... a lot of the day to day stuff I am 'OK' with is me lying to myself, I can 'PULL' those weeds.... In fact the weeds ARE from the past and are usually out of context with your NOW
What Forms and Social contracts have you signed up for that you really don't give a shit about? What really matters to you that you forsook so you could be there for someone else? To curate their reality instead of your own?
So much thank you for those words and those questions. It stopped my breath for a moment...
I denied a lot of myself during my life. This is because of my character, which I was born with. As a kid I was well-behaved girl, doing what my parents told me to do (they even now say that it was easy to bring me up).
At work I was always getting great feedback from my supervisors, as I was well-performing, organized, self-reliant etc. As a result I was confident at work, but also I was taking far too much on work my shoulders. In private life was similar, not to go into details.
Finally (around my fortieth birthday) I felt so much overwhelmed and simply tired that I said enough. I grew up!
I changed my work, I put more home-duties to my husband and kids etc.
And than the pain started! In the moment when I put everything into right order, into perfect shape - it seemed so...
... because I forgot what I love, what I want, what is important for me.... or I never asked myself those questions. And now I really do not know.