain? Wonderful. I walked farther this morning with my dog and the pain wasn't bad. I focused on forgiving but there was anger and not forgiving, just more blaming, and I have to stop that.

Steve is very deep stuff and I have never read on those levels before. I have always liked what James Thurber said, "Leave your mind alone."

But I will read Steve's book and continue with my 6-week program in the Dr. Brady book. I'm about a third of the way and feel it's helping.



 
That idea about forgiviness being an important step is one of many great ideas from Steve's book. Another one that really resonated with me was the role abandoment plays in TMS. A lot of times we view abandoment as having a parent or love you leave you early in childhood, but it can also include having a parent who was/is difficult to please. As you mentioned, having an overly critical parent can create the same powerful emotions that lead to TMS.

I have always felt that part of journaling is about identifying these important life events that happened to you, but the other part is to understand how these events have led you to repressing your emotions. In other words, how do these events effect how you react to situtations today.
 
Through journaling and time I have come to believe there were several triggers to my TMS, one past and one recent.
One involves abandonment in which I guess I've repressed feelings I abandoned my mother when she was elderly and my sister and I took turns looking after her when she moved into an apartment. My sister was worn out trying to please her and I took my turn for about 2 years until I finally had to give up for my own mental health. Our older brother never even tried. But Mom was impossible for anyone to please, especially as she grew older. So now I need to forgive her and my brother and myself for feeling I abandoned her.

The other thing is I grew up with my parents divorcing, Mom remarrying, then divorcing and remarrying my birth father, he dying ten years later when I was 21 and she married his brother just two months later. He was a jealous basket case for ten years until he died. So I grew up with all those divorce insecurities. The trigger, although friends have divorced and it didn't affect me, until close friends divorced about two years ago. We lived near each other and I felt like part of their family. Their divorce triggered-- brought to surface -- my suppressed emotions about the divorces I grew up with. I guess now, forgiving my parents for the divorces is the way for me to go.

Hope I haven't gotten too personal and journaling to you. I'm almost three weeks into the Sarno and Brady programs and feel progress toward healing, and I'm pushing myself each day to keep up with everyday physical activity, to tell my subconscious I will not be tricked into back pain.

If I'm sharing too personal in this post, feel free to delete it.
 
I don't think you have been too personal in your post. In fact, I am glad that you shared this. I can relate quite a bit to the situation with your mother. My mother is only 73 and in pretty good health at the moment, but I am taking a "mental health" break from her right now. She lives all alone across town from me and, though she has lived in this city for nearly 35 years, she knows not one other soul that she can call on in an emergency other than me (her second husband passed away a few years ago). My younger brother lives closer to her, but he doesn't drive and is in his own TMS mess. My oldest brother who is not local, has completely written her off, and my sister also lives in another state. I teeter between anger and guilt in my feelings towards all of them and know without a doubt that all of this contributes to the constant pain that I dwell in. A part of me wishes I could completely "give up" trying with her, but my heart won't let me. She truly has no one else here that she can count on.
 
It's no fun when an aging parent relies on just one sibling. It might help you to read a book by a friend's mother who wrote it when she was about 80.
It tells where the elderly are coming from and how to try to deal with them. IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME by Avis Carlson. You could buy it in hardcover for 1 cent plus postage from amazon.com books. Do what you can for your mother when you can but don't wear yourself out. They're focused on just themselves. Keep remembering you're doing all you or anyone can.
 
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