Day 10 Treatment Struggles

[Bugs]

At Day 8 - which was 4 days ago - I was doing great. Then some personal challenges: my son made some stupid decisions with a group of boys and got arrested. Relatively harmless in the grand scheme of things, but something if it stays on his record that will affect him getting into a good college and beyond. Also, it’s not the first time he’s made bad choices and got into what could be real trouble, but in the past it was my wife and I who caught him, rather than the police. Up to this point, there have been lots of punishments and restrictions and long heart-to-heart talks about what this kind of thing can do to his future and why we feel the way that we do. He is a really, really smart kid, but, he obviously he still didn’t quite get it (which I do understand, having once been a 16 year boy myself). So here we go again, each time with the stakes just a bit higher.

There is also all the conflict/emotion/negotiation between my wife and I as we try to come to grips with everything and agree on the appropriate responses.

I have a few other new stressors as well: a sudden onset of illness in the family at the same time, and some big changes coming up this week and next due to pre-existing summer plans that we are trying to negotiate everything around.

So, lots of emotions to try and process for me. Anger at my son for putting us into this situation. Fear at what might happen to him. Sadness at having to punish him and curtail him yet again. Powerlessness, because other than having retained a lawyer, there’s nothing else I can do at this point. Exhaustion. Frustration. There are lots more things flowing around, and I’m journaling about it, but I still feel the physical manifestations the most. I ask myself a lot “what am I feeling?” and I try to get to that, but it’s a struggle for me, and often I just don't know what I'm feeling.

I’ve slid backwards a bit in my progress. It’s also been hard for me to focus on the SEP these last few days, but I am doing my best to get back into the daily habit. I just feel so overwhelmed having all of this going on, plus trying to address TMS, plus deal with work and daily obligations, plus I’ve been trying to make some time for myself lately for a change, plus my wife is as stressed out as I, if not more. After some initial success, my pain is doing its best to reintegrate itself into my life, and I am working at not letting that happen. I’m still practicing all the new techniques I learned and put into my Day 8 post.

Today’s unsent letters – one to my son and one to my wife, helped a bit.

I’m not going to let this derail me though, and I will get back on track. I know that I have no other avenue out of the pain hellhole I’ve been in for a long time.

Bugs

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Bugs. It's perfectly understandable that your problems with your son could cause you to have TMS pain.

If it is any consolation, friends went through similar problems with their son when he was in high school. He hung out with problem guys.
He got into drugs but counseling helped and he got off of them. He turned out fine... went to a good college, graduated and now teaches poetry college level and married and is soon to be a father.

Hang in there! Better times are ahead for you and your wife and son.

It's really important to find some calming time for yourself. Meditation is one real good way.

Meditation is a time-honored way of relaxing the mind and relieving anxiety, mental stress, headaches, and even physical pain. There are many ways to practice meditation, but many consider the most successful to be a technique called the Relaxation Response (RR).

It is a wonderful way to practice TMS Mindbody Healing because it changes harmful thinking in the subconscious mind which Dr. John Sarno says causes pain that is not caused by anything structural.

The RR, practiced once twice a day for 10, 15, or 20 minutes has a profound positive effect on the subconscious mind, relieving or curing everything from anxiety, hypertension, headaches, fatigue, nervousness, dizziness, high blood pressure, insomnia, stomach problems, all forms of pain including backaches, abdominal pain, muscle pain, neck, arm, and leg pain, and relieves side affects from cancer and AIDS.

RR is like Transcendental Meditation which is taught by TM specialists who charge hundreds or thousands of dollars. But the RR is free and you can do it yourself.

It is practiced, before a meal, and works best if not practiced within two hours after a meal. I do it in bed before arising in the morning and again in bed before falling sleep. Often, I only do it 5 or 10 minutes and it works to calm me and put me to sleep.

Just sit in a chair (or lie in bed in the morning or at bedtime), close your eyes, don’t listen to any music, and try to avoid outside noises. Let your mind think of a word such as "One " which has no real meaning or association. Or say a calming word such as “Calm” or “Peace,” or add the faith or spiritual element by saying a favorite religious word or prayer. Breathe naturally or incorporate Deep Breathing by breathing in through the mouth to inflate the stomach, suck in the stomach while holding the breath for a few seconds, then say the word when you exhale through the mouth.

Say the word silently over and over. At the end of the 10 to 20 minutes, picture and feel yourself as you were when you felt your best, and in a place where you felt that way.

When distracting thoughts arise during the RR, as they will, just tell yourself, “Oh, well,” and go back to repeating your chosen word.

My "word" is a prayer: "God loves me and is protecting me." I say it a few times and go right to sleep. If my mind wanders onto other things, I tell myself"Oh, well," and repeat my mantra silently while deep breathing.

There are several free videos on Youtube about the Relaxation Response. I especially recommend these two by Dr. Benson: