sex scares me, how did you overcome the fear of pelvic pain

While I still want to finish all my doctor runs (I feel like I really need to get my pelvic checked to find some peace but didnt get ther referral yet) it is also certain part of what I experienced was psychosomatic. This is where it gets a little messy

Few months ago I experienced weird pain above my pubic bone during/after orgasm. It kinda scared me but after I tried again after some days it was fine, except- upon going to bed I felt this weird sensation in my clitoral area, as if somethhing was kinda pinched or something, I sarted freaking out. I got a gyno appointment, the doctor said it happens sometimes and it went away in about a day. Same thing happened the next time, calmed down in about 2 days time, but I was still freaking out. I started googling- pelvic floor issues, pagd, pudental neuralgia...Somehow, even though it was basically nothing, it kept me so anxious I almost felt as if doing it is becoming a chore. I felt like I had to keep trying to reassure myself Im fine. Well the fourth time- I got scared. I got scared and started freaking out immediately after doing it. (I even feel as if I didnt even finish, just started freaking out). It was manageable but it kept me busier than the other times, I kept thinking about it. I started googling again- pagd, pelvic floor.... you name it. Read about this girl that had her pagd connect to her feet and this is important because- I do muay thai. Stopped excercising almost completely about 4 months prior to these issues, it was also the time I spent long hours studying for finals. Decided to go for the trainging and as I was getting dizzy from the kicks, my vision started to blur and I felt the tatami under my feet.... somehow I was convinced I am about to orgasm. I got so scared I almost started crying on the spot.

The thing is, the sensations changed a lot, the buzzing went away, then I needed to pee, eventually I felt these as if shocks down the genitalia and the thighs...
I completely fucked up my uni admission tests happening right in the middle of this. Started seeing doctors and doing yoga and SM excercises for my scoliosis again (the doctors were useless, just got a lot of referrals).
I have been doing yoga avery day for almost 4 months now and I can tell it is easier for me to sit up straight and my hip bones and hamstrings are no longer so tight- I am doing so much better nowadays, its almost gone.

The only things that was persistent about this pelvic /pagd scare which I know is psychological (my father once yelled at me and it was literally gone the next day. Of course he doesnt know the whole story he just knows I am in pain down there) was as if this ache/pinched feeling around my clitoris- it mostly only hurts when I pee, or this weird pulsing pain in parts of my vulva. Basically all the other things are almost gone

I am still suffering from anxiety. This rollecoaster of symptoms made me realize how anxious and stressed and unhappy I was before and it didnt help the case. I dont want to be on meds but I get these terrible cold flashes and sometimes when I read/think about pagd (i tried some success stories but even those kinda scare me) the anxiety gets worse (I do not suffer from pagd, its just THIS is the part that scared me so much. Strangely, I ve never minded pain and was never a hypochondriac (until now). So even though the pain was persistent it doesnt scare me at all.

I want to move on desperately, because I know I can. But the thought of dating and sex terrifies me. I can handle the pain, Im just scared of going down this hole again.

Im worried the PT wont find anything wrong with me. But it started SOMEHOW. I thought I wouldt mind not having sex but I do simply because- as long as the fear and doubt is here, I cant move on completely.

I found it get easier when Im with people I like (or people in general lol) and doing things that occupy me, but no matter how great I am now, will this repeat after I do it again? I also stopped excercising almost completely. Wish I could go back to muay thai.

 

I had PN for a month back in 2022, constant urge to urinate, 9/10 pain, thankfully it went away on its own, I wasn’t TMS aware at the time and wasn’t really primed for it to become chronic. I actually used to do Bjj and MT and the Dr thought it was related to a back injury from them, was always TMS, had a full work up nothing found.

I dealt with chronic scrotal pain following a vasectomy, which led me to TMS, TMS work led me to fully resolving that symptom. Main thing that helped was to stop researching, to actually confronting the symptom ( I was numbing the area with topical lidocaine, stopped that immediately) and wearing clothing (underwear, pants) that irritated the area and to just sit with the pain, stopping supplements, stopping the heat/baths, and just trusting my body again. Resuming things I enjoyed, volleyball, basketball, biking etc. and if pain came, then I would sit with it and accept that I would get past this.

see a dr if you must for closure, get the basic tests to rule out anything structurally obvious but be wary of the medical merry go round, and getting punted to different specialists. Stop researching, stop googling. You’re in the fear loop, you get out of it by accepting the TMS diagnosis and that there isn’t anything structurally wrong, and the you start the mind body work.

you loved MT, is it possible to just get a punching bag for your house and starting there, or even just shadowing boxing/kicking, that’s where I started after the PN bout before heading back to the gym.

also talking to yourself in a positive way, being your own best friend forcing it at first, gassing yourself up, especially when confronting the fear, resuming activities. Visualize things going well, and even they don’t, then it’s on to the next day. Don’t dwell on shitty moments. View flare ups as a good thing, once you start responding well to them you’re on your way out of this.