Under Pressure

ValkyrKai

ValkyrKai

Peer Supporter
Hey all!

I’m realizing that the pressure that I put on myself is one of the main stressors in my life and I’d love to hear if you have any no pressure spins you’ve been able to put on some of you’re pressure thoughts. For example(I think I may have posted this example on a reply somewhere else today)

Today instead of “I need to Journal today” I’ve been trying to correct it to, “I think I’d like to journal today.”

I’d love to hear how anybody else flips their thinking like this, and also if you think it’s a good practice, or if it’s helped you at all!
 
I think a lot of the psychological work, after recognizing your personality traits and how they developed and reflect the current emotional and thought patterns you have becomes mindset work.
We learn how our operating system works and how that can fuel subconscious anger (and other emotions) but begin to realize we do have power over thoughts and can also learn new habits (and drop old ones not serving us). “Get to” over all the shoulding is an excellent way to cultivate a more vibrant and creative mindset. Choosing instead of feeling the “musts” or “have to’s” within the lense of personality traits (people pleasers and goodists need to make sure they don’t fuel those fires!) is a way to instill some gratitude, and to feel our power over negativity and a glass half-full outlook. It’s also a great way to begin getting out of negative mindsets like constant anger that are just other coping mechanisms. This mindset change has been a huge game changer for me and has been what has banished (mostly) depression, apathy, lack of interest, a lot of fear, and a general feeling of the current state of the world being a huge downer.
I am privileged to have house cleaners come every few weeks. They are currently on vacation, so I “get” to do chores I don’t like.. however I have reframed this by getting to physically challenge myself and move in ways I don’t always do. It’s no longer a chore but, exercise!
There is a TMS therapist in Australia who uses some very different and unique methods of mindset work, especially dealing with personality traits, much in this same manner. I love some of her ideas. Once you discover things like perfectionistic traits and the internal struggles it can create, learn to use it to your advantage! Utilize the perfectionistic tendencies to organize your kitchen instead of trying to organize and control things you can’t. My house is looking awesomely organized and it is a positive way to use this trait.
 
Cactusflower said:
I think a lot of the psychological work, after recognizing your personality traits and how they developed and reflect the current emotional and thought patterns you have becomes mindset work.
We learn how our operating system works and how that can fuel subconscious anger (and other emotions) but begin to realize we do have power over thoughts and can also learn new habits (and drop old ones not serving us). “Get to” over all the shoulding is an excellent way to cultivate a more vibrant and creative mindset. Choosing instead of feeling the “musts” or “have to’s” within the lense of personality traits (people pleasers and goodists need to make sure they don’t fuel those fires!) is a way to instill some gratitude, and to feel our power over negativity and a glass half-full outlook. It’s also a great way to begin getting out of negative mindsets like constant anger that are just other coping mechanisms. This mindset change has been a huge game changer for me and has been what has banished (mostly) depression, apathy, lack of interest, a lot of fear, and a general feeling of the current state of the world being a huge downer.
I am privileged to have house cleaners come every few weeks. They are currently on vacation, so I “get” to do chores I don’t like.. however I have reframed this by getting to physically challenge myself and move in ways I don’t always do. It’s no longer a chore but, exercise!
There is a TMS therapist in Australia who uses some very different and unique methods of mindset work, especially dealing with personality traits, much in this same manner. I love some of her ideas. Once you discover things like perfectionistic traits and the internal struggles it can create, learn to use it to your advantage! Utilize the perfectionistic tendencies to organize your kitchen instead of trying to organize and control things you can’t. My house is looking awesomely organized and it is a positive way to use this trait.
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@Cactusflower I could definitely benefit from thinking about the things I can control rather than the things I can’t! Thank you for this post! “I get to” is a really great way to reframe some things.
 
ValkyrKai said:
I’d love to hear how anybody else flips their thinking
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There is a loooong-ago forum member who was in on the very beginnings of the wiki/forum with Forest, and who I'm pretty sure was also one of the original SEP contributors - but whose name I can't recall at the moment :rolleyes:... anyways, she coined the following reminder, which is so f'ing simple but so hard for us to do, which is (drumroll needed after all that):

Don't "should" on yourself
 
I am LOVING this thread! Thank you so much for the fantastic advice. And thanks, Eli, for the great question! I knew about the avoiding shoulding on ourselves. But I never thought to reframe it. It’s almost like you are babying your mind. It wants to hear things a certain way. The least stressful way. I like this!

One thing I’ve noticed since coming to the wiki and working here is how fast my mind goes with nonstop assignments. It’s like my default is cataloging what I SHOULD do soon. It’s almost impossible to get a word in edgewise to myself. So lately, I’ll just talk to myself and say, “Hey. I know you’re nervous and you want to cover all the bases. Everything is ok.” This is helping a little. But I have a long way to go. I definitely have realized this way of thinking is a very old habit.
 
Diana-M said:
I am LOVING this thread! Thank you so much for the fantastic advice. And thanks, Eli, for the great question! I knew about the avoiding shoulding on ourselves. But I never thought to reframe it. It’s almost like you are babying your mind. It wants to hear things a certain way. The least stressful way. I like this!

One thing I’ve noticed since coming to the wiki and working here is how fast my mind goes with nonstop assignments. It’s like my default is cataloging what I SHOULD do soon. It’s almost impossible to get a word in edgewise to myself. So lately, I’ll just talk to myself and say, “Hey. I know you’re nervous and you want to cover all the bases. Everything is ok.” This is helping a little. But I have a long way to go. I definitely have realized this way of thinking is a very old habit.
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I definitely feel this. I have to keep reminding myself that there isn’t a perfect right way to do this stuff and that I’m not on a schedule. While I want to be pain free I’m not required to do so perfectly and right now. It’s hard to remember but I’ve been reminding myself more and more.
 
Great ideas here!

Here are some possible ways to talk to yourself or reframe in the moment. The important thing is you're seeing the pressure tendency and connecting it to history, patterns, catching yourself in the moment and being kind to yourself----as it seems you're doing. You almost can't go wrong in your self talk, and also be aware of any spins you take which have some familiar sense of pressuring.

I suggest sensing into your body and see how the expressions land. You'll probably know if they are space-giving, or relaxing, or at least neutral. Not be fuel perfectionism (in myself or others :)) but tweaking a single word can make a difference. It is the opening to your experience, and attuning which might be a wonderful experience, regardless of the exact results.

Here are some:
You're pressuring yourself right now, and this is hard for you.
You want to do things just right, and I understand.
Trying to do things well, you may be a little hard on yourself. You're fine the way you are.
The journaling will come when it needs to. No need to rush.
 
You're pressuring yourself right now, and this is hard for you. Is there something you'd like to do right now?

I added that second part to the phrase after reading it aloud and sensing in. I feel happier now saying it!

Explore and enjoy!!
 
Andy Bayliss said:
You're pressuring yourself right now, and this is hard for you. Is there something you'd like to do right now?

I added that second part to the phrase after reading it aloud and sensing in. I feel happier now saying it!

Explore and enjoy!!
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Andy,
So your TMS brain listens to all this new way of talking to yourself? And it believes you? (It doesn’t question that all of a sudden you are acting differently?) Does it take awhile for this all to sink in and have an effect?
 
Diana-M
I suppose it may sometimes take awhile to turn around symptoms, but the benefit of being there for yourself with these kind of statements is immediate. It de-escalates the freeze-flight-fight response, in my experience. There can be an immediate sense of ease. And with this, part of us responds to this and wants more. We want to relax. Then we learn to change the habits, or add/redirect statements like these when we observe the old pressuring patterns.

I like this one because it recognizes the desire and the pressure, and it gently supports with a reassurance, slight redirection.

While I want to be pain free and I’m not required to do so perfectly right now
 
Andy Bayliss said:
You're pressuring yourself right now, and this is hard for you. Is there something you'd like to do right now?

I added that second part to the phrase after reading it aloud and sensing in. I feel happier now saying it!

Explore and enjoy!!
Click to expand...

I loved all of these! And I added them to my notes! Thank you for your input!
 
Diana-M said:
Andy,
So your TMS brain listens to all this new way of talking to yourself? And it believes you? (It doesn’t question that all of a sudden you are acting differently?) Does it take awhile for this all to sink in and have an effect?
Click to expand...

I can say that I avoided the positive self talk for a long time because I didn’t think I could trick my brain into thinking and believing things just by saying them. But I went for a jog a couple of nights ago(nearly symptom free!) and the entire time I just kept repeating positive affirmations to myself and it felt really good. I haven’t even been jogging in more than a year and I didn’t stop once. I kept saying stuff like, “you’re incredible! It’s awesome that you’re doing this! I love you. I’m so proud of you.”

and I would try to banish any negative thoughts when they would come up and just keep repeating the affirmations. It definitely made me feel like I could start to believe them. at the very least it kept my mind from wandering to a more pessimistic outlook.
 
ValkyrKai said:
you’re incredible! It’s awesome that you’re doing this! I love you. I’m so proud of you.”
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Eli, that’s great you went on a run and felt so good! I love what you said to yourself! Andy and you are helping me see that we can immediately change how we feel with our thoughts. And our thoughts will soothe our bodies.

Andy Bayliss said:
I like this one because it recognizes the desire and the pressure, and it gently supports with a reassurance, slight redirection.
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Yes! I do like the idea of recognizing how much I want to do things, but telling myself it’s ok to back down off that massive pressure-filled chore list.
 
Diana-M said:
Yes! I do like the idea of recognizing how much I want to do things, but telling myself it’s ok to back down off that massive pressure-filled chore list.
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I wrote out the massive chore list, taped it to my kitchen cupboard and walk by it daily.
Writing it out made me see what was necessary now, what is for the future and that much of it isn’t for me, but others to do. So much pressure has been relieved. Other must-do now items came up, bumping other things lower on the totem pole too… which has helped a lot with recognizing I can’t control when stuff gets done.
 
Cactusflower said:
I wrote out the massive chore list,
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This is just another example of how "writing shit down" really helps to put it into perspective! I do this too - and when I write out the list, it immediately seems less daunting. Then I get to cross stuff off and see what I'm accomplishing. A big factor in the pressure build-up is that my monkey mind is constantly going over the list in my head, worried about what I'm forgetting.

Solution: Write it down! (Which is actually my #2 all-time rule for success - easier to apply in business than personally, of course!)
 
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