Day 8 Slow going

[cokeefe88]

I started this about a month ago, and have only found time to do another "day" of the program about every 3 or 4 calendar days. I hope that's not setting me back. Part of the reason for that, I suppose, is that my pain is manageable now so I don't have a great sense of urgency. I hope I'm not significantly hampering my efforts by skipping days.

I realized during one of the recent journaling exercises that I was really, really mad at a handful of bullies from my elementary through high school years. I swore at them (on paper and in my head), and at their parents for raising them poorly, and at the school system that helped give them power over me. I got it all out, and then forgave them and moved on—because why should I let them still have power over me, 10-20 years later?

During the past month, I've regressed to falling asleep with an ice pack and/or knee support on some nights. I hadn't used an ice pack in about 4 months. On the other hand, I did a brake job on my car over the past couple days—new rotors and pads at all four corners—which involved sitting, stooped down, back tense, for hours. In the past, I would've expected a great deal of pain and stiffness from doing that, but amazingly, I felt almost no stiffness.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Great new from you. cokeefe. You won't set yourself back by taking some days off in the SEP.
It looks like you have learned about people bullying you back when you were younger and even have forgiven them.
Forgiving is a big part of healing. Sometimes we can forgive but not quite forget. The important thing is the forgiving.

The work you did on your car involved use of muscles you hadn't used in some time, so it's natural to feel some pain,
but you didn't feel much. That's another good sign that TMS is helping you to heal.

Spend as much time now as you can on thinking and doing things that make you happy. And laugh as often as you can.