~trying!~ to move ~joyously~ toward healing! let's chat!

hello! as my username suggests one of my mantras that I have adopted is that I am moving ~joyously~ toward healing, which is much easier said than done! I have been suffering from chronic back pain and sciatica pain for about 10 years now and my most recent pain flare up started in April and is still going strong unfortunately. I have tried TMS therapy in the past but when this new flare up came and the pain was unbearable, i completely shoved all knowledge of TMS out of my mind and i have been trying to deal with my pain structurally for these past 9 months to no avail.
Finally the other day I remembered TMS and the ideas all started to flood back. The fact that my pain has been persisting for so long, that it changes places, intensity, duration etc etc all the time. That i did have back pain but now I am having chronic foot pain too?
I just reread dr. sarno's book and am feeling invigorated by this new fuel. but I still know that despite the fact that I want to believe my pain is TMS, truthfully I don't fully believe its true.
Wondering how others have gotten themselves to the point of full belief? And also taking tips on what helped people stay dedicated to the process. I know for myself the pain can become quite discouraging and I fall off the wagon(which is why I think my pain was able to return so lethally to begin with) so how are others staying on that damn wagon???
Thank you, it is comforting to be around others who are going through what you are and to help share info and knowledge on how to get ourselves out of these cycles. much love to this forum xx

 

Hi Joyous, welcome to the forum!
I believe in the psycotherapy theory that our unconscious mind is made of different parts that usually conflict themselves. That said, I don't think there's a state of full belief, because some of these parts are easily controlled by TMS and will send danger messages to keep you from living your full life.
What you can do then is recognise the conflicting message (because trying to shut it down only enhances it), and tell your mind you know this is not true, and that you will heal.
Also, you're only human, so if these TMS messages are too loud you can accept it's a hard day, and be kind to yourself. Let you feel the sadness/anger, and sooth yourself afterwards.

And I really like how you embrace the idea of healing through joy

 

Hi, joyous!
For me it has been this forum. I come on here every single day. I read the posts no matter what the symptoms are, and I learn from people that answer. When they suggest things I look into them. I went from having some doubt to having zero doubt about TMS. plus I learned a whole bunch of things and made some friends. I highly recommend this forum. Participating in a dedicated manner has changed my life.

 

I'm not sure what wagon you are speaking about. Just reading a Sarno book isn't enough for most people. I suggest committing to one of the daily programs. There is one for free on this site called the Supported Education Program. There are others in books you can buy, like Dr. Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain. In these you commit to doing an exercise, usually involving journaling, on a daily basis for a period of time. That is a "wagon" to get on that has proven results for most people. It will require putting in the effort every day whether you feel like it or not. In fact, the less you feel like doing it, the more benefit you will get from completing the daily assignment.

Best wishes and let us know how you're doing.

 

In the beginning of my TMS journey for my current symptoms, I've fallen of the wagon a couple of times because when I would do more and ignore my symptoms, they got worse. This definitely shook my faith in it being TMS, and I would crawl back to my safe space of "I shouldn't do this, this is hurting me, it's not TMS". Also not seeing results got me doubting if this was the way to go. Always when I wasn't sure, I was having trouble "sticking with it" because if it's not TMS, I shouldn't do lots of activity because it will make it worse.
for me it was definitely a doubt -> fear -> seeking safety thing.

But the more I read about it, the more it occurred to me that the symptoms at their worse, could still be TMS, and didn't have to be a signal that I had to stop. Yes, even when I think I can't go on, even when I think I've really done too much, even when it seems like there is a clear link between amount of action and symptoms, it is still something my brain generates.

Really thinking about this mechanism every time I started to doubt and feel myself becoming scared eventually helped.
I'd visualise or tell myself, what is happening in my brain: My brain is not liking what I'm doing, and it is trying to stop me. This is not my body, my body has an incredible amount of energy, but my brain is trying to stop me. etc. etc.
This really strengthened my believe, because once I started doing that, I could see the symptoms respond to it. There is really no better way of getting faith in the diagnosis than seeing those small first signs.

After that there's really no question of staying on the wagon. You'll want to come back and do the work, because you want to get rid of the symptoms and you know this is the only way that will ever happen.

 

Thanks, Jan! I'm learning from you folks

 

Thank you so much all for your insightful and caring responses. This is my first time participating in an online forum of any kind and so I'm even nervous typing these things out and being vulnerable in this way because I never have done it before. But you all are making it so possible, so thank you!

I have already created a document for myself of encouraging and inspiring words from y'alls responses. I just went on my first walk where I was trying to be mindful of how much fear was rising in me and how often i focused in on my pain and WOW its all consuming. But, I feel inspired by what all of you have said. currently on day ~4~ of program on this site! so much fear to let go of, but so much to gain when I do let myself release. I wish all of you strength in your healing processes!!!

xxx ~joyous~