Trouble staying determined/accepting of TMS

[indecisiveman]

This thread has probably been posted a billion times but anyway, I'm suffering from what is most likely CPPS for the past 10 months. It started when I thought I had an STD, and I still have trouble letting it go. I'm negative on all tests, and even got tested for the mycoplasma/ureaplasmas about a month ago and they were negative. now, this was in November and my last sexual contact was in January. So I should be okay, right? My doctor said as much, that I'm normal and that all my tests will keep coming back negative no matter what I do. I'm just having trouble accepting it and accepting TMS/psychosomatic condition as my actual problem. I have pelvic symptoms:

-Aches near the pelvic bone (that curiously shift from right to left a few times a day)
-Fasciculations in my perineum and legs/thighs
-Sensations of crawling/tingling around my male parts
-Testicular pain (rarely)

So when I type it all out I think that this doesn't sound like any infection. And I have good days sometimes where I see my friends or involve myself in an activity and the symptoms really die down, but then they strike back and I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I'm also on an antidepressant (Elavil, 10mg). I'm a week and a half in and it's been really messing me up, I'm super tired and my heart is pounding and my symptoms don't seem to be letting up... I'm contemplating ditching the meds but I know my doctor would be upset with me if I did.

I know the strategy is to just live my life like nothing is wrong... but this is so constant yet not constant that I don't know what to believe the reality of my situation is. I'm afraid to exercise or shower a lot of the time bc I feel like I can't be sure that TMS is my problem and not something else. I feel like my sense of intuition has been shattered by my need to be completely certain.

I think my main thing is that my symptoms are very localized and fine, as opposed to widespread (which I've read is how TMS behaves, therefore I have trouble believing). They're localized to my groin mainly and seem to focus on the same spots. They shift around (even a few minutes ago I felt an ache run through my groin in a place i'd never felt before), and I do have knee pain and jaw pain (it's either one or the other though, right now it's my knee and not my jaw). Listing that out, sounds like it probably isn't an STD or something. I keep thinking it's ureaplasma because I've read so many horror stories about how it also can come and go, or cause spasming.... but then again I don't have any pain when peeing and I never have. Wow this is a lot of text, I really appreciate if anyone responds with any insight because this is so exhausting. Thank you.

 

[NCGal]

I'm very new to this myself. But look at the facts. You have shifting symptoms, and symptoms that go away at times such as when you are otherwise engaged. And medical tests have turned up nothing. These are strong indications of TMS.

Do you have any tools you are working with? Do you continue to read more and learn more about TMS? Or meditate, or listen to podcasts, or watch YT videos? IMO you don't need to have 100% belief. You can tell yourself you are learning to believe and move forward anyway. You have nothing to lose.
Good luck!

 

[Cactusflower]

@indecisiveman
The key is not to continue living your life as you were, the key is AWARENESS as how you were living contributed to chronic pain. Awareness takes work and self-discovery, everyday. Dr. Sarno explains this work (although not in depth enough for me personally). This website contains two free programs which explain and help guide you through this inner work. While you do the program you try and live as “normal” as possible while thinking about the psychological genesis of your symptoms. It is ok to work on all of it gradually, and focus only short times (an hour a day plus moments in the day) on this work and the exercises presented. You’ll soon learn that your groin pain is the same as someone’s neck pain or my back pain because although it FEELS so specifically physical, its really psychological.
Sometimes this all takes some time to sink in, but it will!