TMJ Out of Control

You could say I've had "TMJ" since adolescence. I started grinding my teeth at a young age, had retainers (that frequently disappeared), and it's never really gotten better. I just sort of got used to my jaw separating & clicking whenever I open my mouth past a certain point. Over the years it's gotten better & worse, but that point of separation has never changed. I have a ton of unaffordable dental work I need now, and every procedure is a misery. I gave up eating anything that requires a lot of chewing; just not worth it.

I know I'm clenching my jaw, I know it is TMS, because there's simply nothing else it can be, but it has gotten really bad. My jaw hasn't ever hurt this badly. I'd say the amount of stress in my life right now is tremendous, and it's the kind that TMS loves. It's not your average "current" type of stress about money, career, relationships, or health ... it's more along the lines of what a failure I am because I have none of those things, and no confidence I ever will. It's a nearly constant, conscious inner monologue that is one part motivator and 9 parts punishment.

Unfortunately even with that "acceptance", and a long history of dealing with and understanding TMS, its just really worse than its ever been. I've even been in PT for it, which provides some moderate relief of symptoms, but it's flaring up now like it never has. It's never invaded my conscious mind like this before, where the whole distraction mechanism is really working well. How can I think about all of that deep, dark sh*t if my jaw is killing me, preventing me from gaining weight (which I desperately need to do). If it's that, or the shingles that hasn't healed after 2 months, the bowel obstructions & Hail Mary attempt at avoiding major surgery, the general body/muscle pain that comes with inactivity, and on and on and on. So yeah, I'm ripe for a TMS flareup right now. Hell, if I didn't have one now, I really wouldn't believe it exists.

The question now becomes how can I:
* consciously relax my jaw, even when I'm unconscious.
* do my PT exercises daily
* use what I've learned over decades from Dr. Sarno to banish it without exacerbating some other issue

I'm just doing what I usually do here ...aimless whining with the hope that putting it down on "paper" might help to get it out of my head a little.

Thanks for reading.

 

Eightball! I feel you. So sorry your misery is flaring. You are aware that inner punishment is a huge cause of rage, right? Your TMS brain sees criticism from others and especially from yourself, as a threat. It causes a huge amount of stress. I can recommend a life-changing book that has helped me with this very thing. It’s called Feeling Good, by David Burns. It has really brought me relief from mentally abusing myself. I can’t say enough good things about this book.

Another random thought about your jaw—- I do this thing where I jut my jaw out sometimes. I realized it’s when I actually want to push someone away (like with my jaw) who is bothering me. Maybe your jaw can tell you what it’s mad about? Sounds crazy. But maybe ask it. No pun intended —but it seems like it wants to say something.

 

Not to be a Bummer, but wouldn't that fall under Sarno's "You need to stop all physical treatment" ? It jumped out at me as I read the post. I have had TMJ as a symptom...when I was trapped watching my 88 yr old mom AND having terrible personal relationship issues.
It sucks..But I knew it was TMS because I had been warned via Sarno's Books and this forum. I never sought any medical help..I just kept reading and doing the work uncovering rage makers. TMJ and other 'phantom tooth issues' are all regulated by the trigeminal Nerve..and Sarno himself had this pain.

You can aimlessly whine to us and we will sympathize, cuz it sucks, but that's not dealing with repressed anger.
My Non existent relationship with Mom.
My Alcoholic Hypergamous GF.
My Sons' poor mate choices.
My less than challenging job.
The Dog I love but got stuck with....

Those are more likely to be of help to you....and anything else in the room..Immediate family, partners...whoever you think you get along with fine? Make sure they are on the list

 

Funny you mention that book. It's been collecting dust in a drawer for several years now. I am struggling so much to read anything. I just can't seem to focus. All I do is fuel that rage with self-punishment, and the more time that goes by, the more I punish myself for being so far away from what I want from life and how increasingly insurmountable these hurdles have become. The TMJ has been going on since adolescence, and my dental health has become a total disaster...financially too. It is nearly impossible to treat medically, and just goes from tolerable to terrible when the tension is at its worst. Every muscle in my body stays tight...even my pelvic floor now. I am well aware of the modalities that improve this - the diaphragmatic breathing, the reading, the journaling, the exercise, etc. And guess what I do? NONE of it. Night after night, every self destructive habit continues, and I am stuck in the "I'll start tomorrow" loop. I just don't understand my own mind & why I just keep allowing this to go on. Well, not all of it is within my control, but I'll never break out of the depression until I'm doing everything I possibly can to improve the things I can control. I feel like a Nobel prize-winning mathematician who forgot how to add. I've been down this rabbit hole so many times before I should know how to climb out by now. It's all of the things at once -

• Career imploded - like it's over, and I have to reinvent myself professionally at 50 - so finances are a wreck
• Haven't tried to date in a decade & gave up
• Healthcare has become my full-time job (and have to contend with constant judgement by friends & family who don't understand how someone so smart & hard working (and who "looks" healthy) can be unemployed for so long
• Too weak to engage in any of the things I loved to do
• Lost way too many friends to death, distance, and unknown reasons, & moving closer to my family seems impossible & like I'm determined to wait until they are gone before I decide to do it

And on and on...but mostly what keeps me here is just anger at myself for allowing it. That is the root of everything, oh yeah, and the constant regret - the filmstrip of every missed opportunity. Sigh. I can write about it & talk about it until I'm blue in the face, but I can't get my ass in gear because it just gets overwhelming, and I can't focus on any one direction.