Through Journalling I found that I'm so wired to excel in my life which is holding me back .

How do You make peace with the fact ? I want to push myself but I feel like my body's not cooperating with me .

 

You have identified a very common TMS pattern: the same wiring that helped you excel is now over-activating your nervous system and keeping symptoms and fear loops going. In mind/body terms, your task is not to kill the drive, but to soften the compulsion and re-train your brain that you are safe even when not excelling.

Reframe your discovery

• Name the pattern clearly in your journal: “My drive to excel is a protection strategy, not who I truly am.” This separates your identity (“me”) from the wiring (“a habit my brain learned to feel safe”).
  
  
• Add appreciation: “This drive helped me survive and achieve; now it can step back a little.” Gratitude lowers inner conflict and reduces your brain’s need to defend the old pattern.

Shift from excel mode to enough mode

• Invite “good enough” experiments: pick one daily task (email, a chore, a walk) and do it deliberately at 70–80% effort, on purpose, then stop, even if your brain screams to do more.
  
  
• Afterward, journal: “Did anything bad actually happen when I didn’t excel?” This teaches your nervous system through experience that safety does not depend on overperformance.

Change the goal of recovery

• Instead of “I must excel at healing,” use intentions like “Today I practice being safe with imperfection,” or “Recovery is about allowing, not achieving.”
  
  
• When your mind starts optimising recovery (“doing it perfectly, doing it fast”), gently label it: “Ah, excel-mode is here,” and return to simple safety cues (breath, grounding, self-soothing touch).

Use journaling as a co-regulator

• Let journaling shift from problem-solving to witnessing: a few minutes a day listing “Where did excel-mode run me today?” and “Where did I allow ‘just being’?”
  
  
• Include body check-ins in writing: “When I push to excel, my body feels…; when I back off 10%, my body feels…,” to link perfectionism directly to your nervous system states.

Add daily nervous-system safety reps

• Pair this cognitive work with simple safety practices you'll probably already know: slow exhale-focused breathing, comforting touch (hand on chest, thumb–forefinger rub), gentle movement done for pleasure not performance.
  
  
• Frame each as a message: “I am safe even when not achieving right now,” so your body learns a new association between “non-excelling” and calm rather than danger.