grateful_mama
Peer Supporter
Hello everyone -
I haven't yet posted about my progress (besides my day 1 post) so I thought it was time for an update. I'm on Day 10 although it's taken about 15 days. The first 6 days I was doing the program like the perfect perfectionist I am
and then on day 7 I just couldn't do it - I was exhausted, and busy - and day 8 was the same way. I have a new baby, and she takes all my extra time and energy. So I told myself it was ok, I'd just have to do it at my own pace, and tried to let myself be ok with taking a break. Then, at the end of day 8 when I read the day 7 program instructions - to take a break, and not be a perfectionist about the program - I had to laugh. Ok. Deep breaths. Good job to whoever put the program together. You know us TMSers well. Since then, I've given myself more grace to do what I can, and trust that it is exactly enough.
I enjoy journaling and meditating (have done both off and on for years), and had just fallen out of practice since late pregnancy/early motherhood. All of this is a good reminder to keep at it. With renewed focus. I've been managing - at the very least - to say affirmations every day, and keep myself focused on Dr. Sarno's message, and shifting focus to emotions whenever I feel pain.
As for the pain - I have wrist pain that has been persistent. And, admittedly, it's tempting to question whether it's truly TMS. Though, I do think that I have the capacity to overcome any pain with my mind, so it's irrelevant. Just that doubts creep in from time to time. And I'm not sure it's really gotten much better. It's gotten a bit worse, and then back down to the same. Sometimes I forget about it...but whenever I "remember" (i.e.: re-focus?) it hurts again. Just keeping at it. Likewise, my back pain occasionally creeps back in, as well as foot pain, but I seem to be much better at keeping them at bay. It's these wrists...carrying my daughter, picking her up, breastfeeding, etc, etc. They are getting a lot of use (RSI, tendonitis) and I keep slipping with the belief that they're TMS.
I have a tendency to write too much, so bear with me.
As for the day 10 content...the past few days I've been confronting difficult feelings I have for my sister and resentment stemming from my very religious upbringing. She's my sister! I love her! Yet she is 110% entrenched in the evangelical christian church I was raised in, that has likely contributed to a lot of my pain. It took me years and years to slowly find myself and "break free" from the "truth" I'd been fed my whole life. So much guilt, fear, uncertainty in finding myself beyond the church. So much anger and hypocrisy stemming from an unstable household (parents fought a lot, father had bouts of anger and a temper like a 4-year old) and then the dogmatic church we always attended, sometimes after one of these shouting matches. It's just so much...I can't go into it all. But I've known for years I have complicated feelings about it all (feeling so much judgment from them...is this why I'm so self-critical? Are they actually being judgmental or is it projection?)... so I'm just trying to work through which part is relevant to me RIGHT NOW. As a new mom, there's a whole host of things to consider, as well, and I think, ultimately, I fear screwing my daughter up so that in 30 years she'll have TMS, too. Also, I'm so angry that I have always been the one to graciously listen to the christian BS that my sister tells me, rather than telling her I don't want to hear about Jesus one more time. I'm worried about hurting HER...and meanwhile, I'm not able to fully be myself. I'm afraid she'll force her version of religion on my daughter. And we've been in contact so much more since her birth...because I'm so proud of my baby, and desperately want to share her with my family. Only...I DON'T want to share her.
It's so complicated. There's so much more, but you all don't want to hear my psycho ramblings. Anyway.
Thanks for listening. That's all for now. Thanks for the support. You guys are the best. I can do this!! Love.
I haven't yet posted about my progress (besides my day 1 post) so I thought it was time for an update. I'm on Day 10 although it's taken about 15 days. The first 6 days I was doing the program like the perfect perfectionist I am
and then on day 7 I just couldn't do it - I was exhausted, and busy - and day 8 was the same way. I have a new baby, and she takes all my extra time and energy. So I told myself it was ok, I'd just have to do it at my own pace, and tried to let myself be ok with taking a break. Then, at the end of day 8 when I read the day 7 program instructions - to take a break, and not be a perfectionist about the program - I had to laugh. Ok. Deep breaths. Good job to whoever put the program together. You know us TMSers well. Since then, I've given myself more grace to do what I can, and trust that it is exactly enough.I enjoy journaling and meditating (have done both off and on for years), and had just fallen out of practice since late pregnancy/early motherhood. All of this is a good reminder to keep at it. With renewed focus. I've been managing - at the very least - to say affirmations every day, and keep myself focused on Dr. Sarno's message, and shifting focus to emotions whenever I feel pain.
As for the pain - I have wrist pain that has been persistent. And, admittedly, it's tempting to question whether it's truly TMS. Though, I do think that I have the capacity to overcome any pain with my mind, so it's irrelevant. Just that doubts creep in from time to time. And I'm not sure it's really gotten much better. It's gotten a bit worse, and then back down to the same. Sometimes I forget about it...but whenever I "remember" (i.e.: re-focus?) it hurts again. Just keeping at it. Likewise, my back pain occasionally creeps back in, as well as foot pain, but I seem to be much better at keeping them at bay. It's these wrists...carrying my daughter, picking her up, breastfeeding, etc, etc. They are getting a lot of use (RSI, tendonitis) and I keep slipping with the belief that they're TMS.
I have a tendency to write too much, so bear with me.
As for the day 10 content...the past few days I've been confronting difficult feelings I have for my sister and resentment stemming from my very religious upbringing. She's my sister! I love her! Yet she is 110% entrenched in the evangelical christian church I was raised in, that has likely contributed to a lot of my pain. It took me years and years to slowly find myself and "break free" from the "truth" I'd been fed my whole life. So much guilt, fear, uncertainty in finding myself beyond the church. So much anger and hypocrisy stemming from an unstable household (parents fought a lot, father had bouts of anger and a temper like a 4-year old) and then the dogmatic church we always attended, sometimes after one of these shouting matches. It's just so much...I can't go into it all. But I've known for years I have complicated feelings about it all (feeling so much judgment from them...is this why I'm so self-critical? Are they actually being judgmental or is it projection?)... so I'm just trying to work through which part is relevant to me RIGHT NOW. As a new mom, there's a whole host of things to consider, as well, and I think, ultimately, I fear screwing my daughter up so that in 30 years she'll have TMS, too. Also, I'm so angry that I have always been the one to graciously listen to the christian BS that my sister tells me, rather than telling her I don't want to hear about Jesus one more time. I'm worried about hurting HER...and meanwhile, I'm not able to fully be myself. I'm afraid she'll force her version of religion on my daughter. And we've been in contact so much more since her birth...because I'm so proud of my baby, and desperately want to share her with my family. Only...I DON'T want to share her.
It's so complicated. There's so much more, but you all don't want to hear my psycho ramblings. Anyway.
Thanks for listening. That's all for now. Thanks for the support. You guys are the best. I can do this!! Love.
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