Visible Symptoms?

[NewBeginning]

The main set of symptoms that I am challenged by are not only painful but incredibly visible (skin inflammation/redness). Recently a neighbor who I have only seen a couple of times even commented on it. Also haven't been able to sort of "get ready" for the day like I used to, so most days don't even recognize myself.

Today, was particularly stressful -- just sort of life stressor kind of way (not traumatic) -- uncertainty/changing schedules, etc, but I literally could feel the symptoms reaching to further and further heights as I was interacting with someone - it wasn't even that they were a sources of stress, but my thoughts were (and, I was even aware of them and the images of me never being able to live fully again in the moment and all of it just pouring fuel on, but my mind believing all of it).

I've journaled quite a bit about it and it feels like it all stems from not wanting to be seen (or maybe more specifically not feeling safe to be seen) and potential of being misunderstood.

Of course, then my mind also flips (as I know so many others can relate) to maybe there is something really wrong here, maybe skin is flaring because I am talking and that is irritating it combined with the heat, and all of that. The fascinating thing is that it often calms completely over night when I am sleeping and only once I get up and start to get ready to move about during the day does it get more intense (particularly during a time of day that in the past was very stressful time of day so have been conditioned to react during that time and don't think I have had a day for the past 13 months when it hasn't happened - my body likes sticking to a schedule! ha ha). Funny, the way the mind can come up with a million new scenarios to excuse why I don't have symptoms when I feel safe and secure and tucked into my bed at night though! ha ha.

In any case, it does feel somehow like these visible symptoms can present an additional challenge piled on to the pain. Just curious if anyone else has symptoms that are clearly visible to the outside world? And, experiences with managing.

Thanks for any thoughts!

 

[Diana-M]

feels like it all stems from not wanting to be seen (or maybe more specifically not feeling safe to be seen) and potential of being misunderstood.

I think you are really onto something here. I have symptoms that people notice and want to talk about. I can’t explain it, but it’s literally absurd how slow I walk with my walker. People just stare and get all freaked out. They want to get all involved. Even total strangers. And I’m the kind of person who NEVER wants to be noticed. So, this has been my challenge. Face this; or be isolated. Little by little, I feel like I’m getting a thicker skin. I could easily tell someone to stop asking me questions. I’m caring less if people look. Still a long way to go! But imagine what a badass I’ll be when this all is over. You too!

Also haven't been able to sort of "get ready" for the day like I used to, so most days don't even recognize myself.

Me too! And this has made my self esteem plummet. I think I need to care more and try harder to pamper and care for myself. Sometimes I think I’m actually punishing myself—or abusing myself—by not trying harder. I used to care if I looked presentable. Now I don’t even care. I also think when you don’t leave the house, then you stop trying to look good and then it perpetuates not leaving the house. So at some point, you have to break the cycle. Groom and go out.

The fascinating thing is that it often calms completely over night when I am sleeping

See?! Proof! Tricky little lizard brain! (Me too. Calm if I stay on the couch. Head toward the front door, all hell breaks loose!)

Just curious if anyone else has symptoms that are clearly visible to the outside world?

Don’t know any advice except our TMS brains have got our number. We have to go out anyway. And love ourselves anyway. And ignore the rest of the world. We have a right to be who we are, how we are, right now.

 

[NewBeginning]

But imagine what a badass I’ll be when this all is over. You too!

YES!! So much power and freedom in this!!

Sometimes I think I’m actually punishing myself—or abusing myself—by not trying harder.

Gosh, this is so freaking relatable. Somehow it almost seems like I am saying to myself -- "see this is what you deserve now." Of course, even rational brain explains this as "it's just that it is so far away none of your efforts are going to make a difference anymore." Definitely, an abuser in there! But, yeah, just like in an abusive relationship somehow the cycle needs to be broken! Even if it is just one little aspect of it at a time.

We have to go out anyway. And love ourselves anyway. And ignore the rest of the world. We have a right to be who we are, how we are, right now.

Yes!! Thank you for this!

 

[Diana-M]

Somehow it almost seems like I am saying to myself -- "see this is what you deserve now

This!!! Me too! So sad, really. I’m trying to work on this.

 

[TrustIt]

I think you are really onto something here. I have symptoms that people notice and want to talk about. I can’t explain it, but it’s literally absurd how slow I walk with my walker. People just stare and get all freaked out. They want to get all involved. Even total strangers. And I’m the kind of person who NEVER wants to be noticed. So, this has been my challenge. Face this; or be isolated. Little by little, I feel like I’m getting a thicker skin. I could easily tell someone to stop asking me questions. I’m caring less if people look. Still a long way to go! But imagine what a badass I’ll be when this all is over. You too!

Me too! And this has made my self esteem plummet. I think I need to care more and try harder to pamper and care for myself. Sometimes I think I’m actually punishing myself—or abusing myself—by not trying harder. I used to care if I looked presentable. Now I don’t even care. I also think when you don’t leave the house, then you stop trying to look good and then it perpetuates not leaving the house. So at some point, you have to break the cycle. Groom and go out.

See?! Proof! Tricky little lizard brain! (Me too. Calm if I stay on the couch. Head toward the front door, all hell breaks loose!)

Don’t know any advice except our TMS brains have got our number. We have to go out anyway. And love ourselves anyway. And ignore the rest of the world. We have a right to be who we are, how we are, right now.

Wow! This is so me!!! I don't have anything obvious to others, but all else here is the same. I feel so good when in bed and most of the time when sitting. Not a single pain. The minute I stand and start walking I become almost incapacitated. Pain, off balance, sometimes nauseous. I have just gotten to the point where I go out only when absolutely necessary like to the grocery store or the bank. Total loss of interest and motivation for anything since I am thwarted by this very uncomfortable body at every turn. I'm sure I appear lazy to anyone looking at my life. And I'm sure I carry some guilt about that since have been a very active and productive person on my life. I stay home because that's my safe place with my pajamas. I could care less what I look like most days. This is a sign of depression I know. My symptoms are bizarre and impossible to describe. Tried everything and pretty much just decided to screw trying to do the ordinary things right now and just concentrate on where my thoughts are at any given moment. So many negative! I'm full into this work. Steve's TGPD book is so helpful. This TMS has held me prisoner for too many years! Time to break out! I took for granted my decades of wonderful health. Now I just count the hours until I can go back to bed. Not a lot of Life there!

 

[Diana-M]

Now I just count the hours until I can go back to bed. Not a lot of Life there!

No! But you can change that. A year ago, I was so completely overwhelmed by the entire package of my TMS that I played games on my phone almost the entire summer. I just wanted to check out. I could hardly get out of bed. Looking back, I’ve come a long way. I don’t feel hopeless at all anymore. But to be honest, not much has changed physically (yet.) What helped me a lot was a book called Feeling Good, by David Burns. Maybe it can help you, too.

Did you see this recent thread? I basically asked the forum how I could get up and get going. Great answers! https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/my-hardest-struggle-right-now%E2%80%A6.29842/ (My hardest struggle right now…)

I think it’s hard when TMS overwhelms us. You want to believe the big lie —that it’s not fixable. I know that it is fixable, though. Others have proven it.

 

[TrustIt]

Thank you, @Diana-M
I have at least gotten beyond feeling hopeless and abandoned by God. I just couldn't see a reason for being here if this was going to be my life. Not that I would have carried out this end, but I guess it is the ultimate escape that offers some maudlin sense of relief.
I have come a long way but it's been so many years and it seems the past year I have just remained the same and it's so frustrating!
Mainly it's food fear (orthorexia) with awful gas and rib cage pain that is so damn tenacious. I know we need to change ourselves and our mind instead of trying to change our bodies and I have asked and asked and begged to see what I need to see. What is the message here? So deep!

 

[Diana-M]

have asked and asked and begged to see what I need to see. What is the message here? So deep!

Well, on this topic, I’ve learned 3 things of late here on the forum. #1) you probably won’t be able to find the exact reasons behind your rage. You’ll only be able to make some close guesses. But that doesn’t matter. You don’t have to find the exact thing. #2) It’s not all about rage. You also have to teach your brain that it’s safe. So for you, I guess slowly eat things until little by little it doesn’t give you the symptoms. #3) It can take years for some people to get better. So it’s best not to give up.

This is an inspiring video on all three of those points.

https://youtube.com/live/pMPl55WKF28?si=iY8K6GhvW-X3NkNH

 

[tierra]

I also have been having visible symptoms since people have recently been pointing out how I'm walking like I'm injured (I have glute/hamstring TMS pain currently) and now that people notice it it does make me feel self-conscious. Before, I was more content with just working on my TMS symptoms in silence, so I definitely understand you're frustration! In my case I'm in a healthcare training program (I want to be a TMS practitioner one day ) and that adds a bit of self-consciousness as well since I'm working on resolving my own symptoms when I'm about to work with patients. But, I keep reminding myself that even TMS practitioners still get TMS symptoms!
It also helps to see that you all say that we need to just ignore the world and love ourselves anyway!