"Quarter-Life Crisis" TMSers out there??

[Steve J.]

Hello,

I'm curious to see how many of you out there are at that age (in their twenties) that seems the time when existential/ self-realization angst seems strongest? I'm 25, been suffering from TMS essentially my whole life, and the past five years have brought OCD, anxiety, depression, gastro issues and discomfort/pain in my joints and lower back. I'm in the throes of not only attempting to recover from the "physical" components of TMS (I've been seeing a TMS therapist), but also trying to find my place in the world, as it were, and the more affective and "emotional" aspects of TMS. I've done quite a bit of good work with the therapist trying to get in touch with feelings of anger and insecurity due to a lack of connection with my father and older brothers.

I know that my career path anxiety (including financial security) is simply an added layer, or another imperative, within my TMS spectrum. However, I'm finding it very difficult to focus on any single thing, and it is all quite overwhelming. I'm in the process of returning to school, and with everything else that's going on I simply feel...bombarded. And scared. (Will I be able to handle school stresses along with my TMS? Will I be able to work part time? What if I don't? What if I can't? Etc.? ETC.???)

Many folks on the forum appear to be middle-aged or older (not all of course), and so I would just like to get in touch with quarter-agers who might be able to relate to this. (BUT, I don't want this to preclude the wisest TMSers among us to provide some feedback and opinions on this type of thing).

Steve

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I'm out of the age range of those you'd like to connect with (I'm almost 85),
but if it's any help or comfort, be glad, even overjoyed, that you are in your twenties.
And be assured, life gets better and better. I loved my thirties, etc. and still love it.
My mother, at age 94, told me, "I may have some arthritis, but life is still great."

Don't be afraid to return to school. It can take your mind off any anxiety or fear.

Don't think "What if" negatively. Think "I can" positively. Lighten up and laugh away
whatever is hitting your fan.

 

[IrishSceptic]

I'm in the exact same boat my friend and financial worries are my main predicament.
I was well looked after during childhood but never given any direction or instilled with any particular beliefs(though raised Catholic, now a heathen).
last year was my lowest ebb, I was a year out of work and had begun using morphine patches along with heaps of pills for pain control. none of them worked and I was just about to get some sleep via that method. I had just turned 25 and felt completely and utterly hopeless. add to that my parents or siblings didn't recognise the pain and despair I was going through.

its fantastic you are seeing a therapist. I have intense career/financial anxiety and I feel this is related to my father who has never given me any meaningful advice on anything. he is politically unaware also so when I became aware of the true nature of competing in capitalistic society it turned my feeling of being overwhelmed up to 11. In spite of obtaining Magna cum laude equivalent grades in everything and my degree I still felt worthless and scared due to the pain and anxiety of having to sit at a desk. seriously!

my dad was an uneducated construction worker and where I'm from people are pretty close minded so I always felt a little bit out of place. My passion for learning was not really entertained. Don't get me wrong my parents are great it just they can't relate emotionally to me, its not anyones faults its just the way it is and how they were brought up! (I have learned to try and forgive in my own mind instead of getting caught in that old groove of negativity).

However, sport was my ultimate passion and found I had to discontinue due to the pain. my main pursuit in life I felt was taken from me at 18. the past 6/7 years have been filled with searching for the solution, visiting every doctor I could think of, keeping detailed journals of pain/mood , all to no avail. I gained weight, became depressed and my already low self esteem/confidence took an almost fatal nosedive.

I began reading studies on effect of chronic pain on the brain and was alarmed. I was actually causing my own brain to 'cannibalise' itself as white matter declines much faster in those with CP.

When I came across Sarno's book HBP I didn't read it for 8 months as I was trying all the ''plausible'' treatments first.
Don't worry you are on the right path. I haven't seen resolution of symptoms but my anxiety about pain has virtually been eliminated with some setbacks.
I am confident I will see further improvement but because of ingrained thinking its hard to see me overcoming pain. However all the other stories give me immense hope. Steve O and Forrest's stories but give me incredible food for thought. Maybe Steve is making it up to flog books, but that unlikely. Forrest on the other hand is completely believable and is clearly very intelligent. Add to that the numerous doctors who have backed this approach.

My dad is a total TMSer and has a myriad of symptoms.

I would recommend Joseph Murphy's ''Power of your subconscious mind'', putting yourself first and being selfish for a change!!
some of this sounds a bit fruity but he speaks a lot of truth.

free here
http://www.ichoosetoheal.com/downloads/the-power-of-your-subconscious-mind.pdf

I'm learning to be patient with my body and find myself avoiding the hard work of doing the daily work.
At the moment I am working through an eight week meditation program in order to clear the mind.
Cannot recommend it enough, it has been shown to actually lay down new neural pathways/regrow new gray matter.
The medical approach to this problem has been utterly disastrous for me as I was left in total desperation.
don't try and force it.

 

[Ryan]

Hang in there buddy, I'm 30 now but tms hit me hard when I was 27. I had this stuff my whole life though, but I had other equivalents than pain. It's the anxiety and depression that caused tms not the other way around. You are on the right path, keep working with your therapists.

Be careful getting to carried away with finding out the one thing you repressed. I struggled with this at times and it caused me to continue to search for a answer out of FEAR. Fear is there to distract you from the underlying emotions. Some people do heal by connecting with the emotions, but it's different for everyone.

Find your purpose on earth and become whole the pain will fade. Once you take your focus off the body and find there is a world out there to connect with people you will heal. Tmsers live so much in there heads and forget to enjoy life. We want answers now and don't let life unfold. Where you are at in life and where you think you should be, there is your tension. Let go, forgive others, laugh, and love. I was where you are except with kids and a wife.

I can relate to you but trust your instinct and do what you enjoy for a career. Money is a necessity but not everything in this world. I used to be obsessed with my career and money, but it was my way of proving myself. I had low self esteem so I had to put on a mask to the world that I was good, smart person (ego).

Goodluck, you will do good which ever career route you choose in school. Be kind to yourself and have some faith and perseverance, mixed in with a little bit of hope. You will heal when your ready, keep looking and doors will open. We are what we believe.

Ryan

 

[Steve J.]

Thank you all for your fantastic replies.

I'm out of the age range of those you'd like to connect with (I'm almost 85),
but if it's any help or comfort, be glad, even overjoyed, that you are in your twenties.
And be assured, life gets better and better. I loved my thirties, etc. and still love it.
My mother, at age 94, told me, "I may have some arthritis, but life is still great."

Don't be afraid to return to school. It can take your mind off any anxiety or fear.

Don't think "What if" negatively. Think "I can" positively. Lighten up and laugh away
whatever is hitting your fan.

Walt, gratefulness is something I definitely struggle in exhibiting, particularly in these times of trial. But I know that you subscribe to the fact that with God, all suffering and tribulations eventually reveal greater awareness should we truly surrender and find peace.

I'm in the exact same boat my friend and financial worries are my main predicament.
I was well looked after during childhood but never given any direction or instilled with any particular beliefs(though raised Catholic, now a heathen).
last year was my lowest ebb, I was a year out of work and had begun using morphine patches along with heaps of pills for pain control. none of them worked and I was just about to get some sleep via that method. I had just turned 25 and felt completely and utterly hopeless. add to that my parents or siblings didn't recognise the pain and despair I was going through.

its fantastic you are seeing a therapist. I have intense career/financial anxiety and I feel this is related to my father who has never given me any meaningful advice on anything. he is politically unaware also so when I became aware of the true nature of competing in capitalistic society it turned my feeling of being overwhelmed up to 11. In spite of obtaining Magna cum laude equivalent grades in everything and my degree I still felt worthless and scared due to the pain and anxiety of having to sit at a desk. seriously!

my dad was an uneducated construction worker and where I'm from people are pretty close minded so I always felt a little bit out of place. My passion for learning was not really entertained. Don't get me wrong my parents are great it just they can't relate emotionally to me, its not anyones faults its just the way it is and how they were brought up! (I have learned to try and forgive in my own mind instead of getting caught in that old groove of negativity).

However, sport was my ultimate passion and found I had to discontinue due to the pain. my main pursuit in life I felt was taken from me at 18. the past 6/7 years have been filled with searching for the solution, visiting every doctor I could think of, keeping detailed journals of pain/mood , all to no avail. I gained weight, became depressed and my already low self esteem/confidence took an almost fatal nosedive.

I began reading studies on effect of chronic pain on the brain and was alarmed. I was actually causing my own brain to 'cannibalise' itself as white matter declines much faster in those with CP.

When I came across Sarno's book HBP I didn't read it for 8 months as I was trying all the ''plausible'' treatments first.
Don't worry you are on the right path. I haven't seen resolution of symptoms but my anxiety about pain has virtually been eliminated with some setbacks.
I am confident I will see further improvement but because of ingrained thinking its hard to see me overcoming pain. However all the other stories give me immense hope. Steve O and Forrest's stories but give me incredible food for thought. Maybe Steve is making it up to flog books, but that unlikely. Forrest on the other hand is completely believable and is clearly very intelligent. Add to that the numerous doctors who have backed this approach.

My dad is a total TMSer and has a myriad of symptoms.

I would recommend Joseph Murphy's ''Power of your subconscious mind'', putting yourself first and being selfish for a change!!
some of this sounds a bit fruity but he speaks a lot of truth.

free here
http://www.ichoosetoheal.com/downloads/the-power-of-your-subconscious-mind.pdf

I'm learning to be patient with my body and find myself avoiding the hard work of doing the daily work.
At the moment I am working through an eight week meditation program in order to clear the mind.
Cannot recommend it enough, it has been shown to actually lay down new neural pathways/regrow new gray matter.
The medical approach to this problem has been utterly disastrous for me as I was left in total desperation.
don't try and force it.

IrishSceptic,

Thank you for your encouraging words. I can definitely relate to the fact that athletic activities have had to be placed on the backburner due to pain. That is a difficult hurdle to overcome (no pun intended) especially at such a young age. I'm 25, haven't golfed, snowboarded, played handball, or basketball in a couple of years. Rough.

I grew up in the States, but my dad was born in Poland and had very humble beginnings, perhaps similarly to the environment your parents grew up in. He's far from an intellectual and so it has always been, and continues to be, a bit of a struggle to establish a meaningful connection with him, not only intellectually, but more importantly, emotionally.

Hang in there buddy, I'm 30 now but tms hit me hard when I was 27. I had this stuff my whole life though, but I had other equivalents than pain. It's the anxiety and depression that caused tms not the other way around. You are on the right path, keep working with your therapists.

Be careful getting to carried away with finding out the one thing you repressed. I struggled with this at times and it caused me to continue to search for a answer out of FEAR. Fear is there to distract you from the underlying emotions. Some people do heal by connecting with the emotions, but it's different for everyone.

Find your purpose on earth and become whole the pain will fade. Once you take your focus off the body and find there is a world out there to connect with people you will heal. Tmsers live so much in there heads and forget to enjoy life. We want answers now and don't let life unfold. Where you are at in life and where you think you should be, there is your tension. Let go, forgive others, laugh, and love. I was where you are except with kids and a wife.

I can relate to you but trust your instinct and do what you enjoy for a career. Money is a necessity but not everything in this world. I used to be obsessed with my career and money, but it was my way of proving myself. I had low self esteem so I had to put on a mask to the world that I was good, smart person (ego).

Goodluck, you will do good which ever career route you choose in school. Be kind to yourself and have some faith and perseverance, mixed in with a little bit of hope. You will heal when your ready, keep looking and doors will open. We are what we believe.

Ryan

Ryan,

Thanks, man. I'm making changes in my life. The last six months have brought a relationship that sputtered away, and the realization that my career choice was slowly but surely drowning my talents and desires.

The pain is unrelenting, and therefore the fear that is attached to it is all the more powerful. I'm hoping that with going back to school and finding my way (without putting too much pressure on myself) will lead to a gradual lessening of the all-consuming fear, and then eventually the pain.

You're so right when you say "TMSers live so much in there heads and forget to enjoy life. We want answers now and don't let life unfold."

Need for control==>lack of control==>obsession==>fear

Obsession has been the rule, not the exception, in my mind's way of attempting to handle life's difficulties.

Thanks again,
Steve

 

[ash86]

Steve, I completely get where you are coming from! I am 24. I have had every symptoms on your list in your first post. And I also have severe anxiety. I understand your career path anxiety.

Like Ryan said, don't get too focused on finding the hidden emotion, I always called it the trouble maker. I learned a lot about what I was doing wrong from Monte's book. I realize now that my personality and daily thought patterns are really the cause. I am learning to accept this and be a little kinder to myself. Its funny in a way, the kinder you are to yourself, the easier it is to be kinder to others. Instead of forcing myself to be "good".

I think schooling will keep your mind off of the distraction TMS tries to create. Just give yourself time at the end of every day to journal and reflect on your feelings. I think it would help to really think about what career would mean something to you and make you happy. That way when you are doing the hard work you can truly look forward to the "light at the end" and enjoy the process instead of just doing what is expected of you. Looking back this is one of the biggest things that caused me so much repressed anger.

Anyways... just wanted to let you know there are other quarters like you that can relate!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I had dinner earlier this week with a long-time friend who came to my house without his wife of 25 years
and he said he had filed for divorce. It was the last straw, he said, when his son (twice my friend's size)
began beating him up after being told to do his homework for high school.

My friend tried defending himself, not hurting the boy but trying to escape his punches, but his wife called the cops.
They arrested my friend for child abuse and he had to hire a lawyer to go to court with him next week.

I think his wife is in a power struggle with him. I gave my friend dinner, wine, and sympathy but couldn't help but be glad
I've always been a bachelor. I stuck with dogs.

The shoe on the other foot, another of my male friends treated his wife like a squaw, so after many years, she divorced him.
Why do some married people try to dominate each other? I think love should be a give-give relationship.

 

[575]

I'm 21 now, TMS (butt pain) first appeared when I was 18 and almost done with school (healed now).
I basically don't know what I want to do in life except for enjoying my hobbies.
There's not single thing in the world that I could do that's not a complete waste of life time/exploitation and I think that is why I had TMS.

 

[Kiara]

Hi Steve,

I relate to your situation as I am 23 years old, so probably one of the youngest on the forum! I resonate with your concerns about finding your place in the world, deciding on a career, and figuring out your beliefs/values.

I'm in a bit of a transition when it comes to career and study, as I've done a few university subjects in psychology/counselling but have not completed the degrees due to TMS. I have had chronic back/neck pain, widespread neuropathic pain, and more recently chronic fatigue. Discovering Dr Sarno and the mind body connection has been amazing for me! I've been able to overcome my back/neck pain with about 80% improvement, although the neuropathic pain and fatigue are taking longer to heal.

Anyway, I've found it helpful not to pressure myself to find the "one ideal career" for me because I will always have multiple passions, interests and skills. I am an artist and love painting, but I also have a strong interest in counselling, personality theory and Christian ministry work. At the moment I am focusing on my passions for visual art and starting a new blog about personality, so I will see where that takes me.

It's hard because parents, peers and society send the message that you should know exactly what you want, and that you should specialise and excel in one thing. But not everyone fits into that mold. Some people have a portfolio career, have more than one job, or do a series of completely different careers throughout their life. There are so many other options and ways of having a successful career! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Cheers,
Lauren

 

[Steve J.]

Hi Steve,

I relate to your situation as I am 23 years old, so probably one of the youngest on the forum! I resonate with your concerns about finding your place in the world, deciding on a career, and figuring out your beliefs/values.

I'm in a bit of a transition when it comes to career and study, as I've done a few university subjects in psychology/counselling but have not completed the degrees due to TMS. I have had chronic back/neck pain, widespread neuropathic pain, and more recently chronic fatigue. Discovering Dr Sarno and the mind body connection has been amazing for me! I've been able to overcome my back/neck pain with about 80% improvement, although the neuropathic pain and fatigue are taking longer to heal.

Anyway, I've found it helpful not to pressure myself to find the "one ideal career" for me because I will always have multiple passions, interests and skills. I am an artist and love painting, but I also have a strong interest in counselling, personality theory and Christian ministry work. At the moment I am focusing on my passions for visual art and starting a new blog about personality, so I will see where that takes me.

It's hard because parents, peers and society send the message that you should know exactly what you want, and that you should specialise and excel in one thing. But not everyone fits into that mold. Some people have a portfolio career, have more than one job, or do a series of completely different careers throughout their life. There are so many other options and ways of having a successful career! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Cheers,
Lauren

Lauren,

I am in the exact same boat -- many interests/talents, which is a two-sided coin in this day and age. You're path sounds really interesting, I hope that things work out well for you!

Thank you for weighing in on this thread, I think it's important for people our age to connect, especially since we're less likely to have friends/acquaintances/co-workers our age in our immediate, everyday life who will be able to empathize with what we are going through.

Steve

 

[Kiara]

Hi Steve,

Thanks for your encouragement! You're welcome - it's certainly a challenge when you have many different talents, interests and passions! Knowing my personality type has made a difference in this too, as I have an interest in personality theories.

Here are some websites you may find helpful:

Puttylike: A Home for Multipotentialites! - This website is designed to encourage and support people who have a variety of different skills and passions.

Career Shifters Blog - I found some useful articles and personal stories of people here who decided to change direction in their careers.

All the best!
Lauren