Day 16 TMS and my husband

[Jojo61]

My husband has TMS (just like me). I'm convinced of it. He's an extreme perfectionist btw. I was always dumbfounded how he would get the same health problems I was having only a few weeks or months later. I'm not talking about a cold but about for example neck pain. Now I understand...

Unfortunately he isn't to keen on hearing about TMS. He had a rough childhood and is actively repressing feelings and thoughts about that because he can't handle them. He has tried therapy multiple times but he would get really depressed and out of this world.. (sometimes I wouldn't be able to truly reach him for days after a therapysession). EMDR especially had this effect on him. He just shut down completely and couldn't find a way out.

He's quite skeptical about TMS. I bought him a dutch translation of Healing Backpain. That's the only TMS book I can find in our language. Unfortunately he doesn't speak english well enough to be able to read and benefit from english TMS books or this site.

I would so love for him to work the program with me, but he's afraid it will open up a can of worms again. Even me doing the program and talking to him about it has caused him to start having horrible nightmares about his childhood again. So I don't talk to him about it anymore (at least about the childhood stuff), I do keep telling him how TMS works. I hope one day it will click for him like I feel it's starting to click for me...

 

[Zumbafan]

I met a Dutch lady in April and she has written a book about her healing journey through TMS with Dr Sarno's work. It is Toen ik zweeg, by Nicky Robinson. She is translating it into English. I don't know how you would find it in your country, but you now know it exists.

 

[Jojo61]

Thanks Zumbafan, I'll check that out!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Jojo. It sure looks to me like your husband has TMS, from both his perfectionist personality and how angry and depressed he gets when thinking about his boyhood. His rejection of believing in TMS is part of the pain his subconscious is sending to him, like the neck pain. It wants him to think about his repressed emotions. But since he doesn't want to do that and gets upset when you suggest it, maybe just let it be for a while and concentrate on your own TMS healing, as you are doing in the SEP. When you become your own TMS success story, it could convince him to try it.

Meanwhile, maybe just suggest to him that he practice deep breathing. Maybe don't even tell him it's a TMS relaxation technique. Every web site and book I read about relaxation says deep breathing is essential because it is profoundly relaxing to the body and mind.

Deep Breathing Elevates Moods
Deep breathing increases pleasure-inducing neurochemicals in the brain to elevate moods and combat physical pain

How to do Deep Breathing properly?

In order to breathe deeply properly you need to breathe deeply into your abdomen, not just your chest. Even in the old Greek and Roman times doctors recommended deep breathing, the voluntary holding of air in the lungs, believing that this exercise cleansed the system of impurities and gave strength. Breathing exercises should be deep, slow, rhythmic, and through the nose, not through the mouth. The most important parts of deep breathing have to be regulating your breaths three to four seconds in, and three to four seconds out.


1. Inhale through your nose, expanding your belly like it is a balloon and fill it, then fill your chest. Counting to 5
2. Hold and Count to 3. Feel all your cells filled with golden, healing, balancing Sunlight energy.
3. Exhale fully and slowly through the mouth and feel all your cells releasing waste and emptying all old energy and worrisome thoughts or pain. Counting to 5.

Schedule your deep breathing exercise just as you would schedule important business appointments. Set aside a minimum of two 10 minute segments of time everyday although you can begin with two five minutes segments if you prefer. Deep breathing is often recommended as a major aid in falling asleep, especially paired with a positive, calming mantra or counting backwards from 100 to 1.

 

[Jojo61]

Thanks Walt, I sure will keep working on my own TMS healing. I'm actually enjoying getting to know myself better.

The deep breathing is very calming. I do have to keep practicing that tough because I get dizzy trying it. So I guess I'm trying a bit too hard . I read about it in another one of your posts a while ago and have used it to fall asleep quicker. It really works so thanks for mentioning it!

Have a great weekend!