Hi! I'll write a brief symptom history which has a couple success stories!
My first TMS started in 2016, October. I'd come off antidepressants after 2 years too quickly and my anxiety/OCD went crazy. For some reason my brain was making me clench my butt muscles constantly on and off (like butt crunches) for 2 weeks until painkillers made me lose focus on the pain and it finally stopped. It was agony and it gave me a huge perineum bulge which is now a skin tag. After this I developed the fear that I'd damaged my pudendal nerve and that I was going to have my biggest fear, PGAD. I constantly thought about it and then some time in November, after a panic attack about it, I finally started getting the tingling sensations. At first it was just in one part of my vulva but then it started randomly appearing all over the pelvic floor. I started having stinging, electric shock sensations, a painful lump feeling in the pubic bone, tightness feeling, etc. I started taking the ADs again but they did nothing. In December for an unrelated reason, I ended up in hospital and had to get an MRI, CT scan, X-Ray and see some specialists (including a gyno after I told them about my pelvic symptoms). They said everything was clear and this reassured me massively (At the time, I believed PN could show up on an MRI) and after a few more months of believing and convincing myself I was healthy, everything went away and never came back!
This happened again with the fear of Interstital Cystitis (again, because of the fear of PGAD) only this time it took me the realisation that it always went away with reassurance and distraction to make it go away. One day during a bad "flare up" my boyfriend proposed to me, I was so excited and shocked that my symptoms just went away instantly. They never returned since!
Now, since February to May I've tappered off my antidepressants again, I was getting the odd mild TMS PGAD on and off - always went away and never returned with distraction and belief it wasn't real. But the next week after finally getting to 0mg, I've been getting a strange feeling of fluid being stuck in my urethra which only happens about 10-20 seconds after I pee. It's just a sudden twinge that lasts for a second but it's very very strong and uncomfortable and I also get slow/weak flow. When the doctor told me it wasn't a UTI, I instantly thought it was PN, IC or long-term/post-withdrawal syndrome/AD central or peripheral nerve damage (Which I learnt about during the first withdrawals) and I started getting a feeling like my bladder was constantly full. Some other symptoms have come and gone and all of them have changed their patterns at least once. My main symptoms now are, the stuck feeling in the urethra, slow/weak urine flow, bad stinging in and around my urethra which happens throughout the day and seems to have no relation at all to when I pee (started 5 days ago), the feeling of free-fluid in and around my bladder, pubic bone and urethra when I walk (started less than a month ago). I think that last symptom could be TMS but this stuck feeling and the stinging is the most real and persistent TMS symptoms I've ever had. I'm worried that they aren't TMS because of this and also because the first symptom came out of nowhere and was unrelated to any fear I had or usual TMS symptoms (I didn't even know having this feeling of fluid being stuck was a thing lol). I can't find this fluid symptom anywhere on Google at all and it doesn't match any of the conditions I'm scared of. I thought maybe Urethral Syndrome but I don't get pain during or after I pee at all. I haven't even got or had any pain besides this stinging which is only recent. I have to wait until October for my UBGYN appointment so in the meantime I'm trying out this and the other program here and I'm planning to read a couple of Dr. Sarno's books!
Anyway, with the question, What would a life without TMS mean to you? I have no idea. For 2 years now it feels like my purpose is to obsess over PGAD and managing all the TMS symptoms I have. If I didn't have TMS, life would feel like a big empty, scary place full of dangerous possibilities and I wouldn't know what to do with myself or my life. I'd feel like I have no right to be too anxious to do things which means I'd have to do them, even things I want to do like travel, otherwise I'd waste my life. I wouldn't know what permanent thing I have to focus on because everything feels temporary, except PGAD/PN/IC/chronic conditions. Managing a chronic conditions feels like the biggest purpose I could have and maybe my subconscious thinks it keeps me "safe" in my bubble, indoors. I wasn't really expecting that to be my answer but it's very enlightening! Maybe I need to find a bigger and better purpose that doesn't stress me out and still helps me feel safe and when I get more confident, I can move on to different things.
My first TMS started in 2016, October. I'd come off antidepressants after 2 years too quickly and my anxiety/OCD went crazy. For some reason my brain was making me clench my butt muscles constantly on and off (like butt crunches) for 2 weeks until painkillers made me lose focus on the pain and it finally stopped. It was agony and it gave me a huge perineum bulge which is now a skin tag. After this I developed the fear that I'd damaged my pudendal nerve and that I was going to have my biggest fear, PGAD. I constantly thought about it and then some time in November, after a panic attack about it, I finally started getting the tingling sensations. At first it was just in one part of my vulva but then it started randomly appearing all over the pelvic floor. I started having stinging, electric shock sensations, a painful lump feeling in the pubic bone, tightness feeling, etc. I started taking the ADs again but they did nothing. In December for an unrelated reason, I ended up in hospital and had to get an MRI, CT scan, X-Ray and see some specialists (including a gyno after I told them about my pelvic symptoms). They said everything was clear and this reassured me massively (At the time, I believed PN could show up on an MRI) and after a few more months of believing and convincing myself I was healthy, everything went away and never came back!
This happened again with the fear of Interstital Cystitis (again, because of the fear of PGAD) only this time it took me the realisation that it always went away with reassurance and distraction to make it go away. One day during a bad "flare up" my boyfriend proposed to me, I was so excited and shocked that my symptoms just went away instantly. They never returned since!
Now, since February to May I've tappered off my antidepressants again, I was getting the odd mild TMS PGAD on and off - always went away and never returned with distraction and belief it wasn't real. But the next week after finally getting to 0mg, I've been getting a strange feeling of fluid being stuck in my urethra which only happens about 10-20 seconds after I pee. It's just a sudden twinge that lasts for a second but it's very very strong and uncomfortable and I also get slow/weak flow. When the doctor told me it wasn't a UTI, I instantly thought it was PN, IC or long-term/post-withdrawal syndrome/AD central or peripheral nerve damage (Which I learnt about during the first withdrawals) and I started getting a feeling like my bladder was constantly full. Some other symptoms have come and gone and all of them have changed their patterns at least once. My main symptoms now are, the stuck feeling in the urethra, slow/weak urine flow, bad stinging in and around my urethra which happens throughout the day and seems to have no relation at all to when I pee (started 5 days ago), the feeling of free-fluid in and around my bladder, pubic bone and urethra when I walk (started less than a month ago). I think that last symptom could be TMS but this stuck feeling and the stinging is the most real and persistent TMS symptoms I've ever had. I'm worried that they aren't TMS because of this and also because the first symptom came out of nowhere and was unrelated to any fear I had or usual TMS symptoms (I didn't even know having this feeling of fluid being stuck was a thing lol). I can't find this fluid symptom anywhere on Google at all and it doesn't match any of the conditions I'm scared of. I thought maybe Urethral Syndrome but I don't get pain during or after I pee at all. I haven't even got or had any pain besides this stinging which is only recent. I have to wait until October for my UBGYN appointment so in the meantime I'm trying out this and the other program here and I'm planning to read a couple of Dr. Sarno's books!
Anyway, with the question, What would a life without TMS mean to you? I have no idea. For 2 years now it feels like my purpose is to obsess over PGAD and managing all the TMS symptoms I have. If I didn't have TMS, life would feel like a big empty, scary place full of dangerous possibilities and I wouldn't know what to do with myself or my life. I'd feel like I have no right to be too anxious to do things which means I'd have to do them, even things I want to do like travel, otherwise I'd waste my life. I wouldn't know what permanent thing I have to focus on because everything feels temporary, except PGAD/PN/IC/chronic conditions. Managing a chronic conditions feels like the biggest purpose I could have and maybe my subconscious thinks it keeps me "safe" in my bubble, indoors. I wasn't really expecting that to be my answer but it's very enlightening! Maybe I need to find a bigger and better purpose that doesn't stress me out and still helps me feel safe and when I get more confident, I can move on to different things.
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I've been going through a few stressful things but definitey the biggest is antidepressant withdrawing. I'm constantly scared of the long-term withdrawals they cause like PGAD or IC. 
I'm so glad you managed to stop worrying about the symptoms, that must have been so hard! I think I need to stop worrying every day that I'm going to develop this condition or that I already have. I noticed I get a bad few second flare ups whenever I'm scared of something (like asking a risky question, worrying about tripping down the stairs etc) I'm not sure why I get it every time I'm scared of anything it's so horrible though. 