sciatica relapse - in need of support

[jart_jart]

What are my symptoms?
i'm entering my 3rd month of constant sciatic pain. it runs down my butt and leg and has my trunk permanently bent forward and to the left. I can't stand up straight or lie on my back. i also can't lean to my right at all.

What are you doing for the symptoms?
i've managed to curb the acute attacks through meditation and therapy - so there's relief there, but in the evenings the pain inches up to the point where i can't find any comfort in any position.

work is tough. the drive in is uncomfortable and i sit at a desk cocked to one side.
i'm continuing exercising. i park offsite from work and bike about 10 minutes in and 10 minutes back.

i'm in therapy. my homework is to meditate for 10 minutes 2x a day. it's difficult to stay still and concentrate on my breathing.

i also tried Neuro Emotional Technique to unleash some childhood issues.

i've figured out how to sleep -- it's with 4 ibuprofens before bed and i can only sleep with my legs hanging off the side of the bed. this is tough because the blood rushes to my foot and causes it to swell. but, it's worth it after going 3 weeks without being able to sleep at all.

What's going on in my life?
my wife is 30 weeks pregnant. i had similar sciatica the last time she was pregnant, but it wasn't this bad. i was able to continue running and the pain wasn't constant. it's SO much worse this time. i can't do much around the house and it's hard to take care of the kids.

work recently went through a relocation and i received a promotion meaning more stress and more responsibility.

i understand that this is all classic TMS. i fit the personality type perfectly and the pain came on so slowly that it can't even be tied to an injury. i'm repressing a bunch of emotions.

However, i'm having trouble staying positive. i can't stop thinking that this will never end. i want the pain to stop instantly, and i understand that's not how it works. i just don't think i can put up with this for more months. it needs to stop now. i'm in so much pain.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Hello @jart_jart, and I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Question: did you ever do the Structured Educational Program? The #1 thing it offers, in my opinion, is learning how to write in order to uncover your repressed emotions.

Nicole Sachs, in her book, program, videos, and podcast, says that you have to journal, preferably followed by meditation. In my personal experience, she is 100% right, because that is what has ultimately saved me from every serious relapse I've ever had, or was in danger of having. There is a LOT of agreement on this topic - except, of course, from people who are bound and determined that they hate to journal and they can't journal and journaling doesn't work for them - which of course is all coming from their negative fear-based unconscious and primitive brains that will do anything to prevent those repressed emotions from getting out. And so they are stuck.

You can do the SEP or you can buy Nicole's book, The Meaning of Truth. Or both! I also highly recommend her podcast, starting with Episode #1. It's The Cure For Chronic Pain With Nicole Sachs LCSW.

The only requirement for success when you journal is that you must be completely honest with yourself. Your brain will try to sabotage you by convincing you that you don't need to write certain things down. Do it anyway, no matter how unimportant or silly you would like to think they are. They might be - but our brains are really weird and they really don't know the difference between a minor guilt and a major trauma. It's usually things from the past that are embarrassing or shameful in some way, so you gotta do it if you want to free yourself.

 

[jart_jart]

thank you @JanAtheCPA for those suggestions -- i'll put more effort into my journaling. I appreciate it. I've found my journals from the last bout of TMS to be helpful as a reminder that i've been here before and it will pass.