Cyclist2020
Newcomer
Hi all,
Just wanted to say hello as I get further into the Structured Educational Program. Today is Day 8 for me. I'd say there have been lots of ups and downs. My intention is to update you all with my progress once or twice a week, in the hope that it may be useful for others. First I'll provide some short background on my situation, and then I'll talk a little about how my experience has been thus far.
Like many of you, I've been suffering from back pain for years. My first flare-up was in 2009. A few months of PT seemed to fix me, but in 2012 I had another incident. An MRI from that year shows a mildly herniated disc, scoliosis, some other issues. After PT, again, it seemed to resolve, and "back pain" wasn't really on my radar for the next five years. Around 2017/2018 I had consistent stiffness and some immobility, but minor pain, and I just chalked up my lack of flexibility and occasional aches as part of life in your 30s (I'm 37). I did, however, have a nasty flare-up of tingling and numbness in my hands, particularly in my right (typing) hand in 2016--just a few months before I quit my job to start my own business. It's also been with me, off and on, to various degrees of severity, since then.
In late 2018, a few months after my son was born, I had another back attack--and this one was way worse than the previous two. For the first few months I was completely inflexible and in pretty serious pain, but forcing myself to exercise and some PT helped stabilize things. For most of the year I've been functional, in that I can carry out tasks around the house, attend to my son, etc. without too much pain. And this summer I went on a nine-hour car trip that wasn't too bad. But my hobbies have been sharply curtailed; I used to ride my bike for 20 miles up and down our local mountains, and go on long hikes, but they have been all but eliminated. Between my aching back, hand issues, and weird aches and pains (like numbness on the underside of my foot), this has been a difficult year and a half. Having my new son around has brightened things up a lot--but has also produced some difficult and conflicted feelings, I admit. When I believed that my issues were structural, it was impossible not to associate the physical tasks required to raise a baby/toddler as contributing to my lack of recovery (not that it wouldn't be worth it. It absolutely is.). This was a hard pill to swallow.
As recently as last fall I had certain days with very little or no pain, but I still felt like I wasn't fully back (no pun intended), and I still couldn't cycle for long without pain, so I pledged to work to get rid of my pain for good. I read Healing Back Pain last Sunday, and I decided to start the Structured Educational Program the next day (last Monday).
Like I said, there have been ups and downs. At the beginning, after seeing myself--goodist, perfectionist, nonconfrontational, compulsive, impulsive--on almost all the pages of the book, I felt elated, happy to learn that relief is within sight. This past week has been something of a rollercoaster of emotions, and at one point I felt myself nearly having a panic attack. It was strange to feel this out of control--like a blast from the past. I had anxiety back in my mid-20s, and was able to overcome it, so I relied on my old strategies to do this time. The experience didn't freak me out; I took it as a sign that the process is working its strange magic. (On a side note, I'm struck by how similar the process of dealing with anxiety seems to be to the process of dealing with TMS. Basically, I realized I was terrified of having panic attacks. When I decided to not be afraid of them anymore, and resolved that I would simply deal with them if they happened, even if I made a fool out of myself, their threat began to dissipate.)
But physically, things seem to have gone way downhill since starting the program. Quite honestly, as recently as a month ago I was driving with only minor pain, and exercising with almost no pain. (And a few months ago I went on that nine-hour car trip.) Now even ten minutes in the car is excruciating, and I can really only walk as far as exercise goes. I keep reminding myself this is part of the process, part of the "symptom extinction." I wonder if part of my worry--and I bet others feel the same way--stems from all of the reviews on Healing Back Pain and The Mindbody Prescription that claim the books healed them after simply reading the book, or within a week. Perhaps many of us had the expectation (hope?) of the same. As others know, it's tough to keep the faith when you feel so crummy. But keep the faith I will. I have committed myself to completing the full six-week program. And, for what its worth, my hand/wrist pain seems to have largely dissipated, so I'd like to think that's a good sign.
So wish me luck. I'll try my best to post semi-frequent updates over the rest of my six-week journey.
One final thing: I've found that spending too much time reading about TMS and browsing through these forums can be unproductive for me, since it shifts my (by default obsessive) focus to the pain and dealing with it, as opposed to getting on with my life. So I probably won't post too often.
Yours in healing and patience,
Cyclist
Just wanted to say hello as I get further into the Structured Educational Program. Today is Day 8 for me. I'd say there have been lots of ups and downs. My intention is to update you all with my progress once or twice a week, in the hope that it may be useful for others. First I'll provide some short background on my situation, and then I'll talk a little about how my experience has been thus far.
Like many of you, I've been suffering from back pain for years. My first flare-up was in 2009. A few months of PT seemed to fix me, but in 2012 I had another incident. An MRI from that year shows a mildly herniated disc, scoliosis, some other issues. After PT, again, it seemed to resolve, and "back pain" wasn't really on my radar for the next five years. Around 2017/2018 I had consistent stiffness and some immobility, but minor pain, and I just chalked up my lack of flexibility and occasional aches as part of life in your 30s (I'm 37). I did, however, have a nasty flare-up of tingling and numbness in my hands, particularly in my right (typing) hand in 2016--just a few months before I quit my job to start my own business. It's also been with me, off and on, to various degrees of severity, since then.
In late 2018, a few months after my son was born, I had another back attack--and this one was way worse than the previous two. For the first few months I was completely inflexible and in pretty serious pain, but forcing myself to exercise and some PT helped stabilize things. For most of the year I've been functional, in that I can carry out tasks around the house, attend to my son, etc. without too much pain. And this summer I went on a nine-hour car trip that wasn't too bad. But my hobbies have been sharply curtailed; I used to ride my bike for 20 miles up and down our local mountains, and go on long hikes, but they have been all but eliminated. Between my aching back, hand issues, and weird aches and pains (like numbness on the underside of my foot), this has been a difficult year and a half. Having my new son around has brightened things up a lot--but has also produced some difficult and conflicted feelings, I admit. When I believed that my issues were structural, it was impossible not to associate the physical tasks required to raise a baby/toddler as contributing to my lack of recovery (not that it wouldn't be worth it. It absolutely is.). This was a hard pill to swallow.
As recently as last fall I had certain days with very little or no pain, but I still felt like I wasn't fully back (no pun intended), and I still couldn't cycle for long without pain, so I pledged to work to get rid of my pain for good. I read Healing Back Pain last Sunday, and I decided to start the Structured Educational Program the next day (last Monday).
Like I said, there have been ups and downs. At the beginning, after seeing myself--goodist, perfectionist, nonconfrontational, compulsive, impulsive--on almost all the pages of the book, I felt elated, happy to learn that relief is within sight. This past week has been something of a rollercoaster of emotions, and at one point I felt myself nearly having a panic attack. It was strange to feel this out of control--like a blast from the past. I had anxiety back in my mid-20s, and was able to overcome it, so I relied on my old strategies to do this time. The experience didn't freak me out; I took it as a sign that the process is working its strange magic. (On a side note, I'm struck by how similar the process of dealing with anxiety seems to be to the process of dealing with TMS. Basically, I realized I was terrified of having panic attacks. When I decided to not be afraid of them anymore, and resolved that I would simply deal with them if they happened, even if I made a fool out of myself, their threat began to dissipate.)
But physically, things seem to have gone way downhill since starting the program. Quite honestly, as recently as a month ago I was driving with only minor pain, and exercising with almost no pain. (And a few months ago I went on that nine-hour car trip.) Now even ten minutes in the car is excruciating, and I can really only walk as far as exercise goes. I keep reminding myself this is part of the process, part of the "symptom extinction." I wonder if part of my worry--and I bet others feel the same way--stems from all of the reviews on Healing Back Pain and The Mindbody Prescription that claim the books healed them after simply reading the book, or within a week. Perhaps many of us had the expectation (hope?) of the same. As others know, it's tough to keep the faith when you feel so crummy. But keep the faith I will. I have committed myself to completing the full six-week program. And, for what its worth, my hand/wrist pain seems to have largely dissipated, so I'd like to think that's a good sign.
So wish me luck. I'll try my best to post semi-frequent updates over the rest of my six-week journey.
One final thing: I've found that spending too much time reading about TMS and browsing through these forums can be unproductive for me, since it shifts my (by default obsessive) focus to the pain and dealing with it, as opposed to getting on with my life. So I probably won't post too often.
Yours in healing and patience,
Cyclist
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