The power of suggestion (Nocebo)

I have had quite the experience in the last 24 hours which has sent me through a loop, the biggest I've had in a while.

Overall, I have had the best month by far in sooooo long. Despite some freak outs (yeah yeah I know my popping and cracking thread), I have been pressing on. My symptoms have been the best they have been and have improved week after week. Last Friday I ran a 10k for the first time in 18 months. I cancelled my Botox appointment I was supposed to have today which feels terrifying but I am trying to think psychological and minimize physical interventions.

I have been told I talk too much about my symptoms (classic TMSer) so I am going to keep it to a minimum, but think it's necessary to explain some of the story, so be warned.

Yesterday I was in my Dystonia education class/support group I've been doing since last December. (Yeah yeah why am I still in it? Definitely have thought about quitting and now definitely definitely thinking that, let's not going into it for now). I mentioned that I had made very good progress by walking outside barefoot on the sidewalk which had been scary for me for a long time (I didn't walk barefoot at all even around the house or the yard for years). Despite being physical exercise, it was actually something I started doing for my TMS, it helped me convince me my feet were strong and I was not going to hurt myself on a pebble or if I felt my toes or feet feel a certain way. It's been going so great! But after I shared this, someone in the class who has Runner's Dystonia and currently has a stress fracture (SF) told me that walking on hard surfaces causes SFs.

After a few seconds of like registering that Girlfriend had actually said that to me, I felt the rage and fear and panic all at the same time and you bet, my feet especially my "bad" one were immediately on fire and my left leg started spasming.

What evidence of TMS huh?

I couldn't even participate in the rest of the class. I wanted to unmute myself and scream at her WHY THE F DID YOU JUST SAY THAT, but of course she has no idea that the fear of a SF is my number one trigger. I wanted to click that Leave Meeting button but then I would go downstairs to my family as a nervous wreck and panic. So I just stayed. I emailed the instructor who is a neuro PT for his input and he assured me what walking on hard surfaces was totally fine and not more inherently like to cause injury versus any other activity.

Despite this assurance (usually my obsessions can be quelled by my compulsion of seeking medical assurance) woke up in the AM and my first thought was how angry I was at this person. How refreshing though to have a few moments I didn't just go into the full body scan. But you know that came and so did the pain. I could put aside okay I didn't get a SF by walking on hard surfaces, but now I am too terrified to do it again and just the whole fear of a SF with all the increased activity I have been doing came to the forefront again.

It was a run day for me and I was excited to do it and I was still gonna do it, but I got in my head during it and my symptoms were worse.

It all made sense, her "Power of Suggestion" and the fact I was going for a run instead of shooting up my leg with a paralyzing agent which I was supposed to get today and doubted if I made the right choice. Afterward the run I felt worse. Typical "you overdid it!" This work is hard man. I am trying to be consistent and minimize my freak outs and work on the doubt. I know there are a billion reasons why I should be feeling the way I am feeling today and it is more likely that this psychological stress of what she brought up would make symptoms worse versus me having hurt myself. I know, especially given my track record, it is way more likely that my brain creates the symptoms than actually have an injury. I've already been through this episode so many times, you think I'd be bored. And anyway, hell no I can't go back to an MD with this pain because guess what? I've already had a really similar one and already MRI'ed that area back in January... so again I'd be the boy who cried wolf.

Other people's comments really really bother me. It's been a lot of journal fodder. I fear feeling "stupid" or "ashamed" because I was too "greedy" for wanting to be able to run again and run frequently and decent distances. I have a fear that other people who warn me "it's not gonna last" or "enjoy your run, you don't know what tomorrow will bring" or "you are going to hurt yourself" or "your walking is like your running right now, you need to take a rest day" - all things that have been said to me -- will be right and I will be the silly stupid girl who was wrong to try and do what she wanted to do, and I should have listened. (I will add none of these have been from MDs, just other people). Then FULL SHAME and embarrassment will ensue. Other things that come up is I will let everyone down if I yet again am laid up on the couch and can't take care of myself or my family or my pets. My running has always been a source of guilt because I've felt selfish for taking the time for myself.

Any advice on how to deal with comments from others, especially ones who "suggest" things to you that trigger symptoms?

Anyhoo, for you dear readers, if you've made it this far... as I often do on days like this (in addition to reading and journaling), I will try and look for past threads on this forum dealing with my issue du jour.

2 good ones that are worth revisiting if you have experienced the Nocebo or Power of Suggestion by others.

https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/the-power-of-nocebo.12958/ (The power of nocebo)

https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/using-dr-sarno-and-dr-schubiners-techniques.14211/ (Using Dr. Sarno and Dr. Schubiner's techniques)

I always love examples and experiences by others if anyone would like to share.