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Re. 3 weeks in feeling worse

Bex1111

Bex1111

Peer Supporter
Hello all.
First I must thank many of you for your stories... I am reading them every day , sometimes 2 times a day to get me through these difficult times.

I started this cycle of chronic pain last summer with dizziness and then panic attacks which I assumed was medication . I went to doctors and had blood done , started to take folate acid as this was a bit low and stopped some reflux medication that I thought was causing panic. In November this rib pain started and so I got xray, mri , endoscopy, bloods again. Nothing except possible rib fracture but they thought it was artifactual as no trauma had occurred and it wasn't obvious at all. So this caused me more stress. Pain started to move into face , numb , burning. I stopped working as it was getting too much. Now its more nerve pain, burning back and front ribs, face pain which moves around face and often in noes , arms and hands. Its been so painful. I went to ER once too quite recently and they said heart and lungs , rib ok and bloods ok . My heart was racing but it eventually went down. I also had a brain MRI which I am waiting for results... and had a abdominal scan all clear .

I have a history of post viral fatigue age 15 and fibromyalgia quite recently in my late 30s. I have never felt this bad , never had to stop working due to symptoms. The nerve pain is constant but goes up and down in severity and areA and moves around my face and arms and back very quickly it it insane.

I definitely have health anxiety. I always think the worst and also have a tendanxy to catastrophy especially about the safety of people. I have alot of the TMS traits. I have also spent the last 7 month Googling everything that sounded like what I feel and that has created much more anxiety.

The last 3 weeks I have been working really hard at not talking about how I feel in a negative way, barely discussing with anybody, . I have been jornalllubg , walking , meditation and I just feel worse. The face pain got worse a few nights and then faded. This morning the ribs woke me up at 3am and 6am and I had to get up and find a way to relax the nerve and crawling sensation . I often feel my nervous system shaking internally. I know I am at the start of my journey. I am following the plan on here too . Anyway I know I can't change a lifetime of panic in 3 weeks but it feels worse and overwhelming.

Thanks for listening xx Any advice would be much appreciated.
 
@Bex1111
Maybe it’s just the universe, but I woke up early early with the same internal nervous system shaky feeling.
My suggestion is to simply be curious. I will often label the feeling “this is anxiety” and then instead of trying to stop or alter the feeling (which is a form of resistance), I simply allow it. I try to let my mind float through it - I guess kind of allowing, feeling it but not judging it as a good or bad sensation. It’s simply a response to a heightened nervous system. Feeling “worse” is very common with TMS work - you are confronting the raw, base issues that cause the symptoms. Congratulate yourself for this really hard work you are doing, and have lots of compassion for how you feel, and your bodies response. It’s only trying to keep you safe from whatever emotional hurts it feels are “dangerous”.

Go slow, don’t overwhelm yourself with information or “doing”. So far, you are on the right track!
 
Thank you so much for the support. Each day has built up more and im feeling a bit broken by it all . I definitely relate to this feeling of anxiety inside.. I have felt it alot lately.. the internal shakes. I really need a good night's sleep and its not happening at the moment and I don't expect that helps. I hope you also start to feel calmer today and I really appreciate your advice .
 
@Bex1111 , that's a great post and description AND awareness of where you are at.

Bex1111 said:
I can't change a lifetime of panic in 3 weeks
Click to expand...
You're right about this - in the sense that you won't experience a 180 degree change in a short amount of time. How about just 1 degree at a time? Baby steps, baby!

Can you appreciate the fact that if one symptom goes away, that this is a success even if it's replaced by a different one? Your TMS brain would like you to remain negative and see this as a failure, but your TMS brain is actually not subtle enough to get the distinction.

My go-to techniques for getting past difficult moments (like the panic that accompanies a middle-of-the-night symptom) are:
1. Therapeutic (diaphragmatic) mindful breathing. Easy to look up and learn.
2. Self talk. For you, this might be something like "Hey brain! This symptom isn't necessary, and this panic is definitely not necessary! There's actually nothing wrong with me except for being all clenched up with anxiety, so let's take some deep breaths and see if we can stop the fear-fest and just think about breathing slowly in and out, without worrying about being awake or asleep or whatever, because this will pass if we let it."

It's unfortunately too easy to let our monkey brains keep chattering away with fear and what-ifs while we remain all clenched up. It's HARD to turn off the chatter and let relaxation replace the clenching. I know it's hard. Your TMS brain does not want you to do this. The thing is, it really works, in fact it's kind of miraculous. And it gets easier the more you practice it.

In other words, as Nicole Sachs says all the time, the concepts behind this work are really very simple. Putting them into practice without giving in to our fearful TMS brains is what's hard.

But it can be done.
 
Thank you so much. I really appreciate all the time you have taken to help me. It certainly feels lonely at times but this wiki and all the YouTube videos are very encouraging. I actually managed to sleep last night. I told my brain there is nothing wrong with my ribs or nerves and we were going to sleep well . At the start of the night it was getting difficult but I listened to a meditation called you are safe which I play ever night and I managed to sleep through . Baby steps indeed x I have to remember when things change good or bad that its just part of the process.
 
Laat night i managed to go out and watch gig with my old band mates. We even sang at a random open mic. It was so fun and I danced alot too. I was aware of my symptoms but carried on. This morning I woke up again with this overwhelming nerve se sensation in back and face and noes ... I think I had some kind of expectations that because I was 'going out and living life ', that my brain would go easy on or Maybe disappear ( yes high expectations!). Today I went for a walk with my husbands even though I'm feeling it all. Its the most unnerving feeling. I even wrote down that atleast the burning arms had gone and guess what started to happen! Frustration today but I really did have fun last night but was probably stoll paying too much attention to the sensations.
 
Oh, my goodness - your TMS brain is NOT happy with you, girl! This is frustrating, and frightening, and it's okay, too. You are very advanced in your self-awareness - which your brain also does not like, because, you know - it much prefers that you just repress all awareness, right?

Self-awareness is essential, and you've got that. Just don't let it become obsessive, remember to breathe, and remember to talk back to your brain and remind it that you're living safely in the modern world, and that these symptoms are not necessary. Repeat as needed - it only takes a few seconds each time.

It will get better!
 
Yes its been in a bit of turmoil today. I have had alot of those intrusive thoughts today , you know the ones that are so random and out there especially when I remind myself of all the success stories I have heard and watched with such weird symptoms like me and then I hear " they are probably ill again ' or ' it probably wasn't real' and so I have been saying "no thanks thats ridiculous".... feeling quite mad today haha! Just some relief would be nice though
 
PS - I was thinking I had forgotten about something from your story, and I found it, which is this:
Bex1111 said:
My upbringing was good but there were some rough fights from my dad... often angry and a bit violent.
Click to expand...

I've mentioned Nicole Sachs, LCSW previously, and I really think you would find a lot of benefit from reading her book and/or listening to her weekly podcast. Not only is she incredibly skilled and compassionate about presenting the concepts, but she also had a very difficult relationship with her father, who was also emotionally abusive. Having this in your background results in what Nicole calls Big "T" Trauma - and it's vital for anyone with this kind of background to know that childhood adversity like this is almost a guarantee of what can be severe emotional and physical problems in the future.

If you listen to Nicole's podcast, the best way to get to know her is to start from the beginning with Season 1 Episode 1, which is way back in 2018 - making it a bit hard to find depending on which podcast app you use (I just discovered that if a podcast has seasons, which hers does, that Amazon Music makes it easy to choose a season, and then reverse-sort the episodes so you can start at the beginning).

I swear, listening to one of Nicole's podcast episodes is like a personal therapy session. I feel like there's at least one new gem, and one valuable reminder, in each one. She often engages in "real time" healing sessions with people. Also, she worked with Dr. Sarno years ago before she established her own therapy practice, so she is grounded in Sarno - but she has advanced her practice far beyond "pure Sarno".

Nichole's website is About Nicole Sachs | The Cure for Chronic Pain, her podcast title is The Cure For Chronic Pain With Nicole Sachs, and her book title is The Meaning Of Truth.

Finally, for a bit of insight about childhood adversity, I recommend completing the "ACEs" quiz here (just ten questions in Y/N format) and of course be sure to read the accompanying article (which is very short).
Take The ACE Quiz — And Learn What It Does And Doesn't Mean : Shots - Health News : NPR
 
Thank you. I have been following her and you are right , she is so compassionate. I watched her YouTube videos and have been doing her journal speak. I have written alot about dad and other bits this last week without much upset but today interesting I watched a podcast with Drew Coverdale and his guest mentioned a joke that happened to her as an 8 year old that she reflected on that really upset her and affected her mind-body symptoms. It made me think of something I always remember, my brother and sister were much older than me ans used to both tease me when I walked into thr living room they would pretend I was invisible and that I was smelly. It was silly kids stuff but they did it enough that I still remember and all I wanted was to play with them and be loved. I was only maybe 4 or 5 and became a very shy and scared kid. I never though this was an issue but this is the first time I sobbed during JS since I began . Now my face is hurting and my rib ! But its because of that podcast that it made me dig deep. It wasn't on my list of triggers at all. I will look at Nicole's podcast too thank you . Its all so helpful.
 
Today I have felt like a ping-pong table. Facial pain on the left jaw , then the right cheek, then the left cheek , then the chin , at the same time right rib , left arm, then to the left rib . Its moving around so much .
 
Bex1111 said:
Thank you. I have been following her and you are right , she is so compassionate. I watched her YouTube videos and have been doing her journal speak. I have written alot about dad and other bits this last week without much upset but today interesting I watched a podcast with Drew Coverdale and his guest mentioned a joke that happened to her as an 8 year old that she reflected on that really upset her and affected her mind-body symptoms. It made me think of something I always remember, my brother and sister were much older than me ans used to both tease me when I walked into thr living room they would pretend I was invisible and that I was smelly. It was silly kids stuff but they did it enough that I still remember and all I wanted was to play with them and be loved. I was only maybe 4 or 5 and became a very shy and scared kid. I never though this was an issue but this is the first time I sobbed during JS since I began . Now my face is hurting and my rib ! But its because of that podcast that it made me dig deep. It wasn't on my list of triggers at all. I will look at Nicole's podcast too thank you . Its all so helpful.
Click to expand...


Hi Bex1111: I can so empathize with where you are with things. I'm just at the beginning of my journey, too, and it is so tough getting started. Yesterday I felt so much better after journaling but the woke up today feeling so much worse. I conceptually understand why that happens but it doesn't make it any easier to experience. We're doing this to feel better, so it is difficult to feel worse. I don't have any great words of wisdom. Just wanted you to know that I empathize.
 
Thank you for your kind Wishes. Yes its the hardest thing I have ever had to do but ita so nice to have support here. I am having more downs than ups at the moment but must keep swimning. Sending much support back to you too xxx
 
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