The symptom imperative & the need for certainty (hip, knee, back and shoulder pain)

My name is K, and here is my story.

I have always had OCD/anxiety and I have had lower back pain since I was 12 years old. It started on September 11, 2001, right around the time that we received news in my 7th grade English class that a plane had hit the pentagon. I sneezed, and a searing pain shot down my back. I was barely able to walk, had to go to a chiropractor, walked with a cane for a while, and used the elevator in our school to go from floor to floor instead of the stairs. My father worked across the street from the trade center, though I was too young to understand the gravity of the situation (consciously, at least), and I wasn't consciously afraid that he could have been hurt. My mom called the school to tell me that my dad was ok, that he had contacted her and he was trying to leave the city. Before she told me that, it hadn't even occured to me that my dad could've been hurt. After all, he didnt work IN the trade center, just down the street. He was fine and came home around 2 am that night covered in dust. To this day, I get extremely emotional over 9/11, I find it very, very difficult to watch any new coverage of it, and if I do watch it, I cry and experience a great deal of anxiety. So, I just avoid it generally.

Ever since then, it's switched from OCD...to back pain....to eczema...to vulvodynia....to this, to that, and back again. You name it, I've had it.

I discovered the great Dr. Sarno when my boss gave me the book, then I found Mr. Ozanich's wonderful book, and I felt like it completely changed my life, and the way I see the world. The world is a completely different place since discovering these books, truly.

The back pain & the OCD have been the most prevailing though. It seems I've never been without them. When I read the books, it seemed like my pain really faded... but it would always flare up during stress, and since discovering the books three years ago, I never have been able to shake any of it.

Most recently I've been practicing mindfullness meditation as well as yoga, and whatdya know... cue HIP PAIN AND KNEE PAIN! I've never, ever had these symptoms before and I've always accepted Sarno's TMS theory, I tell everyone I meet, and all of a sudden... I find myself scared... and questioning it all. Even though I know it must be true, I can't truly believe in it, and I'm afraid. Afraid the pain will never go away, because it never has. Afraid I will get more and more symptoms and not be able to handle it. Afraid I will have to stop doing the things that I love and need to feel and be whole, like yoga. Even as I write this, I have tears in my eyes. I need encouragement. No one in my life except for one or two people truly accepts TMS as a diagnosis so all I hear from people is that it's all rubbish and to go to a doctor or to stop "overextending my joints", etc.

Thanks for reading and listening, and I can't wait to be a part of this community

 

My son who is about 2 years younger than you Also had a HUGE TMS attack (Neck and shoulders) right after 9/11. My wife wanted to take him to a chiro, but knowing what it was I FIRMLY intervened and we had some long emotional talks and the pain went away. He also had OCD (inherited it from ME) and as he has grown up I have taught him everything I know to fend off both OCD and TMS and he has been very successful at it. I use the same strategy for OCD that we use to banish the pain.

Only my close family and friends really believe in TMS. The world at large would rather it not be true as Sarno explains clearly. None the less, My sons, my friends, my partner and I are all full contact Warriors , dancers and Construction workers and Musicians and Fun-havers. The rest of the world is the have-nots.
I am not only Grateful to Sarno, but also to G-d for having led me to a way of freedom that has improved my life better than I ever could have imagined it. TMS has made me make all kinds of expeditions to the inside which have resulted in a much more satisfying life.

welcome

 

I'm really grateful to read this, because it wasn't until super recently that I even put two and two together about 9/11. It was truly a collective hurt that our nation suffered, in more ways than we realized.