lavendertealatte
Peer Supporter
Write a short post about the level of acceptance you have of the TMS diagnosis, and of any doubts or worries you may have at this point:
I found out about TMS back in 2006 when I was in college. At that time, I had full acceptance of the TMS diagnosis, and was fully recovered from RSI within about a week. It was amazing. After that, I applied TMS to almost everything, but what I couldn't deal with was having this kind of knowledge and being around other people who would have pain, and wanting to say something, or knowing that their back pain was because of subconscious emotions. I also had some doubt about the parts about Freud and psychotherapy. I myself had never been abused and while I would understand that others may have had that experience, it didn't seem to apply to me. The personality type definitely applied though. I felt worried later when pain would come up after I had already known about TMS. If I already had the knowledge, but I was still having IBS, what good was it? What should I do? I started looking into allergies, possible food intolerances, the like. I was uncomfortable with the idea of ruling out all physical things. It simply didn't seem like I could reason myself out of having diarrhea. I noticed a pattern where the times where I would cry, the next day I would have a bad bowel movement. Yuck. So I knew something was going on. But still, the knowledge wasn't enough. Did I need further talks? What did I need? It seemed like the initial knowledge I had was maybe off or misguided. Was my understanding not quite right?
Now I have anxiety and depression. At first I was quite sure it was TMS, but yet I couldn't change my situation and heal myself. I resorted to medications, which helped me get my life back. When the relationship that I was having so much anxiety about ended, my IBS stopped. However, I am not 100% back to normal. This has led me to revisit TMS again. I am anxious about this diagnosis and program. I'm worried that I need others to believe me and validate what I am doing for it to be right. I'm worried about the responsibility this knowledge would lay on me. I'm worried it won't be enough, that my mind is too strong. That the stresses of life have become much greater than years ago. I'm worried that people will think I'm crazy. I'm worried this will make me more lonely than before, if I cannot talk to people about this. I am married. My husband understands TMS but I don't think he fully subscribes to it, though of course, he has little to no need, he is rarely in pain. Still, I am worried about the day when I would want to reach out to him and be rejected. I am worried about rejection. I'm worried about psychology. I wanted to be a psychologist when I was growing up, but my parents discouraged me. I have thought about going to see therapists to talk about my anxiety, but the anxiety would be even worse when I would think about going. I'm worried I will have to uncover things that I cannot deal with or fix. I'm worried that I will be encouraged to lay blame on my parents, who I believe did their best with what they had, and that I should honor. I am worried that I will be asked to change my life, my environment. When I first found out about TMS, it was the knowledge itself that healed me. But now, it seems I need a stronger dose, so to speak. But what does this process involve? That is what I'm afraid of. I'm not sure anymore.
I found out about TMS back in 2006 when I was in college. At that time, I had full acceptance of the TMS diagnosis, and was fully recovered from RSI within about a week. It was amazing. After that, I applied TMS to almost everything, but what I couldn't deal with was having this kind of knowledge and being around other people who would have pain, and wanting to say something, or knowing that their back pain was because of subconscious emotions. I also had some doubt about the parts about Freud and psychotherapy. I myself had never been abused and while I would understand that others may have had that experience, it didn't seem to apply to me. The personality type definitely applied though. I felt worried later when pain would come up after I had already known about TMS. If I already had the knowledge, but I was still having IBS, what good was it? What should I do? I started looking into allergies, possible food intolerances, the like. I was uncomfortable with the idea of ruling out all physical things. It simply didn't seem like I could reason myself out of having diarrhea. I noticed a pattern where the times where I would cry, the next day I would have a bad bowel movement. Yuck. So I knew something was going on. But still, the knowledge wasn't enough. Did I need further talks? What did I need? It seemed like the initial knowledge I had was maybe off or misguided. Was my understanding not quite right?
Now I have anxiety and depression. At first I was quite sure it was TMS, but yet I couldn't change my situation and heal myself. I resorted to medications, which helped me get my life back. When the relationship that I was having so much anxiety about ended, my IBS stopped. However, I am not 100% back to normal. This has led me to revisit TMS again. I am anxious about this diagnosis and program. I'm worried that I need others to believe me and validate what I am doing for it to be right. I'm worried about the responsibility this knowledge would lay on me. I'm worried it won't be enough, that my mind is too strong. That the stresses of life have become much greater than years ago. I'm worried that people will think I'm crazy. I'm worried this will make me more lonely than before, if I cannot talk to people about this. I am married. My husband understands TMS but I don't think he fully subscribes to it, though of course, he has little to no need, he is rarely in pain. Still, I am worried about the day when I would want to reach out to him and be rejected. I am worried about rejection. I'm worried about psychology. I wanted to be a psychologist when I was growing up, but my parents discouraged me. I have thought about going to see therapists to talk about my anxiety, but the anxiety would be even worse when I would think about going. I'm worried I will have to uncover things that I cannot deal with or fix. I'm worried that I will be encouraged to lay blame on my parents, who I believe did their best with what they had, and that I should honor. I am worried that I will be asked to change my life, my environment. When I first found out about TMS, it was the knowledge itself that healed me. But now, it seems I need a stronger dose, so to speak. But what does this process involve? That is what I'm afraid of. I'm not sure anymore.
