Well...back again and hoping for a kick in the ass

[Jules]

Many of you know me; I’ve been here for years now, off and on. For those that don’t, I’ve been recovering from TMS for about 6 years now, from fibro, myofascial pain syndrome, carpal tunnel, TOS, IBS, back, shoulder, and hip pain, and more. Some days, I do awesome and others not so much.

This last spring and summer have been very challenging, but I did things I hadn’t done in decades. Here is my list:

• Landscaped my back yard
• Helped hubby tear down and build a bottom and top deck
• Painted the interior of my work building - 6 rooms and a hallway, as well as moving furniture from one building to another
• Worked full-time
• Went hiking
• Reorganized kitchen and bathrooms
• Painted three of our own rooms

I kept busy and the pain largely stayed away. Fast forward to just last month and all hell broke loose. I was attacked by two dogs, my daughter got into two car accidents, a tornado ripped through my parent’s town, and just a week ago, I was let go from my job without warning or reason. (I live in an at will state) I’ve cried more this past two weeks than I had in months. Also, interestingly enough, two days after I was fired, I was offered ANOTHER job! This job pays more but it’s more hours (40 instead of 30) and now I’m in a managerial position, so of course there’s new stress. But, it’s literally 5 minutes from my house; I get an hour lunch break, and free Friday lunch, plus break room with snacks and such. I also get a view on the second level, in a newer building.

I’m nervous though because if I could be fired from my last job, even though I had just received a big raise, how will I know I won’t get fired at this job? There’s NO stability and being a TMSer, I crave it! Now, my right shoulder and neck pain has come back big-time - UGH! Granted, I will NOT let TMS prevent me from doing my job. I’ve had two jobs in the last two years, one I quit for other reasons besides pain, and one I was fired from.

So, I’m back to get a big kick in the ass, in other words, some encouraging words and maybe a different perspective on this all. @JanAtheCPA @Baseball65 @plum @Alan Gordon LCSW

Thanks.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Damn, @Jules, I guess if I had a month like you just did, my little child would be screaming bloody murder right now, in a "why me, WTF did I do to deserve this shit?" full-on tantrum.

And as if most of what happened isn't bad enough just on the surface, what about your daughter? I mean, two accidents in a row? WTF is that about, and should she even be on the road? If that isn't a mine field waiting to blow you up, I don't know what is.

Nicole Sachs says that life is a choice between what hurts and what hurts worse. When you experience pain, it's because your brain thinks that it's less painful to experience harmless pain than it is to face some kind of more painful truth. You just have to figure out what that is.

You can do this. I know

 

[Jules]

Damn, @Jules, I guess if I had a month like you just did, my little child would be screaming bloody murder right now, in a "why me, WTF did I do to deserve this shit?" full-on tantrum.

And as if most of what happened isn't bad enough just on the surface, what about your daughter? I mean, two accidents in a row? WTF is that about, and should she even be on the road? If that isn't a mine field waiting to blow you up, I don't know what is.

Nicole Sachs says that life is a choice between what hurts and what hurts worse. When you experience pain, it's because your brain thinks that it's less painful to experience harmless pain than it is to face some kind of more painful truth. You just have to figure out what that is.

You can do this. I know

Thank you, Jan. the first accident was her fault, very minor fender bender, but the second one wasn’t her fault - a guy rammed into her at a stoplight. She got whiplash and a little bruised but luckily, nothing more. The guy didn’t have insurance though so we’ve been dealing with that shit. It drove our insurance premium sky high, ugh, because she’s still on our insurance at 21.

Yes, my poor inner child has had it rough and I think is a trigger for what happened regularly as a child. We went though so much then and it seems like a never-ending cycle. Of course, the brain always tries to go back to the symptoms because the traumas are too much sometimes. The fact that this happened within three weeks of each other is the kicker. Trying to deal with processing the dog attacks and the physical healing, which has done quite nicely and I have no pain now. (weird, that THAT has healed but something that happened 6 years ago is STILL causing me grief?!) Anyway, got through that, then daughter gets into her second car accident and a week later, I’m fired from my job. I was so upset that I raged the whole time packing up my things and even told the HR lady that it was a shitty thing to do to someone just after they got a raise, got the company huge exposure by placing an article in the nation’s #1 water treatment magazine, and gained them hundreds of followers on social media, not to mention right before the holidays.

Now, I feel it was meant to be that I got this job so quickly - never experienced that - ever. So, of course, my first thoughts are about stability and security at this new job, and if I don’t measure up, will I be fired again?? Also, I’ve never managed in a work environment so this is a new challenge and worry.

Have been listening to some meditation to hopefully help me calm my inner child and gain confidence once again.

I KNOW I can do this!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Whew, I'm glad to hear that your poor daughter is merely suffering from what seems like the family bad luck. Although that second accident, as you well know, is a candidate for some amount of ptsd - anything that involves "ramming", yeeikes.

All I can suggest is to explore how all of these things, together and individually, affect your sense of security and safety, of community and belonging, of mortality and purpose, at the deepest "survival of me and mine at all costs" level of your primitive fearful brain.

~Jan

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Yes, my poor inner child has had it rough and I think is a trigger for what happened regularly as a child. We went though so much then and it seems like a never-ending cycle. Of course, the brain always tries to go back to the symptoms because the traumas are too much sometimes.

I am sorry for the stressors lately Jules. I think you make a very good insight above, that the now is triggered by the past, and the two are intertwined. Nothing can be helped about this except to see clearly, and have compassion for your self now and in the past. This is not easy, this compassion, for any of us. We learned to reject ourselves, and push ourselves to feel what we do not feel.

Sending you support, and huge recognition for all your physical activities the last months. I hope you see this courage and steadfastness in you. I do!

Andy