Self Improvement Without Self Belittlement

G

GTfan

Well known member
Just some thoughts this morning as I've had some old symptoms resurface and I'm trying to get back to the basics.

I can say that ever since I hit puberty I have beat myself up about all the things that are wrong with me and constantly compared myself with others. That has been a big contributor to my TMS.

However, in my recent years I have made strides towards improving myself in the areas that I thought needed improvement, but in the process I have also gotten a "Never good enough attitude".

For example I have always been self conscious about being naturally introverted and shy, so I started forcing myself into awkward social environments and practicing things to build my confidence especially around attractive women. And I have most defintely made great improvements.

However I still beat myself up, and think that I need to get better constantly.

I think this a good driving force for improvement, but with it comes the feeling of never being good enough which I know is enraging to the subconscious.

Can anybody relate to this or am I thinking too deeply about this? Lol

I'm just trying to find balance in being content with who I am, yet still knowing my weaknesses and improving them every day.
 
GT i battle the same issues. Part II of Alan Gordon's TMS recovery program should be helpful plus being a better "parent" to yourself. i hope others who have made improvements in this area will chime in cuz i could also use all the help i can get.
 
Hi GTfan,

I can so absolutely relate to this! I spent so many years on the treadmill of self-improvement, constantly driven by a place of deep inadequacy. Finding the practice of self-compassion is the thing that has helped most for me. As a therapist, this is actually the first and foremost skill I work on practicing with my clients. And is really is a practice. The more you practice it, the more efficient your neural pathways become at doing it and over time, it becomes a habit. The best way to explain it is making the shift from making changes motivated by inadequacy to making changes based on love and care for ourselves and wanting ourselves to suffer less and experience more joy. There are tons of free resources online or I can also recommend some books that have been enormously helpful.

Warmly,
Danielle
 
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