Really struggling today - Vulvodynia Symptoms

[ARCUser831]

I have been feeling a lot better recently when it comes to the original symptoms that brought me here, mainly frequent urination, sciatica, and clitoral pain/discomfort.

However, this last week I’ve been experiencing symptoms that I haven’t experienced since my symptoms first flared, which would best be described as vulvodynia symptoms - soreness around vaginal opening, sometimes a burning sensation. This worsens when I walk or exercise. Sometimes sitting is uncomfortable and moving around a bit helps, and other times the opposite is true.

I suspect this is the symptom imperative. I have made a lot of progress with my primary symptoms, the time in between flares is increasing and my ability to handle them when they occur is getting easier. I recently had a bout of recurring throat tightness that I feared was allergies/anaphylaxis. It occupied my mind for a couple weeks until I was confident it was only my anxiety. Of course, when my fear of a really allergic reaction was gone, so was the symptom.

Last week, the new symptom of vaginal soreness and intermittent burning popped up. It wouldn’t be bothering me much if I was not worried about an infection. As far as I know, I’ve never had a UTI, BV, or even a yeast infection. But my fear of those things has been a main theme throughout this journey. I have a strong “naturopathic” value system and the idea of having an infection I need to take antibiotics for scares me because I know how they can wreak havoc.

Doctor visits in the past have always shown no infection. I don’t want to go in again for what I am guessing will be the same result. I want to have the confidence to trust this is the symptom imperative and handle it with TMS work…

I also suspect these symptoms are popping up after the news of a big move an hour and a half away and getting a promotion at work. I feel anxious like I did in my early days dealing with this. And disappointed with myself because I succumbed to Dr Google today and it has sent me into a frenzy.

I guess I just need some reassurance. I am trying to commit more to the emotional work at the moment. But mentally I’m really struggling to not fixate.

 

[Cactusflower]

I suspect it's been a pre-occupation with the symptoms again. You have been very descriptive, where "I am struggling with symptoms" would be enough for anyone on this forum to understand what you are going through.

None of this is important: "Last week, the new symptom of vaginal soreness and intermittent burning popped up. It wouldn’t be bothering me much if I was not worried about an infection. As far as I know, I’ve never had a UTI, BV, or even a yeast infection. But my fear of those things has been a main theme throughout this journey. I have a strong “naturopathic” value system and the idea of having an infection I need to take antibiotics for scares me because I know how they can wreak havoc." - that's all fixaction. Your "value system" is based on fear and you need to ditch it, and begin a new mindset. You are fearing something you haven't ever even had! The only important part of what you've written is that you become anxious, worried and pre-occupied with fears - anxiety is a TMS symptom. You'll need to get comfortable with the sensations of anxiety and see them for what they are - thoughts or physical sensations that if you allow them to just be, will pass. Using a lense of curiosity, look at how you fixate - not just on the physical symptoms but the story surrounding the symptoms. Zoom out of the tiny, intense scrutiny of each little thing and see that TMS usually has many more symptoms than the physical - it's the MENTAL and emotional symptoms that make us suffer. The physical just gets our attention.

It's not uncommon for symptoms to come and go, to move and switch around..for us to handle the pre-occupation for a day and then have it rear up again full force. It's all part of re-training yourself to re-focus on your attention.

Keep up with all your good work, today is today. Tomorrow is another day! Learn from what is happening today and move on.

 

[ARCUser831]

I suspect it's been a pre-occupation with the symptoms again. You have been very descriptive, where "I am struggling with symptoms" would be enough for anyone on this forum to understand what you are going through.

None of this is important: "Last week, the new symptom of vaginal soreness and intermittent burning popped up. It wouldn’t be bothering me much if I was not worried about an infection. As far as I know, I’ve never had a UTI, BV, or even a yeast infection. But my fear of those things has been a main theme throughout this journey. I have a strong “naturopathic” value system and the idea of having an infection I need to take antibiotics for scares me because I know how they can wreak havoc." - that's all fixaction. Your "value system" is based on fear and you need to ditch it, and begin a new mindset. You are fearing something you haven't ever even had! The only important part of what you've written is that you become anxious, worried and pre-occupied with fears - anxiety is a TMS symptom. You'll need to get comfortable with the sensations of anxiety and see them for what they are - thoughts or physical sensations that if you allow them to just be, will pass. Using a lense of curiosity, look at how you fixate - not just on the physical symptoms but the story surrounding the symptoms. Zoom out of the tiny, intense scrutiny of each little thing and see that TMS usually has many more symptoms than the physical - it's the MENTAL and emotional symptoms that make us suffer. The physical just gets our attention.

It's not uncommon for symptoms to come and go, to move and switch around..for us to handle the pre-occupation for a day and then have it rear up again full force. It's all part of re-training yourself to re-focus on your attention.

Keep up with all your good work, today is today. Tomorrow is another day! Learn from what is happening today and move on.

Cactusflower - thank you so much for the response. You honestly said exactly what I needed to hear. I am focusing WAY TOO MUCH on the physical symptoms, which is exactly the purpose for their existence. I'm feeding them. I suspect I was struggling so much yesterday because I was allowing myself to fixate on the physical. It had been a while since my anxiety towards my physical symptoms felt that intense...

I was definitely tied to the idea that my problem needed to first be solved or the pain to go away before I would be able to stop feeling the way that I am feeling. I am taking a step back and I'm going to try to manage my anxiety. I have Claire Weekes' audiobook and I plan to listen through it today. I'm still struggling to grasp her method but am determined to keep trying...I know I will continue to experience the symptom imperative until I can work through my anxiety...

I also listened to John Sarno's audiobook a bit yesterday again - the treatment section - and am integrating some of those tools today to help me re-focus away from my pain/physical symptoms. e.g. talking to my brain, thinking psychological. I am struggling. I don't feel very good at any of this on a good day. I just needed to regain perspective and you helped me on that path...thank you