Day 3 Question to Ponder and other musings

[Lilibet]

Regarding exercise/physical activity...I took a walk in my neighborhood two days ago with my husband. I've always been a sedentary person, since childhood, which worries my husband. So he encourages me to walk with him. It was a beautiful evening and I felt like I had accomplished something. My low back, rear and hips began to hurt, but I went a little further and found a place to sit and rest before returning home.

It's hard for me to get moving because it's not something I crave in itself. Dr. Sarno's advice to "resume physical activity" is like a foreign language to me. I've always enjoyed walking if it takes me somewhere I want to go, rather than just walking for its health benefits. But I haven't done that kind of walking for a long time because I have been afraid that I will be in too much pain to get home or back to my car easily. Yesterday, doing the Day 2 work, I scheduled a couple of "destination walks" in my day planner during the next month.

Other musings...Today when I wrote down three events or experiences in my past that produced strong emotions, they all involved fear, or actually terror. Two were from very early childhood when I was about three and one when I was between eight and ten perhaps. All three were serious enough that I thought either I or one of my parents would die. My childhood was filled with headaches and colds. I'm still affected by leftover anxiety from these events in my late sixties. Interesting.

 

[BruceMC]

But I haven't done that kind of walking for a long time because I have been afraid that I will be in too much pain to get home or back to my car easily.

[my emphasis]

Today when I wrote down three events or experiences in my past that produced strong emotions, they all involved fear, or actually terror.

[my emphasis]

Notice how fear is the common denominator both in your past and present? See how it's fear that's driving your TMS pain and not the pain itself? You might want to check out Alan Gordon's TMS Recovery Program and see what he has to say on the subject of fear:

To emphasize, your TMS symptoms themselves aren’t serving as a distraction from painful unconscious emotions, it’s the fear and preoccupation around the pain that is serving as this distraction. That’s the purpose of the pain in most cases, to generate fear. It’s for this reason that runners often get leg pain and screenwriters often get wrist pain (and not the other way around.) It’s for this reason that pain often manifests in a place where you know you’re structurally vulnerable. And it’s for this reason that some TMSers can eliminate their symptoms simply by reading one of Dr. Sarno’s books (as it can neutralize the fear associated with the pain).
Consequently, every one of those pain-themed fear thoughts is actually serving to reinforce the pain. (Perhaps you may have just had the thought, “Oh man, I’m never going to be able to overcome those thoughts. I’m doomed.” That’s another one right there. See how prevalent they are?)

Here's the link: http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program

 

[Lilibet]

Thanks for connecting these two thoughts, Bruce. You confirmed what I was beginning to see and wonder about. From all my previous reading, I thought that Sarno seemed to emphasize anger/rage from childhood (and the present) driving TMS pain, but when I did this exercise, the terrifying experiences were what came to me first. Maybe the terror and rage are connected? Maybe it doesn't matter and I'm over-thinking it as TMSer perfectionists do.

I think maybe I overruled my fear on my walk the other evening. I told myself that I could always stop and rest until the pain eased. That let me walk further than I thought I could.

 

[BruceMC]

Anxiety=Terror=Rage

I'm beginning to see these as three interchangeable masks that the Inner Bully can put on to suit its purposes as the situation dictates. Three different ways of perpetuating TMS symptoms. How about yourself?

 

[Lilibet]

That makes sense. Lots to learn!

 

[BruceMC]

Alan has the relationship between anxiety, terror, and rage mapped out much better than I do. But at least I'm getting a sense of how they interrelate and gang up to generate TMS pain. You have to figure it out for yourself, but I'm certain there is a connection between all three emotions.

 

[Lilibet]

Thanks for posting the link above, Bruce. I didn't see it earlier. I've read a few items there and I can see it will be a good complement to the Structured program.