Pelvic pain/hard flaccid/ED

So using Dan Buglio's approach my pelvic sitting pain has almost gone really and it was really bad before. I mean i couldnt sit much more then 1-2 hours now i can sit 9 hours plus. I can also do the gym fully with no pain flare ups, nor with food i eat too since adopting the new approach. Didn't do any somatic tracking, emotional work, deep breathing just practised sitting without fear each day increasing the time incrementally and telling myself it was TMS. Only issue is i still have hf/ED/urinary dribbling etc. I dont really know how to improve that because with sitting pain you've got this painful sensation you can work on, reaffirm your brain your ok etc. With the other ones its not the same relationship. Anyone whos had luck with this any tips would be great.

5 months before i was avoiding sitting so much that pain come on and doing daily deepbreathing and stretching which did nothing as per a male pelvic floor physiotherpist i saw in the UK's advice. This sitting pain has really turned around in just 2 months with the approach mentioned at the start

 

TMS is TMS: there are no separate ways to "treat" any "conditions. If you are using "Dan Buglio's method" just keep going. Incrementally work through the symptoms and for this you might need to use a more emotional approach - along with telling yourself it's all just TMS (if you've been cleared by a Dr. and there isn't anything medically needing attention).
My favorite "personality" for a very similar approach to Dan's is Dr. Brad Fantisil. In much the same way, he simply uncomplicates the whole idea of TMS for some people - but he does add some "howevers" for the occasional patient...which is that some patients may need some psychological work if their pain is deeply tied to some emotions. You'll probably figure that out along the way. Patience is his mantra:

 

I have experienced some of these symptoms some of the time during my recovery from TMS. I too got over my sitting pain and have since realized that most of my remaining flares have an emotional cause in addition to conditioned physical triggers.

I'm still on the path but one thing that has helped a great deal is to defocus my symptoms, stop calling them by name, and reassure myself that I'm fine regardless of what crazy things my brain is throwing at me. I'm learning that lots of TMS symptoms have a visible, physical manifestation, and if you read other success stories you'll read examples of this, e.g. inflammation, CRPS, rashes, and yeah all kinds of pelvic stuff.

This may be a personal thing and a tangent but I always found all the terms around pelvic stuff to be really terrifying and depressing. It's a lot less scary when you stop using those terms and realize that the only thing you have to deal with is a scared brain (or a dysregulated nervous system as people like to say). Whatever framing makes you feel the most like you're actually okay, because that is the truth, go with that. I wish there wasn't such shame around these symptoms and I find it frustrating that men and women tend to be cordoned off into separate groups even in mind-body spaces around pelvic pain, because the truth is (when there's no structural basis) we are all dealing with the same thing and we could probably learn from each other (one of the great things about this forum is that that is actually possible with the defocusing of symptoms in discussions that happen here); I was just watching a Dan Buglio success story where the guy was saying that "IC" and "CPPS" are basically just the girl and boy versions of the same basic set of symptoms that is all mind-body in terms of cause. Tim Parks comes to the same conclusion at one point in his memoir about his own recovery.

My understanding is whatever symptoms you have will begin to improve in the background when you work on your belief that these symptoms truly are not dangerous, that you are in fact already healthy, and then, as @Cactusflower was saying you also do the emotional work (I'm doing the Journalspeak method every day and also seeing a psychotherapist). This may take some people more time than others and that is totally okay; for me I'm finding there is still more to figure out in my life, so I'm kind of trying to put the symptoms on the back burner as much as possible while I work on bringing more fulfilling things into my life and doing what I actually want to do and what makes me happy.

 

Like others have said, I would continue with what you are doing but really explore the emotional side of things (I found myself that it was a mix of how I related to the symptom in the moment + the broader emotional work - one or the other only took me so far). How do you feel about those specific symptoms, especially ED? Is there some shame attached to that? Pelvic symptoms and issues (because of their relationship with our sexual reality) often have added emotions attached to them that aren't there with other areas of the body - this makes them harder to accept as there's more on the line so to speak (so you may need to address the emotions and do some work here in order to be able to genuinely accept them and implement Dan's philosophy - I love Dan as a side note and he helped me greatly - I am a success story of his).

Looking at it this way would make sense to me in terms of why you've been able to have such great progress with the sitting, yet these other symptoms are sticking around (I take your point around not being able to expose yourself to them in the same way - but I would still explore it emotionally - it helped me considerably to reflect on my related shame to get over certain triggers)

 

Thanks all for the responses!!
Removing terms used i think is a good idea, with sitting pain i just saw it as mind body pain i didn't reference or think of the exact part of the pelvis it hurt in or call it oh my pelvic floor is hurting.
For me the ED naturally comes with emotional weight because ive had this for a decade since i was 18, i havent been able to get a good enough erection to have actual penetrative sex and have avoided getting a partner as a result. And i've always wanted one. Theres a real feeling of lost time, missed chances with that. I dont really know how to remove the emotional attachment from that symptom, because it naturally has emotional stuff tied to it but really more then anything it stops me from doing what i want to do sex wise but socially too it effects that.

With Dan's stuff i was of the impression he doesnt really recommend focusing on doing the emotional stuff and having adopted his approach for the last 2-3 months and having so much success with sitting and general pelvic pain has improved so much and i'd say almost gone completely. I was thinking the rest would come too because its part of the pelvis. But ive been hesistent to delve into other stuff just because his approach has worked so well compared to the 10 year struggle of getting nowhere with stretching/strengthening/conventional pelvic floor physiotherapy.

I've tried relaxing the body and being concious not to clench and that has helped at times with ED i think part of it might be physically training the body but yeah. I'd kind of do what a lot of guys in the hard flaccid space do where they'd revert to porn use because you dont need as good of an erection to do it but that i dont think sends the right messages to the brain its not a calming activity.
Any sources of info or tips for addressing the emotional stuff if you guys think thats the route would be great.
Stress and anxiety never effected my pelvic pain specifically, interestingly but it still was mind body.

 

I can totally understand why you'd avoid dating. Hell, there was a time in the middle of my symptoms where I worried I'd never be able to be sexually active again they were so bad and that was very scary. But I think this way of thinking about it is a bit backwards. You say you want a partner—if you find someone you connect with and who really cares about you emotionally, I guarantee you they're not going to actually care about whether you're always up to penetrative sex. (And I also suspect if you were in such a relationship where you felt truly safe with someone and didn't feel the pressure to perform, that might help with your symptoms too!) Not that you have to share anything here, but I wonder if you've considered how you feel towards yourself, if you feel you are deserving of a relationship and all that entails emotionally. Self-compassion is maybe the toughest thing I have had to learn along the way, and I'm totally still learning. It could be a piece of the puzzle for you, as to my mind it's hard to imagine being in a good relationship when you don't actually like yourself to begin with.

I would start with the social—journaling has been a great way for me to work through some of my social anxiety—and worry about the sex later; sex is great and all but it's not on its own going to make you happy. It's something that can be an enjoyable and even fulfilling part of your life but I would be careful around seeing it as a prerequisite for everything else.

Your success so far is more evidence that it is TMS. I think not everyone needs the deeper emotional work but in my mind it all comes back to Sarno's concept of tension (if you haven't yet I would really recommend reading a Sarno book, like the Mindbody Prescription)—if there are still things going on in you emotionally that are creating tension, that needs to be addressed or the symptoms will persist. Dan does de-emphasize the emotional side of things, but a lot of the success story videos on his channel include some deeper emotional work or realization or life change or something. Dan is all about getting to the deep knowing that you're actually safe and fine, for which maybe knowing that nothing's wrong with you structurally is enough for some people. For me I wasn't able to conjure that mental state out of thin air; I kind of needed to slowly come to the realization that I am actually capable of providing a sense of safety to myself, i.e. taking care of myself, living my life in a way that aligns with my values, etc. I guess I should say here that therapy has also helped with this, and I'm lucky to have a therapist that is open to talking about mindbody stuff.

I think you have the right idea exactly—it's certainly not a calming activity, not necessarily because it's porn (I mean that will spike the nervous system, but so will a busy social event) but because you're thinking about your symptoms the whole time. I was in one of those chatrooms for pelvic stuff for a little while very early on in my TMS experience and honestly it really helped me to leave it behind completely. The messageboard here is maybe the one good internet space I've found; I wouldn't bother with the rest. What you have going on is no different than someone with back pain or migraines, it's just a different area and and you can and will get better.