Setback and Trouble with Repressing Emotions

C

ComaDivine34

Peer Supporter
So a couple months ago I found out my mother has a genetic mutation called "lynch syndrome" which carries an increased risk for certain cancers. I then had to get tested and my test took 6 weeks to come back. I have a lot of health related anxiety, along with OCD and general anxiety. Needless to say it was tough waiting since this would change the course of my life with yearly tests, colonoscopies, etc.

The good news is I do not have the mutation. It is nice to get off my mind, but during this time I started to have more depression and pain which did not go away. This setback is disappointing. I've spent a lot of time wondering if TMS is it, what to do next, if I will live like this forever, etc.

Luckily I was able to notice a decrease in symptoms when talking to my father about stuff I never told him, namely being bullied in school during 9th grade. This to me is evidence of TMS but also evidence that I repress so many of my emotions. I have struggled my whole life with this but never realized. What can I do to try to experience emotions without stuffing them down and letting them wreak havoc internally?

I am starting with a new therapist Monday and hoping she can help too.
 
Glad to hear you do not have lynch syndrome. A friend does.
I think it’s natural that your symptoms spiked. Now you have taken the opportunity to address the cycle of why this happens for you. I think you are doing great.
You have not been afraid to be vulnerable. You have opened yourself up to receive love.
Accepting your emotions is a great way to begin allowing them safely in. Sit with those feelings, or journal about how you felt in the 9th grade. Remember feelings are physical - notice where you feel those feelings in your body. Notice how you feel as they pass and recognize there could be layers of emotion.
Remember they are all normal.
 
Thanks @Cactusflower. I had a rough afternoon and was ruminating for a while. I finally had enough and just talked to my wife about all the things I am feeling and got it out there. It led me to intensely crying and then immediately following I felt a sense of relief emotionally and physically. This is a common occurrence and have started to find these difficult moments as a blessing in disguise. It reinforces the TMS diagnosis and also teaches an important lesson showing I need help with not repressing emotions so they don't blow up like this.
 
You need help now. Once you build skills, you will be able to not get so stressed and if you do, you will be able to relieve it without relying on others all the time. You will just learn to feel your emotions and not always be so overwhelmed because you will have taught your brain that feeling them is safe, natural and that they tend to dissipate in mere minutes. One of the most valuable tms tidbits I have learned is that emotions pass through us physically in about 90 seconds on average. I used to hang on to “feelings” - hearing it takes seconds has really given my mind the freedom to be less afraid of hanging on to stuff. I just read a great quote that said our goal is to “feel human” again. That doesn’t mean always being happy - it means feeling the entire breadth of emotions.
This is a wonderful, safe message to repeat to yourself with kindness and care, several times a day, and especially at times you feel very activated. It’s ok to feel it all.
 
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