Thank you all for the considerate responses! What an awesome community we have
I should write up a longer thread perhaps detailing my journey with tms, but I'll give a brief description here so you guys can help me.
I first started getting tms after graduating college. I have the typical tms personality type - extremely driven, motivated, perfectionist, etc. I believe my tms was caused by unacceptable emotions and internal rage of living a mundane, unfulfilling life - tedious job I hated, always stressed about money, having no time to pursue my personal goals, passions, hobbies. Sitting in an office, 40 hours a week, doing a monotonous job I hate that doesn't even pay well is completely unacceptable to me (sub conscious rage). This led to absolutely CRIPPLING back pain, although at the time I was convinced it was a physical issue with my back.
After a year of complete hell, I finally discovered sarnos book "healing back pain" and it changed my life.. I also worked with a therapist who was familiar with his work. Slowly but surely, thing got much better. Although sitting was always kind of irritating, life was worth living again.
I started getting better around Jan 2013, and by July, I had pretty much considered myself 85-90% healed, although, still, sitting in certain chairs or for long periods of time was still a bit irritating - a conditioned belief that sitting was bad for the back, way back from when I thought it was a physical problem. I know now, of course, this is 100%, without question, a mental problem, not physical.
Things have been pretty good tms-wise, minus some irritation while sitting - however, recently I've had a bad flare up of tms for the last few days. (although it's been better today, since discovering this website).
The problem is I have literally zero idea what to attribute this flare up to. Life is literally PERFECT - I am traveling, pursuing my dreams, money is AWESOME, great friends, an abundance of beautiful women in my life.... No stress, no worries,... I am still very driven, passionately pursuing my goals and striving for excellence, but I don't think it's an unhealthy, tms like obsession.. No idea what my subconscious "rage" could be...
The only thing I can think of is I recently went on a road trip, that involved sitting for long periods of time, to a seminar, which involved sitting for long periods of time... Although I've done one of these before, this time I had quite a bit of irritation from sitting all day, and when I got back home, had a pretty nasty little flair up...
I also know that my subconscious mind sees being depressed as unacceptable - every time I'm just a little sad about something (in a regular, healthy, way), the tms creeps back in (which gets me more depressed and angry). The rage could also be from the tms itself...
I just discovered this website yesterday and haven't had a chance to check out too much of it; although it looks ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. I will look into this "mindful medication" (although I already do regular meditation), as well working on my beliefs about sitting... I will also do the structured educational program, journaling, and try to get on a discussion call as well. Thanks everyone!
