Processing/dealing with disappointment (which can cause anger/rage)...

I've started this thread as an 'overflow' from another thread because I was going off topic. Below I've quoted @Diana-M from that other thread, and what follows is my response, which she advised me she found helpful and of some comfort. When I deleted my posting I thought I hadn't saved the original draft, but I just found it, so I'm posting it up here in case it might gel with anyone else:

@Diana-M I've been thinking about this and it seems to me that what you may be being affected by is 'disappointment' (which can be enraging of course). On my baby steps 'journey' I believe I have processed some of my 'disappointment' with people and with how my life's panned out generally, and that has contributed to my being able to progress to where I am now (as you know, not completely symptom free but almost there). I hate the sinking feeling that 'disappointment' gives me, for me it's akin to a mixture of grief and regret, and thinking about this, I realise that there's still 'disappointment' left that I need to process.

I asked perplexity.ai to help me out with some ideas about this and the following is what it came up with (in case it's of interest to you or anyone else coming across this thread):

"That feeling of being stuck—wondering if things will ever really change—can often be traced back to deep disappointment with both the world and our relatives, friends and associates. When life or loved ones don’t meet our hopes or needs, it’s easy for that letdown to build up, sometimes turning into frustration or even quiet rage. Many of us expect understanding, fairness, or a certain kind of support, and when reality falls short, disappointment creeps in, reinforcing the pain and making it feel never-ending.

Acknowledging Disappointment
The first step is gently acknowledging how much disappointment hurts—admitting that it’s there, even if it feels uncomfortable or vulnerable. It’s a human response to want more kindness from life and others. Sometimes disappointment lingers because it feels like neither the world nor our relatives can really give what we need.

Overcoming Disappointment
Moving through disappointment means letting go of expecting others or life to change in all the ways we wish. Some find relief by:

• Allowing themselves to grieve what hasn’t worked out, instead of fighting or denying those feelings.
• Lowering expectations—not to give up, but so that small moments of connection or peace start to matter more than big changes.
• Practicing compassion towards themselves, recognizing how hard it is to carry disappointment and still keep going.

Sorting all this out often creates a little breathing space inside, even if it doesn’t make everything better right away. Sometimes just recognising, “Yes, I am deeply disappointed, and that’s understandable,” softens the inner struggle and allows healing to begin in a new way. You stop fighting the feeling or blaming yourself for having it—which eases tension and energy drain."

 

Thanks for this, @BloodMoon! I feel like I could read this every day. I’m going to bookmark it.

 

This bit really hits the spot for me...that is, I didn't realise I was blaming myself for having the feeling.

 

I like the one that you like. Just acknowledging the disappointment (and not blaming yourself for it!) lets some of the tension (anger) go. It’s weird, I get it. I always tend to blame myself when something hurts me. (We could make another post on that!)

I like this one too, a lot. I actually started doing this a while ago and it really did help. For example, I kept wishing I could see my grandkids more. I think I posted something about it on the forum and everyone suggested that I try to find some innovative ideas. At first I was resistant because my expectations were higher. But then I let go of that and I could feel the tension go out of me. I’m in an ongoing letter exchange with my five-year-old grandson right now. He always writes me back the day that he gets my letter. It’s the cutest thing. He writes some ABC letters on a piece of paper very carefully and draws a couple pictures, and seals the envelope. He won’t even let his parents help him write it. I’m getting more joy out of this than I could ever have an imagined! But only because my expectations are different. Is just surprising the little ways that life can get better if you allow yourself to get over the disappointments.

 

We could, indeed! And it is 'weird' to blame ourselves. I read somewhere that self-blame can serve as an unconscious shortcut—the mind’s way to make sense of hurtful situations, especially when the real causes feel confusing or chaotic.

Adorable! I enjoyed just picturing him doing that... 'bless his little cotton socks', as we say over here! Receiving your letters will be making him realise that he's special and important to you.

I believe you’re finding the old Rolling Stones song sentiment to be true…
“You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well, you just might find
You get what you need”

 

I think that’s true!

Ha!