Day 9 Self criticism

[jwiles]

Have you been overly critical of yourself lately? How and why have you done this? Yes i've been hard on myself plenty. I view myself in a negative way a lot and that isn't fair to me and it isn't fair to my well being. I just think a lot about my symptoms and i think sometimes that i deserve the pain. I get a lot of anxiety and panic attacks and that isn't fair to myself either. I was thinking lately that i don't like being so hard on myself and maybe it's time to let up!.

 

[LindaStu]

Have you been overly critical of yourself lately? How and why have you done this? Yes i've been hard on myself plenty. I view myself in a negative way a lot and that isn't fair to me and it isn't fair to my well being. I just think a lot about my symptoms and i think sometimes that i deserve the pain. I get a lot of anxiety and panic attacks and that isn't fair to myself either. I was thinking lately that i don't like being so hard on myself and maybe it's time to let up!.

I just finished my Unsent Letter journaling in Day 8 - I wrote it to myself about that very subject, how vicious, down right mean I am to myself in my internal dialogue. I would never treat another person the way I treat myself! The result is a vicious cycle of being ineffective, unsure, plain old frustrated! So, I'm frustrated at myself for specific things, but don't break the cycle because I tell myself I can't. I agonize over simple decisions because I lack confidence in myself. NO MORE. I am going to be aware of when this starts. And, I'm going to be kind and compassionate to myself. I do have good qualities. I have done good things. I deserve to compliment myself, or encourage myself when I need to do better. I hope the more I practice this, the more natural it will become - the cycle will be broken for good - and I can move onto pain-free, purposeful living! I know God intends better than this for me. The voice tearing me down inside is not His.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, LindaStu. Atta girl! You're learned from TMS that it's not in your best interest or God's to bully yourself. It may just be part of a perfectionist personality. Most of those with TMS pain are perfectionists and "goodists," wanting everyone to like us, and knocking ourselves out to achieve that.

I have a super perfectionist boss, a book publisher, and for years have thought he had a huge ego. I told him it's ten times bigger than the Grand Canyon. Now I believe he does have that big an ego, or even bigger, but at the root of it is an inferiority complex. He would never recognize that, so I don't suggest it. I just baby him along and agree with him on everything because he thinks he knows it all. Far from it. But I've learned not to let him bully me. Now it goes in one ear and out the other.

If we bully ourselves, do the same. In one ear and out the other. Don't let it stay in our head to torment us. "Pain-free, purposeful living" is what God means us to have.

Have a great day.