TMS Symptoms caused not by tension/stress itself, but the running away from?

[Dusty]

As most of us know, symptoms are often caused by repressed emotions such as anger or fear. We might repress anger in relationships, like with family when trying to get along with them. We might repress fear when in midst of a demanding, stressful job. But what if all relationships are going smooth, we have a stress-free job, yet we are still getting symptoms?

Could it be that we have isolated ourselves from any job or relationship that would ask too much of us as a sub-concious way to avoid potential stress or pressure? And could this be causing back pain, migraine, acne, etc..?

That is, we are not living toward self-actualization and for that there is a price to pay, too?

 

[Diana-M]

But what if all relationships are going smooth

Sarno said to look at your closest relationships for sources of your rage. Especially if you think things are going smoothly. Usually there’s something there you are suppressing because it might be too unacceptable to face. Just food for thought.

And yes, you can also get TMS because you are not fulfilling your dreams. You have to dig all around—in every part of your life. Turn everything upside down and take a look.

 

[NewBeginning]

@Diana-M - Appreciated reading this "food for thought."
I'm getting ready to start Day 2 with seems it will be about anger and that one is definitely one that I don't seem to feel/express, but clearly one that might just be too unacceptable to face (sadness and despair have been lifelong routes of expression in most circumstances). Perhaps will have more thoughts on this as I process more.

 

[Diana-M]

@Diana-M - Appreciated reading this "food for thought."
I'm getting ready to start Day 2 with seems it will be about anger and that one is definitely one that I don't seem to feel/express, but clearly one that might just be too unacceptable to face (sadness and despair have been lifelong routes of expression in most circumstances). Perhaps will have more thoughts on this as I process more.

I hear you! I was completely unable to feel anger. ( I still have a hard time.) I can see intellectually that I SHOULD be angry. But I can’t FEEL it. This is where suppression comes in and TMS is born. Over time, the goal is to FEEL and teach your brain that it’s ok to feel emotions.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Don't discount the power of uncertainty to influence your equanimity. We are currently surrounded by uncertainty, and humans hate not being in control in the best of times.

 

[NewBeginning]

I hear you! I was completely unable to feel anger. ( I still have a hard time.) I can see intellectually that I SHOULD be angry. But I can’t FEEL it. This is where suppression comes in and TMS is born. Over time, the goal is to FEEL and teach your brain that it’s ok to feel emotions.

Thanks so much. Yes, that makes so much sense. So much to unpack with this particularly emotion especially having grown up in a household where anger from one parent was so completely traumatic and there was no logic to it. I was always trying to figure out what it was that would trigger the fuse and walked on eggshells around it my entire life.
Much to explore.

 

[Diana-M]

grown up in a household where anger from one parent was so completely traumatic and there was no logic to it. I was always trying to figure out what it was that would trigger the fuse and walked on eggshells around it my entire life.

Me too! Both parents. Horrible.

 

[Booble]

Thanks so much. Yes, that makes so much sense. So much to unpack with this particularly emotion especially having grown up in a household where anger from one parent was so completely traumatic and there was no logic to it. I was always trying to figure out what it was that would trigger the fuse and walked on eggshells around it my entire life.
Much to explore.

It's probably safe to say that if you had to walk on eggshells around someone for a significant period of time then it's likely you have anger toward that person.
Even if it's a person you love.

 

[NewBeginning]

It's probably safe to say that if you had to walk on eggshells around someone for a significant period of time then it's likely you have anger toward that person.
Even if it's a person you love.

Thanks, @Booble! Yeah - it makes sense that would seem to be the case....My rational mind keeps coming back to the fact that they were/are only doing/dealing with things the way they knew how (generational trauma they received and were never given the love and tools either). I think they regret it and even in those days years ago would often apologize, but he never learned a different way to be - like an animal that bites you, not because they want to hurt you, but because it is their instinct. Hmmm, certainly there is a lot in there to this now that I see it typed out. Maybe for me it is about holding the idea that it isn't about blame, but just to feel the anger... eg. not necessarily blaming the "biting dog who was scared," but still being angry about the behavior. So many thoughts....
Grateful to this community for bringing up these things - it's certainly helping me to explore areas I wasn't accessing previously.

 

[feduccini]

But what if all relationships are going smooth, we have a stress-free job, yet we are still getting symptoms?

Symptoms also occur when things are fine. Your nervous system feels safe enough to let out repressed ancient feelings, and for a TMSer it happens somatically as well. This is one of the reasons why symptoms are a terrible metric to use.
A lot of success stories have the person reporting symptoms were really bad right before healing came, but the mind was calmer. Jim Prussack talks a lot about the "darker before dawn" effect.

I know it's frustrating, but it is what it is, and you gain power over it when you stop analysing why the symptom is happening when it "shouldn't".

 

[Booble]

Thanks, @Booble! Yeah - it makes sense that would seem to be the case....My rational mind keeps coming back to the fact that they were/are only doing/dealing with things the way they knew how (generational trauma they received and were never given the love and tools either). I think they regret it and even in those days years ago would often apologize, but he never learned a different way to be - like an animal that bites you, not because they want to hurt you, but because it is their instinct. Hmmm, certainly there is a lot in there to this now that I see it typed out. Maybe for me it is about holding the idea that it isn't about blame, but just to feel the anger... eg. not necessarily blaming the "biting dog who was scared," but still being angry about the behavior. So many thoughts....
Grateful to this community for bringing up these things - it's certainly helping me to explore areas I wasn't accessing previously.

There is a time and a place for the rational mind to understand that it wasn't his fault and he was doing the best he could. There is also a time and a place to say, "Fuck you, you fucking hurt me. Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you."

Surprisingly, we have the capacity to do both of those things. And need to do both things.
One without the other doesn't seem to get us to where we need to be.

 

[Diana-M]

Maybe for me it is about holding the idea that it isn't about blame, but just to feel the anger... eg. not necessarily blaming the "biting dog who was scared," but still being angry about the behavior

I think the rational adult side of you can see what caused it. But the rational adult side of you is not the one having TMS. The inner five-year-old is having TMS. So what you have to try to get in touch with is how you felt when you were five and it was happening. (Not easy, I know!)

 

[NewBeginning]

There is a time and a place for the rational mind to understand that it wasn't his fault and he was doing the best he could. There is also a time and a place to say, "Fuck you, you fucking hurt me. Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you."

For some reason when I even "think" about saying that even in my mind, I want to start crying... That 5 year old in there has A LOT of sadness

 

[NewBeginning]

I think the rational adult side of you can see what caused it. But the rational adult side of you is not the one having TMS. The inner five-year-old is having TMS. So what you have to try to get in touch with is how you felt when you were five and it was happening. (Not easy, I know!)

Seems as though I feel the same in many ways as I did at five, so much sadness in there....

 

[Diana-M]

Seems as though I feel the same in many ways as I did at five, so much sadness in there....

Hugs! I have a very sad 5 year old, too. I think sadness was the only feeling that was safe enough for us to have.

 

[Diana-M]

Symptoms also occur when things are fine. Your nervous system feels safe enough to let out repressed ancient feelings, and for a TMSer it happens somatically as well. This is one of the reasons why symptoms are a terrible metric to use.
A lot of success stories have the person reporting symptoms were really bad right before healing came, but the mind was calmer. Jim Prussack talks a lot about the "darker before dawn" effect.

I know it's frustrating, but it is what it is, and you gain power over it when you stop analysing why the symptom is happening when it "shouldn't".

I really like this! I haven’t really thought of it this way. Makes sense. And it’s a more hopeful way to look at it. Plus a more realistic way.

 

[Booble]

For some reason when I even "think" about saying that even in my mind, I want to start crying... That 5 year old in there has A LOT of sadness

Sounds like lots and lots of emotions there. Sadness is one thing but the rage is hiding behind it.
I think you need to get some pen and paper and let little you scream and shout and wail and sob (in words on paper) and then let teenage you do the same.

My writing session when I say "fuck you fuck you fuck you" usually end up positive and upbeat by the end.
For example if I'm raging about my mother not loving me enough or having said something mean to me by the end I'm writing about how she does love me.
Note: I write in present tense even though it was all decades ago and my mum is gone.

I don't know how the SEP works and I don't want to rush you if that part is coming but paper and pen are easy to find and you can rip it up after if you want.