GhostlyMarie
Peer Supporter
I just need to talk about this because I am having a great day haha
If you take a look at my posting history... I have had some pretty intense battles with fear, obsessive thoughts and doubt. I am not proud of it but I think I have finally found my stride. Since my last post, I have been working on several things that were keeping me stuck such as checking for physical/structural issues constantly, fearing my symptoms, and not attending to myself and my emotions in the way that I should have been.
My story has always been pelvic pain and symptoms (vulvar burning, urethral burning, urinary urgency/frequency/pain, vulvar and rectal itching, electric shocks, pelvic floor tightness/dysfunction, and so on) and I was trying all of the techniques I had heard about to no avail. The SEP was helpful at first but I quickly realized it was not going to work for me as my perfectionism began to interfere and just kept getting in the way. If I missed a day of the program, I would feel like I failed and it really messed with me mentally so I simply stepped away from it. Journaling made me feel like I was digging up old, painful bones and then placing a band-aid over the reopened wounds after and so I stepped away from that as well. Somatic tracking helped with my headaches, random nerve pain in my limbs and vulvar burning but it made the itching worse. My method as of late has been to simply listen to Dr. Sarno audiobooks while I drive to and from work, watch Dan Buglio videos (his methodology is so chill and it makes me feel so safe), listening to Tanner Murtagh and Nichole Sacchs, I even emailed Dr. Schubiner and he told me he was absolutely certain that my condition is TMS (and if I am being honest, that was the day I lost my fear to the symptoms; Dr. Schubiner is such a kind man), and reading success stories here (I have read Ezer's and Dorado's stories repeatedly and will continue to because they have brought me so much comfort on some of my more challenging days). I have been working to add to my belief piggy bank. I stay away from reddit, support groups, googling any symptom and have been surrounding myself with TMS based podcasts, videos and reading scientific papers. And... at some point, I was having a weird symptom day and said "F-- it. Brain, do what you want. I don't care anymore".
And my brain has said "Oh yeah? You don't care anymore? Okay." If I didn't believe I had TMS before, I definitely believe it now. I stopped caring about my pelvic pain. It doesn't scare me at all anymore. Over the past three weeks, I have had little "warnings" happen such as my lower back will lightly ache (I have never had back pain in my life so this was funny to me because I have been listening to HBP all week), my knees will start to ache, I have had an increase in anxiety and wanting to binge eat (I am not though), my teeth will lightly hurt, and I keep getting dull neck pain. I didn't pay any mind to these and they have gone away. I KNOW my brain is trying to find something that will stick and I am not allowing it to happen. Yesterday, the symptom imperative/extinction burst began again and is manifesting as itching all down my back, forehead, neck, stomach. legs and chest. I don't have any signs of rash, no bumps of any kind, just itching that is moving around moment to moment. My response to this has been to laugh. In an odd way, I am so excited about this development because it confirms everything for me. The pelvic floor itching is what scared me the most over the course of the last year and once I stopped being afraid of it, my whole body is now itching. Of all the symptoms that could be generated, it's the one that I had previously feared the most and I find that so fascinating. I got my symptoms on the run. I am confident they are on their last stand.
I was prepared for this. Things can sometimes get worse before they get better. I knew that once I started reducing my fear, that a symptom imperative or extinction burst was likely. I'll just keep laughing and being in awe of how incredible my brain is for being able to create such interesting sensations. Oh, and meditate for safety and calmness. I would love to hear about some of your extinction burst experiences!
If you take a look at my posting history... I have had some pretty intense battles with fear, obsessive thoughts and doubt. I am not proud of it but I think I have finally found my stride. Since my last post, I have been working on several things that were keeping me stuck such as checking for physical/structural issues constantly, fearing my symptoms, and not attending to myself and my emotions in the way that I should have been.
My story has always been pelvic pain and symptoms (vulvar burning, urethral burning, urinary urgency/frequency/pain, vulvar and rectal itching, electric shocks, pelvic floor tightness/dysfunction, and so on) and I was trying all of the techniques I had heard about to no avail. The SEP was helpful at first but I quickly realized it was not going to work for me as my perfectionism began to interfere and just kept getting in the way. If I missed a day of the program, I would feel like I failed and it really messed with me mentally so I simply stepped away from it. Journaling made me feel like I was digging up old, painful bones and then placing a band-aid over the reopened wounds after and so I stepped away from that as well. Somatic tracking helped with my headaches, random nerve pain in my limbs and vulvar burning but it made the itching worse. My method as of late has been to simply listen to Dr. Sarno audiobooks while I drive to and from work, watch Dan Buglio videos (his methodology is so chill and it makes me feel so safe), listening to Tanner Murtagh and Nichole Sacchs, I even emailed Dr. Schubiner and he told me he was absolutely certain that my condition is TMS (and if I am being honest, that was the day I lost my fear to the symptoms; Dr. Schubiner is such a kind man), and reading success stories here (I have read Ezer's and Dorado's stories repeatedly and will continue to because they have brought me so much comfort on some of my more challenging days). I have been working to add to my belief piggy bank. I stay away from reddit, support groups, googling any symptom and have been surrounding myself with TMS based podcasts, videos and reading scientific papers. And... at some point, I was having a weird symptom day and said "F-- it. Brain, do what you want. I don't care anymore".
And my brain has said "Oh yeah? You don't care anymore? Okay." If I didn't believe I had TMS before, I definitely believe it now. I stopped caring about my pelvic pain. It doesn't scare me at all anymore. Over the past three weeks, I have had little "warnings" happen such as my lower back will lightly ache (I have never had back pain in my life so this was funny to me because I have been listening to HBP all week), my knees will start to ache, I have had an increase in anxiety and wanting to binge eat (I am not though), my teeth will lightly hurt, and I keep getting dull neck pain. I didn't pay any mind to these and they have gone away. I KNOW my brain is trying to find something that will stick and I am not allowing it to happen. Yesterday, the symptom imperative/extinction burst began again and is manifesting as itching all down my back, forehead, neck, stomach. legs and chest. I don't have any signs of rash, no bumps of any kind, just itching that is moving around moment to moment. My response to this has been to laugh. In an odd way, I am so excited about this development because it confirms everything for me. The pelvic floor itching is what scared me the most over the course of the last year and once I stopped being afraid of it, my whole body is now itching. Of all the symptoms that could be generated, it's the one that I had previously feared the most and I find that so fascinating. I got my symptoms on the run. I am confident they are on their last stand.
I was prepared for this. Things can sometimes get worse before they get better. I knew that once I started reducing my fear, that a symptom imperative or extinction burst was likely. I'll just keep laughing and being in awe of how incredible my brain is for being able to create such interesting sensations. Oh, and meditate for safety and calmness. I would love to hear about some of your extinction burst experiences!
