Day 10 Status Update

[Sudonym]

I've had a pretty symptom-free day today. I'm on pain meds that I can't just stop taking without going through withdrawal, but I could tell there wasn't any breakthrough pain, and I took my pills late because I didn't feel a strong need for them. So that's good, but not conclusive, because I usually do better during warm weather and there haven't been a lot of stressors to bother me this week.

There is one burning question, however, that I will have to deal with eventually with this program. I repress my emotions because they are very strong, and strong emotions have no acceptance in the workplace. I also repress them because my stress response is to cry. I don't yell at people or swear or call names; I turn it all inside and weep. And if anything is more inappropriate than rage in the workplace, it is tears. You can tell me that tears are a release of tension, that they are healthy, that they are not a sign of weakness, and you're preaching to the choir. But it doesn't make a particle of difference what I think of it. The fact is, that if you're always crying every time your boss criticizes you, you are sabotaging your career and that relationship, and all your self-acceptance doesn't matter, because HE's the one who can't take it.

So what do I do with these emotions that I'm supposed to be expressing? Since I've seen nothing about that in Sarno's book or on this forum, I've decided on my own strategy for the time being. While I'm at work, I'll repress like crazy, because that's what I have to do. But each night when I get home, I'll ask myself if there's anything I need to feel bad about, and give myself permission to express it then. That's all I can think of, but it's still an improvement over the past, because I usually repress in private as well, because I'm afraid I'll sink into depression.

So let's hear from all you experience folks out there - what do you do when you simply can't express your negative emotions in the moment?

 

[Ellen]

I use the same strategy that you've come up with. It is a fact of our culture that we need to repress our emotions in certain situations. I believe the problem that creates TMS is when we repress our emotions so that we aren't even aware of them. It's more about our own awareness than about expressing them to others. Though if one is in an intimate relationship I do believe it is important for the health of that relationship to feel that you can express your emotions openly. But we need to pick and choose the people and situations where that won't cause more problems than it solves.

 

[Ines]

I'm the same way you are. If I bottle up my emotions and am really stressed at work I cry REALLY easily. For the past couple of years I've tried to let it out in small doses. Now I know what bothers me and I try to stick up for myself the best I can and it took me a long time but I had to realize that I'm not being mean, I'm just doing my job. Actually, people don't want everything sugar coated. They just want the truth so don't feel bad if you have to make your point. Don't look at it as right or wrong. It's just information. If you let it out in small doses it won't bottle up and explode into tears.