So disappointed

[North Star]

We were going to be driving out of town a few hours to look at a vehicle...it looked like the perfect fit for our family and the price was right. We were going with cash. But we couldn't do it until this afternoon.

The seller calls late last night. Someone else is coming first thing in the morning with cash to buy it. Being two hours away, we just can't over there fast enough. The seller gave a mealy-mouth apology.

I am so disappointed over this...the fellow knew were were serious; we talked a few times.

What makes this harder is realizing the old self-pity/victim tape is playing again, "Nice guys finish last...you need to be aggressive...things never work out for us....blah, blah, blah." This sure didn't help my on-going toe to toe confrontation with my TMS insomnia. (I've been weaning myself off sleep aids that I have used for the past 20 years.)

A friend helpfully (NOT) said, "something better is out there." Not very helpful especially because where we live, a very rural area, decent vehicles at a good price are few and far between. (Unless you drive a few hours!)

And when that happens, someone will swoop in, buy it and then jack up the price for resale.

Then there's an issue with a sibling. And then I got ticked over that too - I am the sort of person who will apologize when someone steps on my foot.

Thanks for listening. I've already done my journaling (day 33!), and am going to work up a good sweat with some happy music this morning to kick off my day. But dang...I am still so disappointed.

 

[North Star]

Just a PS. My mind is much better now. It's amazing how something like this can flip the switch for the emotional downward slide. I did what I said I was going to do...worked up a good sweat to some of my favorite Zach Brown songs. And phooey on the van. There WILL be something better out there.

 

[hecate105]

I've just been reading Candace Pert's 'Molecules of Emotion' and she finds (scientifically - in a lab) that the chemicals in our body systems that 'carry' emotion - actually do attract each other. Therefore if we are upbeat and happy - more positive stuff and happier outcomes. Down and depressed attracts more of the same. It sounds crazy - but it's true! So you are right to 'flip the switch' to something positive - more positives will follow. I hope you find a good vehicle. I too live in a rural area (even tho the UK is tiny by your standards!) and you do have to travel miles to get vehicles - which, like you say, people in the central areas can just grab ahead of you. Oh well, they get to live in polluted, congested places that are nowhere near as nice as here...!

 

[North Star]

Jo, Thanks so much for chiming in. That book is also on my "to read list". As a matter of fact, I've found myself in several conversations on this topic just the past few days. I think what I was more aware of than anything this time around was how "the old record" began playing its depressing tune and I could just feel my mind go down that same ole cowpath. This was MUCH more than about a stupid vehicle. That became clear to me.

Here's the amazing thing too. After shaking myself out of that funk, I went to meet a young friend for coffee; she is in need of some encouragement. So I went to do just that. When I got up to get a refill, a total stranger turned to me and said, "I love your smile. You are just radiant. Why are you so happy?" If she had seen me first thing this morning with that thundercloud over my head.... We DO have the power to change!

BTW- I've been to your lovely country. Would love to return when day. I spent nearly a month in England and Scotland many years ago. Fond memories.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

MontanaMom
That was such a cool journal entry- you did it exactly how I use to.
then you came back feeling better cause you got it off your chest.
or looked at things in a different way, acceptance or reframing.
Sounds like you got things looking up, I hope others get a good glimpse of your post.

You had something that had to be said, and you said it-
no holding back , This is how we journal.

It can be about big things or small things and all in between-
the goal is to get that van or truck your wanting, the option of the other van is done and over
You accepted that and moved on in the same post, now that's therapy.

Thanks for your encouragement on how we can change by just letting go
and expressing what we got boiling, its usually helped me cool down.
I think we used to call that venting. Although I see a difference in venting though,
its like we have to vent more later and then more later again-
cause we never really get the issue accepted or reframed, you did a perfect job of accepting and letting go
of course after you reframed or looked at the situation in a better light.

Bless you.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

I've just been reading Candace Pert's 'Molecules of Emotion' and she finds (scientifically - in a lab) that the chemicals in our body systems that 'carry' emotion - actually do attract each other. Therefore if we are upbeat and happy - more positive stuff and happier outcomes. Down and depressed attracts more of the same. It sounds crazy - but it's true! So you are right to 'flip the switch' to something positive - more positives will follow. I hope you find a good vehicle. I too live in a rural area (even tho the UK is tiny by your standards!) and you do have to travel miles to get vehicles - which, like you say, people in the central areas can just grab ahead of you. Oh well, they get to live in polluted, congested places that are nowhere near as nice as here...!

I love this reply hectate105 thanks for reminding us of Candace Perts awesome work.

 

[North Star]

Herbie, you are SO encouraging! Thank you! And yeah, I don't want to just vent...but I also know the good little responsible girl in me rarely "vented" so I'm learning to understand the difference between speaking what's going on versus letting things simmer inside and...oh my! what's this new symptom.

We are back to the vehicle search. But today, after hearing of a dear friend's new battle with cancer....the car issue has been whittled done to an appropriate size. One doesn't need to look far to realize we fret over too many inconsequential things.