When should I start looking for a job again?

epitomeofhealth

epitomeofhealth

New Member
Hi! I have a question:

I developed severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/TMS symptoms in March, and after three months of fighting through them, I was forced to leave my job in May, come back to the US, and move in with my parents.

I just discovered Sarno and read The Divided Mind last week, and I'm very convinced that it's TMS. All of my medical tests are normal, and I have the exact personality he describes. Since discovering Sarno, I have experienced perhaps 50% improvement in my symptoms, which is extremely exciting. I'm working on the SEP now and hoping the rest goes away soon.

Here's the thing: Living with my parents is driving me NUTS. My mother is a huge source of my unconscious rage, and I feel restless and purposeless sitting around all day in the suburbs of nowhere (in the same house as her) having nothing to do except heal. I am well enough to leave the house and accomplish things, though I'm often exhausted afterwards.

My goal is to find a job in New York City (right now I'm a good eight hour drive away) and move there again, but I'm nervous to begin sending resumés before I'm 100% better -- what if I still feel like this and have trouble doing my job? At the same time, I don't know when I'll be 100% better, and I certainly don't want to wait to begin looking until then and have to sit around at home an extra 3+ months while I look for work and an apartment. How quickly can I expect recovery to continue from here? At what point do you recommend looking for a job and reinserting oneself back into real life? Will being back in the real world help my healing by not being afraid, or hurt it by overstressing myself back in the city that never sleeps?

I realize this is my TMS-personality coming out here -- impatience, ambition, needing to be "doing something" all the time, needing to be accomplishing things, guilt for sitting around and being dependent on my parents, etc. ... but I'm just far too excited to get back to my real, exciting, full-speed life. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Thanks so much!!
Sophia
 
Hi Sophia,

Sorry to hear of your struggles with TMS and your current, challenging living situation.

Waiting to be 100% better before starting to live your life sounds a little like the opposite of outcome independence to me. Have you read through Alan Gordon's Recovery Program? There is much wisdom there. Outcome independence is one of the most important concepts in recovery, but also the most difficult to grasp and to practice.

You can begin living your life now. You may not be ready for the exciting, stressful, dazzling life in NY that is your goal, but you can still find ways to enjoy life and be productive. Our TMS personalities often have us thinking in all or nothing scenarios, but this holds us back from enjoying life. There are many options available to you between living with your parents and being umemployed and living in NY city doing the stressful, exciting work you used to do.

It isn't possible to predict how long TMS recovery will take for you. Each of our roads have been different. But clock watching will hold you back. Do your recovery work around an hour an day, and then find a way to find joy and purpose in your life. You may need to start small and work up gradually to something else. Even volunteer work is a good way to get back into life and take the focus of yourself and your TMS.

You are on the right path. Welcome to the Forum. Keep us posted on how you're doing and feel free to ask questions at any time. We are all here to support one another.

Best wishes....
 
I completely relate to you and the story. I moved in with my folks when I got sick and could no longer do my job. For me it took a lot longer than expected to heal but I ended up getting a job that was a lot more restful and easy on my body rather quickly. I found I could work very well doing something new. Now I live on my own and I am free of about 90 % of the pain as it changes and lifts from moment to moment.

You will find your way.
 
Thanks so much for your thoughtful responses, Ellen and lexylucy!

Ellen, you're completely right -- waiting to look for a job is the exact opposite of outcome independence, and it feels like I'm waiting out of fear -- what if the symptoms get worse again? What if I get there and everything falls to pieces? What if it isn't really TMS after all? -- and that's, of course, no good, and I shouldn't make any decisions based on those fears. BUT, at the same time, I also feel like my yearning to begin looking for jobs is my Type-A personality coming through, which can never rest, never just "be", and always needs to be accomplishing things. I think I feel a strong guilt for being dependent on my parents right now (my mother doesn't assuage this guilt at all), which is another negative feeling to add to the pile.

Gah, I don't know. I guess I just need to ask myself and the Universe every day if the time is right yet or not. I can generate too many reasons for both sides using just the logical left-brain.
 
Sophia,

I was lucky to get through my low point without losing my job - and that was the best thing I could do for myself. Symptoms or not, it gives you confidence that you are doing better, looking for a job will give you extra drive and motivation. Go for it!
 
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