Upper back pain, stays in the same place

Hey everyone, I'm new to this community, 25M. First picked up Dr. Sarno's book last Tuesday, so it's been about a week. I have a couple of clarifying questions to make sure I really do have TMS. Because if I do, I am so excited to have hope for healing!
To briefly describe my injury/pain history: I used to coach and play tennis a lot, and absolutely loved it. I had injuries here and there; I partially tore my MCL (took 11 months to recover) and I strained my achilles, which pain came off and on for a few months. In July of 2023, I hit a serve and instantly felt that I pulled some muscles in my back. It was my upper right back, and lower left back. It hurt quite a bit, but felt like a normal injury. Went to the doctor, and he said I should give it a week or two, and to go to PT a few times. Made sense to me, and I wasn't too concerned.
Because I wasn't too worried, I continued to coach through the pain (which was stupid of me, but I've always just been the kind of guy to "push through the pain"). After a couple weeks, the left side of my back healed no problem, but the right side only got worse. A couple more weeks, and my roommates and I moved apartments. I did the best I could to have others help me move my stuff, but still, after a couple of days of it, and I ended up in the ER with the worst pain of my life.
Since then, my pain has been constant and pretty bad (maybe a 5 out of 10). It might be a 3 on a good day, and a 7 on a bad day, but the location of the pain is always in the same spot. Like most of you, I've tried just about everything to fix it (injections, PT, heat, ice, chiro, dry needling, etc.) and nothing has done anything at all really. I can't even sit in my college classes, I have to get zoom links. Basically I'm in bed or on the couch all day every day, and doing anything for more than 5-10 minutes, including basic things like cooking, makes it a lot worse.
It sucks to have my life completely changed by this for the last 2 years. I'm one to be kind of skeptical of things like "meditation will help", but after reading the Mindbody Prescription, it makes a ton of sense and is giving me a new hope. Plus, my personality seems to fit the classic TMS type. In the last week, it honestly feels like it has started to get better, but there is still pain. I went to church for an hour yesterday, sitting on the hard pews, and it was amazing that my pain wasn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure I do have TMS, but a couple things are holding me back. I'd say I'm 90% convinced, but I've heard you need to be 100%. My pain has never moved locations, and every success story I've read said the pain moved around, or came and went, which is not my experience. Also it is my upper back, between the shoulder blade and spine, where the vast majority of TMS patients are lower back, or neck and shoulder. Last thing is that I do take muscle relaxers, and that actually does help the pain a bit (like it brings the pain down from a 5 to a 3).
So my questions are: do you think I have TMS? How can I buy in 100% to this? And lastly, should I stop taking my muscle relaxers even though it helps? I understand that the pain is physically there, and that my muscles really are tight, but I know that that stems from emotions, and the unconscious rage, etc.
What do you all think?
Thank you!

Edit: One more thing I should mention: all my MRI's, X-rays, and blood tests have all come back clean, which was really frustrating lol

 

Welcome! I have only been doing this work for a month and 1/2. But I would recommend that you start by making an evidence list. Take this post and write what makes you think you have TMS. Your scans that came back all clear is a big sign. And the fact that various treatments have not helped you is another. You can also go to the Symptomatic.me website and take their quiz that was developed by various TMS physicians. The link is here: https://www.symptomatic.me/ (Symptomatic – Association for Treatment of Neuroplastic Symptoms)

As for doubts-I deal with it everyday. I refer back to my Evidence list if I start to wonder if it is TMS. That has helped me to stay away from googling anything.

Lastly, try the SEP program here on the website. It's free and has focused educational information and journaling activities as you start this work.

 

I do think you have TMS.

Don't take this "100% sure" too seriously. TMS will bombard you with anxiety, since it's one of the common symptoms. Also, the ego tries hard to dismiss anything that leads you to process repressed emotions.
I've seen several success stories where the person says they still had a little doubt, but knew it was just TMS being TMS.

 

Hey:
@Joulegirl is absolutely right. It takes time for Sarno's theories to really sink in, and doubt is normal. You don't have to 100% believe now - because you will once you see the evidence.
An evidence sheet is a great idea. Make a page with two columns. One is filled with reasons why you think your symptoms can not be TMS. The other side is filled with the changes you are seeing as you begin doing the TMS work. These include focusing on the psychological and mindset changes that Dr. Sarno focuses on as well as any physical changes
Some of my pain symptoms never move. Always in the same place so don't worry about that as proof that you have TMS or not.
Your body is tight from anxiety. Yes, that involves emotions, stress, etc. but it really all boils down to anxiety.
Sarno was no against taking medications when needed. You'll need to look at your mindset tolerance to being OK with being uncomfortable and sometimes feeling pain vs. your feelings about taking the medication re: frequency of using it. Since they are muscle relaxers, you only need to take as needed. You discuss being OK with having injuries in the past and understanding they were temporary, and you healed. What is the difference with your ability to tolerate your current pain when it is say, a 5 out of 10 (you don't have to answer here, it's just something to ponder).
You mention you tend to be someone who "pushes through pain" - which is fine, unless you do it with a lot of self-pressure, self-judgement and being hard on yourself...you know, those thoughts of "musts" and "have to's" are really placing stress on yourself... that feeling of having to "measure up". It's a lot different than desiring to heal and get back to the things you love eg. gradually, or in a day or two etc.

Sarno lays out the work we are to do. You've mentioned it's about unconscious rage, suppression of emotions - and it's also about how the personality traits we learn to navigate our life situations are effecting us now - how they are no longer useful to us in the ways we use them and how they create internal stress. Essentially how we think about ourselves.

Don't worry about your pain seeming "different" than everyone elses. If you've been check out by a Dr. and cleared of anything serious, then it's simply the fact that your brain has picked a spot that gets your attention, and found a way to keep you hyperfocused on the physical. Many of us have had pain (including me) in just about EVERY part of my body chronically (including between the shoulder blades many years ago).

Doing the SEP is a great way to get into Sarno's work!

 

I'm new to this and largely in the middle of it myself, but I relate to your pain. I also struggle with back pain and have been bed-bound for a week at a time as someone in my early 20s.

Something I've been learning recently is pressure. I think a huge part of my symptoms come from pressure. "I have to be here today or else." or "Meditating has to make me feel better today or I'm a failure at this." or "If I don't heal soon, I'm going to mess up my life." It's all pressure. I see some of that in the need to be 100% confident. I don't think that's true, and I think the preoccupation with needing to be 100% confident shows you might put lots of pressure on yourself to "solve" it as effectively as possible. Maybe spend some time on what it would look like to take pressure off of yourself and see how that feels. But again you can't come into that with the mindset "this will heal me." Rather, "I hope this helps heal me, but it's okay if it does not." At least in my experience, but I know it's different for everyone! Your experience has just sounded very similar to mine!

 

This is exactly how I've felt haha, it's ironic that I feel pressure that this TMS strategy will work, and therefore sort of actually holding me back. Thanks for the advice! I am someone who naturally puts a lot of pressure on myself.

 

Thanks for the link to that program, just started it today